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Showing posts from December, 2023

So badly

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 Maybe it's just not seeing the sun for a week, but I feel like I'm roaming through a Cormac McCarthy novel.  Even the good news is full of bad news.  Remember  Glynn Simmons,  who spent 48 years in prison for a murder he didn't do?  Oklahoma turned him loose because he has Stage Four colon cancer.  It's really a cost-cutting measure -- if he dies soon they won't have to pay him compensation of $175,000.  Also, they don't need to house and feed him in the meantime.  You're welcome, taxpayers. Alexei Navalny  turned up in an Arctic prison because he wasn't dying fast enough from natural causes in Vladimir.  He survived Novichok and the gulag -- if Russian doctors were smart they'd want to study him while he's still alive. Recep Erdogan  has hurt Benjamin Netanyahu's feelings by comparing him to Adolf Hitler.  Erdogan being Erdogan, it's hard to tell if he meant this in a negative sense. Not to worry, though --  Jared a...

Oh lordy, there's tape

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  Rudolph Giuliani's 24-page bankruptcy filing has been made public and the question on America's mind is "How much does he owe to Robert Hunter Biden and why and what the actual fuck is this?"  Was he still doing drugs when he lent money to this cafone?  Did they meet in the Kyiv airport and Biden noticed Giuliani shaving at a table in the coffee shop and America's Mayor hit him up for enough to cover his breakfast tab?  The legal document is frustratingly silent on important details.  (page 13) Sarasota School Board member and Moms for Liberty founder  Bridget Ziegler  made a sex tape with the unnamed woman who has accused Christian Ziegler of rape and it's in the possession of the Sarasota Police.  The school board voted to remove Bridget but she's still on the  Central Florida Tourism Board,  installed by Governissmo DeSantis to keep an eye on immoral doings at Disney World.  Christian has been suspended as state Republican chai...

Fallout

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 Twenty-four years ago a Boston restauranteur named  Charles Stuart  told police a Black man shot him and killed his wife.  Acting on this information the BPD stormed the Mission Hill neighborhood, randomly breaking down doors and shouting "Where's the n----r with the trigger?"  Later it was revealed that Stuart had done the shooting himself, handing his wife's valuables to his brother.  In the meantime two men named Alan Swanson and Willie Bennett were arrested, with Bennett eventually being charged.  Yesterday Mayor Michelle Wu offered a formal apology to Bennett, and it only took a quarter of a century and an HBO documentary.   The always tardy arc of justice bent even more slowly in Oklahoma, where  Glynn Simmons's  murder conviction was dismissed after he served 48 years in prison.  The judge ruled that prosecutors withheld evidence, but did not acknowledge that Simmons, now 71, was not involved in the murder.  Author...

Eggplant!

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 According to the Guardian  Christmas  in Britain is horrific, and not because of the risk of Spirits whisking you into your miserable past.  A compilation of seasonal injuries includes electrocution while watering the tree with the lights switched on; falling out of the loft (attic) while getting out decorations; splashing oneself with hot fat while cooking; eye injuries from champagne corks; Santa-related injuries to children such as falling off his lap or running away in terror; and of course seasonal heart attacks.  By far the worst, however, are penile injuries associated with vigorous sex.  As one urologist explained, "When patients present to their doctor their penis often looks like an eggplant."  Jeez, you people need to slow down.  (I nearly said "Get a grip" but this year a member of our national legislature re-defined that phrase.) No matter how grim things get in the UK, no prime minister has ever had to assert, "I never read Mein Kam...

Disappointed

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 Senator Ben Cardin (D-MD) pronounced himself "angry, disappointed" after video surfaced of one of his  staffers  enjoying a tryst in a Senate hearing room.  Anyone who didn't think there was a security camera is too dumb to work in plumbing supply, much less the Senate.  "It's presented a lot of anger and frustration," said Cardin.   Welcome to America in December 2023.  Everybody is angry and frustrated who is awake and paying attention.  Shaye Moss and Ruby Freeman were still coming to terms with their record-shattering judgment in the Giuliani defamation suit when Trump's favorite drunk defamed them again, first in front of the courthouse and then on  Newsmax.   When you're broke, you don't care how many judgments you pile up, I guess.  Moss and Freeman are suing him again, not for money but asking that the court make him shut up.  If this one comes with jail time, it will be a blessing for all of us. Pope Francis ...

