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Showing posts from November, 2024

On the nod

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 "I was at the bottom of my class.  I started doing heroin, I went to the top of my class.  Suddenly, I could sit still."  Roadkill Bob Kennedy, your new HHS secretary, apparently suggesting that people with ADHD self-medicate with heroin.  Burroughs would dig it.  So would the efficiency czar, because heroin dealers don't take Medicare.  The deficit is practically gone. In a related story, untreated milk from  Raw Farm  of Fresno County, California, has tested positive for bird flu, despite being the product of what the label calls "grass-grazed cows."  May also contain Salmonella, Listeria, Brucella, e. coli and other natural goodness.  Supercharge your immune system for the days to come.  If the Leader is determined to end the FBI, at least they will go out in a burst of glory.  With help from the UK's National Crime Agency they grabbed  Daniel Andreas San Diego,  wanted since 2003 in connection with two bombi...

A noun, a verb and spare a quarter?

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  Won't you help? Rudolph Giuliani  is broke.  He can't even afford a cab, he says.  He has no checking account or credit cards, he says.  Mean old Judge Lewis J. Liman "ruled against us on everything" and won't postpone his trial so he can attend the inauguration of the Leader, despite being Leader-appointed.  ("He's a serious left-wing Democrat," Giuliani says.)  There's a trial because he just can't stop defaming Shaye Moss and Ruby Freeman, to whom he owes $148 million, and from whom he has been hiding assets as if they were a couple of ex-wives.   Do you want America's Mayor eating Thanksgiving dinner at a shelter in the city he used to run, standing in line with a tray and hoping they don't run out of sweet potato pie?  I know I do, but maybe you're a better person.  I'm not asking you to text 9112001 to FEEDRUDY.  It's up to you.  Don't think about  Desmond Robinson  or  Amadou Diallo  or  A...

There may be trouble ahead

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 Nick Fuentes has dined at Motel a Lago but he is unhappy.  He was unhappy during the campaign because the Leader was palling around with globalist Laura Loomer, and he is unhappy with the choice of  Scott Bessent  to be Secretary of the Treasury.  Bessent used to work for globalist George Soros and is openly gay, and Fuentes fumes, "Swamp remains undefeated."  That he runs a humongous hedge fund and is even richer than Steve Mnuchin cuts no ice with Fuentes.  I see a Night of the Long Knives in Nick's future. "Do you believe that this tyrant, if you offer him a part of a free country, do you think he's gonna stop?" exclaimed Winston Churchill in 1938, after his country agreed to the dismemberment of Czechoslovakia.  No, wait, that doesn't sound Churchillian.  Actually it was Senator  Mike Rounds  (R-SD).  Rounds is a devout Trumpist who's all in on most of the Leader's plan to take a sledgehammer to the federal government, but...

MAGA closes a door, it opens a window

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 Wondering how to surprise your friend's daughter for her quinceanera or bat mitzvah?  How about a personalized greeting from almost-Attorney General  Matt Gaetz?   Cameo, employer of last resort for George Santos and Rudolph Giuliani, has signed another prestigious client.  For only $500 the former Congressman will tell her how grown up and pretty she is and hardly make her feel dirty at all.  Book now before the Christmas rush! The vote counting is over in Maine, and state representative  Lucas Lanigan  has won re-election by a single vote.  He could still get ten years in the slammer and a big fine for trying to strangle his wife -- he surrendered to police shortly before the election -- but it looks like the charge appealed to just enough Republican voters.  (Mrs. Lanigan found him and his paramour in a storage unit, which is quirky and fun.)   Help wanted:  Georgia Health Commissioner Kathleen Toomey has fired every m...

Look over there!

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 Rep. Beth Van Duyne of Texas is demanding a trial of  Alejandro Mayorkas  for some unspecified crime involving the southern border because "there are federal charges that have to be labeled [sic] against these people..."  She knows there are crimes, she just doesn't have the evidence yet, just as James Comer knows somebody named Biden did something some time.  Van Duyne has the additional need to distract attention from her affair with the very married Rep.  Rich McCormick  of Georgia.  No rumor -- she's named in his divorce papers.  The crazy kids are 55 (McCormick) and 53 (Van Duyne). No sooner did Matt Gaetz withdraw his nomination to be attorney general so he could spend more time with his children, or somebody's children, than the Leader remembered another deeply corrupt Floridian and called  Pam Bondi .  In 2013, when she was state attorney general, Bondi declined to join other AGs in a suit against Trump "University" when a ...

Apology

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 Sorry, no post today.  Georgia Power and Live Bait Co. just turned my electricity on after seven hours in the cold.  Will try again tomorrow.  Defrosting fingers crossed.

