Tiny fish in Japan

 The COP28 environmental puppet show is over in Dubai, and all the petrolobbyists and oil sheiks have flown home congratulating themselves for even mentioning fossil fuels in their final press release.  Meanwhile off the island of Hokkaido, Japan, 1,200 tons of mackerel and sardines float on the surface of the ocean and no one is sure why.  "We plan to sample the seawater at the site and examine it to find the cause," said a fisheries official.  Maybe check the water temperature, too.

In Greece the Pelagos Cetacean Research Institute spotted a dolphin with thumb-like appendages on its flippers.  "Weirdest shit we've seen in thirty years," said their scientific coordinator, or words to that effect.  The thumbs do not appear to be opposable.

One could speculate that this is also true of House Republicans, whose activities cross some line separating Homo sapiens from the other primates.   (Perhaps it's time to refer to it as the Monkey House.)  Following the White Queen's rule "Sentence first -- verdict afterwards" the MH voted to commence an "impeachment inquiry" despite its not having been referred by the Oversight Committee or any other.  The "inquiry" will continue until they come across something they can call impeachable.  Meanwhile the monkeys will spend three weeks at home assuring the populace that Joe Biden is guilty of something and they are not just doing the bidding of Orange Jesus.  Pay no attention to Bible Mike's pilgrimage to Mar a Lago.  Just wanted to drop off some Christmas presents and lead the Trumps in noonday prayers.  

Jason Smith, the quiet one who runs Ways and Means, was invited on Hannity Insanity to explain just what it is Biden needs impeaching for.  SpongeSean practically held up idiot cards for the Pride of Missouri and the best Smith could do was "It could be a multitude of numerous items!"  Or a barrel of horse feathers.  Another problem is that every time Hunter Biden stands outside the Capitol and demands to be allowed to respond to their subpoena -- in public -- more people say, "I wish I could vote for that guy."

Another crime wave came to an end in Montana, where two men were indicted for violating the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act.  They are alleged to have killed 3,600 birds and sold feathers and parts on the black market.  Some kind of aphrodisiac for Chinese men?  Who knows?  They're very intelligent birds.

An unnamed boy has been charged with posting detailed plans to carry out a mass shooting at Temple Israel in Canton, Ohio.  He faces two misdemeanor counts of disorderly conduct and inducing panic.  He is thirteen.

After the Federal Reserve announced that it shouldn't be necessary to raise interest rates to control inflation, Wall Street had an orgasm, with the Dow Jones closing above 37,000 for the first time in the history of capitalism.   Clearly it's a plot by Fed chair Jerome Powell to boost the re-election chances of failing, corrupt, senile Joe Biden.  Powell was appointed by Trump in 2018, and Orange Jesus is loudly demanding props for the recovery:  "Will I ever be given credit for anything by the Fake News Media or Radical Liberal Dems?  NO COLLUSION!"  Failing, corrupt, senile Trump evidently thought he was Truthing about his subservience to Putin again.  It's getting harder to match the lie with the phrase.

Sample:  Campaigning in Coralville, Iowa -- he leads by fifty points but needs the howls of the mob the way Junior needs coke -- Trump bragged again of how mentally and physically fit he is.  Ronny Jackson, the Navy drunk who inexplicably served as White House physician, "was Obama's doctor, too.  He said, 'Sir, there's no contest.'  I won't tell you the answer but you know the answer.  OK?  It was me."  It's a "sir" story, he immediately contradicts himself, and a child of ten knows it's garbage.  OK?  Come on.

While people are paying attention to Iowa, which frankly doesn't happen that often, the Satanic Temple got permission from the state -- and Mr. Madison's First Amendment -- to set up a statue of goat-headed Baphomet in the state capitol.  It got the expected response except from Rep. Jon Dunwell, who is an ordained Republican as well as an ordained minister.  He assured his Xitter followers, "We have nothing to fear."  

Happy holidays!