Let G_d sort it out

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 Does Benjamin Netanyahu wake up every morning thinking, "How can I make more people hate me and my country?"  The two-month pulverization of Gaza and killing of more than 18,000 people is hard to top but the attack on  Holy Family Church  and sniper killing of two women might do it.  Israeli rockets also hit the Convent of the Sisters of Mother Teresa where 54 disabled people live.  The pope called it "terrorism," apparently unaware that Israel is never guilty of that.  Christmas celebrations in  Bethlehem  are already cancelled. Baby Jesus wrapped in a keffiyeh?  The Evangelical Lutherans are clearly the real terrorists. Maybe I don't pay enough attention to the rightwing rage-o-sphere but I'm not hearing much about their War on Christmas.  Apart from the horror of Marxist tap dancers in the White House, has this year even produced a fresh Outrage?  Why yes, it has, but not from our side of No Man's Land.  Meet  San...

Apologies not accepted

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 Idiot quote of the day:  "It's just going to be expected that when you have a president and a House of Representatives of different parties, you're going to have an impeachment."  Which Constitution is  Guy Reschenthaler  (R-Mars) reading from?  For that matter, who the hell is he? Miles "Anonymous" Taylor,  former DHS Trumper, is not someone I take seriously as a rule, but he's raising an alarm nobody considered:  If re-installed, Trump may "turn off the internet."  Where does he think Ministry of Truth Social and Xitter and 8Chan live?  More likely he'll just try to censor it as China does.   Masha Gessen is having a bad month.  First the  Russians opened a criminal case against her for the now-familiar charge of "spreading false information" about their undertrained, ill-equipped army.  Now the  Heinrich Boll Foundation  has changed its mind about giving her its prize for political thinking because...

Doctor Jazz

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 A year ago two dancers from American Ballet Theater danced to "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" in the White House and nobody seemed to mind. Despite their broad smiles it's a melancholy song and Dr. Jill Biden decided the nation and the world needed something a little livelier at the end of this dark and bloody year.  So she invited  Dorrance Dance  to send some of its young tappers to perform "Dance of the Floreadores" (you may know it as "Waltz of the Flowers") from Nutcracker.  MAGA lost its mind like Pavlov's dogs hearing the dinner bell.  She's not a doctor of education for nothing. "It did not acknowledge the word 'Christmas' or the birth of Jesus Christ," moaned the Washington Examiner.  Yeah, have you ever seen The Nutcracker?  It's as secular as Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer.  Other critics were somehow reminded of The Hunger Games and A Clockwork Orange.  From far-off Australia Murdoch's Sky News chi...

Tiny fish in Japan

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 The COP28 environmental puppet show is over in Dubai , and all the petrolobbyists and oil sheiks have flown home congratulating themselves for even mentioning fossil fuels in their final press release.  Meanwhile off the island of Hokkaido,  Japan,  1,200 tons of mackerel and sardines float on the surface of the ocean and no one is sure why.  "We plan to sample the seawater at the site and examine it to find the cause," said a fisheries official.  Maybe check the water temperature, too. In Greece the  Pelagos Cetacean Research Institute  spotted a dolphin with thumb-like appendages on its flippers.  "Weirdest shit we've seen in thirty years," said their scientific coordinator, or words to that effect.  The thumbs do not appear to be opposable. One could speculate that this is also true of House Republicans, whose activities cross some line separating Homo sapiens from the other primates.   (Perhaps it's time to refer to it as ...

None to give

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  The most impressive feat in podcasting is Olbermann limiting himself to three Worst Persons in the World four times a week.  Every day I have at least half a dozen. Let's start with a relatively light-hearted case,  Michael Green and Byron  Bolden of the fair state of Colorado.  These two think they should receive a lesser sentence because the items they stole from a Kohl's store in Parker were on sale, lowering their value below the legal limit for a felony.  I'm happy to leave it to the appeals court. Patrick Johnson was a firefighter and environmentalist in Shreveport who campaigned against the use of "burn pits" spewing carcinogens into the air at Camp Minden.  He tried to get his son, just elected to the Louisiana state legislature, to use his platform and influence to end this practice, but the son had no interest in such matters; in fact, he was and is a climate change denier.  When he became Speaker of the House in 2023 his first speech ...

A noun, a verb and get dressed

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 Nothing is going to rival  Rudolph Giuliani's  entrance this morning.  Somewhere between the limo and the courtroom at the A. Barrett Prettyman Courthouse he opened his belt and left it dangling until his lawyer made him get dressed in the elevator.  Details are sketchy but I'm imagining an encounter with one of those bored security officers:  "Empty your pockets."  "Do you know who I am?  I saved New York from terrorists!"  "Please empty your pockets."  "Oh, you think I'm a terrorist?  Should I take off my shoes?  Maybe you'd like it if I drop my pants!"  "Sir, you're holding up the line."  "I'm taking off my pants!  OK?  Look, no bombs!"  "Please put your clothes back on and empty your pockets."  "I want to talk to your supervisor!"  "LaTanya, give me the wand."  "Now you're gonna tase me?"  "Sir, I need to wand you if you won't empty your pockets....

