Mixed signals
The National Association of Christian Lawmakers gave the American Patriot Award for Christian Honor and Courage to Christian Mike Johnson and it went to his head. "I'll tell you a secret since media is not here," he confided. God told Mike he would be a "Moses-like figure" leading the country through a "Red Sea moment," whatever that means. (He's only Number Three, but you can't expect God to entrust such a task to either a Catholic or a woman.)
The Christian Lawmakers posted his speech to their webpage, though, and before it was deleted the blasphemers at Rolling Stone translated it from the original Aramaic. So now the whole world knows how special Johnson is. I wonder if his encounter with the transcendent took place before or after God told Eric Adams to go forth and become mayor of New York. Or offered to oversee the next vote count to ensure that Trump would carry New York and California. What the prophet Ezekiel would call "a whole wheels-within-wheels thing, you know?"
In other religious news, paleo-Catholic Steve Bannon has proclaimed a new saint and it's Mike Lindell, "the apostle of the stolen election." This will be news to Papa Francesco but Bannon doesn't recognize him anyway. For refusing to stock his schlocky pillows he pronounced anathema on Walmart and Bed, Bath & Beyond, whose executives "deserve to be wiped out." As for Lindell, "He's like a saint from like the third century, right?" Like one of these:
I knew Taylor Swift would take fire for being named Time Person of the Year, but I was wrong about who would fire the first shot or how deeply stupid it would be. Saira Rao, self-described political activist and ex-Wall Streeter, tweets: "The white American woman billionaire who could end the genocide of Palestinians with one IG post is TIME person of the year. White nonsense, white violence, white love of Black and brown genocide." Joe Biden and the UN can't arrange a cease-fire but a pop singer can? Not even if she joined forces with the owner of the falafel shop in Philadelphia. (IG is Instagram. I had to look it up.)
Nikki Haley has no problem with IG but she is relentless in attacking TikTok. She did the math and discovered that looking at TikTok for half an hour makes you "17 percent more antisemitic." Is she assuming that everyone is a little antisemitic to begin with? Even Jewish Tik-Tok users? And how will taking away universities' tax-exempt status render them philosemitic? You won't see this often but I'm going to agree with Trump -- the woman is a bird-brain.
Back on this planet, sort of, Tulsi Gabbard marked the anniversary of the Pearl Harbor attack by reminding us that "we need to ask ourselves this question: is the remilitarization of Japan, which is presently underway, truly a good idea?" The former Democrat and current Fox News contributor is also an echo chamber for Russian propaganda about Ukraine and therefore, we must assume, a friend of China and North Korea. None of them is happy about Japan beefing up its military. But thanks for crapping all over the 2,403 Americans who died at Pearl.
I wish I could believe this is Photoshopped.
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