Is it Friday already?

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  I have no clue. Can you run for Congress while in prison?  We may find out if  Philip Sean Grillo  is the Republican candidate to replace George Santos.  Grillo was convicted of various offenses connected to the January 6 coup attempt.  The self-proclaimed "Republican messiah" and former Queens district party leader said in his defense that he believed he was "authorized" to engage in the crimes he helpfully recorded, and that he had "no idea" Congress met in the Capitol.  He sounds perfect. The  Varner-Hogg  sugar plantation near Houston shows visitors an instructional video describing how sixty-six slaves worked there in the nineteenth century, but saying nothing about the benevolent planters who taught them valuable skills.  This was too much for visitor Michelle Haas, who complained to Governor Abbott about the "shitshow" it is.  She was also appalled to find that an "activist" had stocked the gift shop with books by Ibram X. ...

Mixed signals

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  The National Association of Christian Lawmakers gave the American Patriot Award for Christian Honor and Courage to Christian  Mike Johnson  and it went to his head.  "I'll tell you a secret since media is not here," he confided.  God told Mike he would be a "Moses-like figure" leading the country through a "Red Sea moment," whatever that means.  (He's only Number Three, but you can't expect God to entrust such a task to either a Catholic or a woman.)   The Christian Lawmakers posted his speech to their webpage, though, and before it was deleted the blasphemers at Rolling Stone translated it from the original Aramaic.  So now the whole world knows how special Johnson is.  I wonder if his encounter with the transcendent took place before or after God told  Eric Adams  to go forth and become mayor of New York.  Or offered to oversee the next vote count to ensure that Trump would carry New York and California.  What the...

The longest day

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 At the climax of the film Inherit the Wind  Henry Drummond puts Matthew Harrison Brady on the witness stand and grills him on the Biblical account of creation.  "The Lord didn't make the sun until the fourth day.  That first day -- was it a normal day, a literal day, a twenty-four-hour day?...could it have been twenty-five hours?   Isn't it possible that the first day could have been a day of indeterminate length?"   As in the 1925 Scopes trial Brady, the fictionalized version of William Jennings Bryan, has no answer. A day of indeterminate length.  It sounds sinister.  In the course of a typically incoherent  "town hall" presided over by Sean Hannity, Trump assured his followers that no one need fear the promises and threats he has issued about invoking the Insurrection Act to avenge himself on practically everyone:  "He says, 'You're not going to be a dictator, are you?'  I said no, no, no, other than day one.  We...

No way to run a planet

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 COP28 is holding one of its periodic confabs where important people by the thousands gather (this time in Dubai) to talk and talk and talk about climate change and then get back on their private jets and go home.  This time the president is  Sultan Al Jaber , CEO of Adnoc, the Emirates state oil company.  Yesterday he warned that phasing out fossil fuels is a no-go "unless you want to take the world back into caves."  Today he reversed himself:  "the phase-out of fossil fuel is inevitable."  So caves it is, I guess.  There seems to be no real reason for these shindigs apart from reminding the world that we still have sultans and kings in the twenty-first century. And dictators.  Liz Cheney  is so worried about the possibility of another Trump presidency and the inevitable collapse of even our limited democracy that she is "weighing whether to mount her own third-party candidacy" for president.  She seems intelligent enough to under...

Swing...and a miss!

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 James Comer is nothing if not dogged, and I'm not talking about his face.  Today he announced, "The House Oversight Committee is releasing subpoenaed bank records that show Hunter Biden's business entity, Owasco PC, made direct monthly  payments to Joe Biden."  Yes, Hunter set up "recurring payments" of $1,380 in 2018, when Joe Biden was between jobs.  He was repaying his father money lent him for his car payments when Hunter was between jobs.  Three monthly payments of a total of $4,140.00.  Clarence Thomas wouldn't bend over to pick up a bribe that size.  Poor, stupid, increasingly desperate James Comer.  By next week he'll have video of father and son having lunch in 2019 and Hunter paying the check.  I don't care for one-sided battles, so I have never watched Christopher Hitchens "debate" Al Sharpton and I also avoided  Gavin Newsom's  aggravated pantsing of Ron DeSantis (and a side order of Sean Hannity).  DeSantis'...