First grift, second round

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  And some impersonally signed. When I think Leader, I think music.  The MOTR easy-listening pap he plays at hate rallies and Motel a Lago wedding receptions.  The music he steals from artists like Isaac Hayes and Neil Young to raise his cred with people under 70.  The Irving Berlin knockoff "God Bless the USA" (originally "God Bless Canada" -- see John Oliver's YouTube video about Lee Greenwood).  And now, for a limited time or until the Chinese factory runs out of plastic, this distinctively ugly item which probably can't be tuned much less played.  My respect to the photographer who posed him in front of those shit-stained chairs.  We may have someone on the inside. Who uses Venmo to pay underage sex partners for silence?  Have you met Matt Gaetz?  "Love you" and "Joy!" are self-evident, but Gaetz being Gaetz a lot of the others are equally suggestive.  "Refreshments" is an interesting euphemism, but what are these "cart...

A pattern emerges

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  Say hello to  John Jessup,  freshly elected Hancock County, Indiana, District 1 Commissioner.  Now say goodbye.  The anti-trans, anti-gay MAGA has pleaded guilty to raping his daughter Rachel in Nevada, and under Indiana law, convicted felons may not serve in state or local elected office.  The high-minded men who wrote the Constitution didn't think they needed to include such a provision for federal offices.  I blame George Washington. And greet your new Secretary of Education  Linda McMahon .  She needs a break from her other job at World Wrestling Entertainment, where she's being sued for allowing a ring announcer to groom and sexually assault boys as young as twelve over a period of years.  Sorry, Ryan Walters, you'll have to be content with replacing education with religious indoctrination in Oklahoma for now.  Molest someone and leave your name with the transition team. The House Ethics Committee report on Matt Gaetz is the ...

Eat it and like it

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 Sorry I'm late, but Google, which is evil incarnate, decided to change my password again.  May they never know an hour without pain. Ahem. There has never been a purer illustration of the phrase "shit-eating grin."  Or is it "shit, eating?"  (grin)  Roadkill Bob made the mistake of describing the Leader's diet as "poison" and so he was summoned to this ritual humiliation.  The mouse turd on the right was excused, as he only came aboard to say grace.  Everybody else was required to chow down on corporate roadkill, mmm, pass the ketchup.  Welcome to the cult, Bob.  Ask Chris Christie and Mitt Romney what it's like to be force-fed by the Leader.  On second thought, you're probably not allowed to speak to them. If you have to eat poison, better to do it on a plane than at  Motel a Lago.   Photos reveal a serious black mold problem in the ornate crap shack where Chinese spies pay a million dollars to join, food and greens fees extr...

Coming attractions

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 Rabiul Chowdhury, chair of  Abandon Harris  in Pennsylvania, was surprised to find leopards eating his face this morning.  The co-founder of Muslims for Trump says, "Trump won because of us and we're not happy with his Secretary of State pick and others."  Mr. Chowdhury is also an investor, so he has tax cuts to look forward to.  But he's not happy, and neither is Rexhinaldo Nazarko.  "It seems like this administration has been packed entirely with neoconservatives and extremely pro-Israel, pro-war people," pouted the head of American Muslim Engagement and Empowerment Network.  Better luck next time, gentlemen, and don't forget to send your membership lists to Stephen Miller. Look at "influencer"  Emily Harris,  who's about nineteen but already channeling Phyllis Schlafly.  On a podcast called One Night with Steiny, the Donnybopper displayed a relaxed attitude toward other people's rights:  "I think if everyone in a state want...

They're on it

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  Even with no more Bidens to impeach, the House Oversight Committee remains a three-ring circus of clowns and animal tamers.  This week they held a matinee performance called "Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena:  Exposing the Truth" and naturally the star was  Lauren Boebert.   There were four UFO "experts," and she questioned them on some rumors she heard about the Defense Department using "non-human genetic material" to enhance human capabilities.  None of the four had heard the same rumors, which probably involved the gentlelady from Colorado dozing off during a rerun of "The Six Million Dollar Man."  Boebert was specifically focused on "oceanic UAPs," because the possibility of civilizations beneath the sea is a major concern for Colorado voters.  "We will not relent until we get those answers to the American people," she vowed.   We are in good hand  hands. Twenty-four hours later they were back under the Big Top to discus...

We're through the looking glass

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The Onion wins auction to take control of Alex Jones's Infowars That's from today's Onion.  No, wait -- checks notes -- that's from Jeff Bezos's burlesque daily the  Washington Post. What the hell? "The Onion is proud to acquire Infowars, and we look forward to continuing its storied tradition of scaring the site's users with lies until they fork over their cold, hard cash," said Onion CEO Ben Collins.  The former owner called the bidding process "rigged" and blamed Democrats, unless that's an Onion version of an Alex Jones rant.  Who even knows anymore?  At some point reality mated with "reality" and they had a litter of incredulities.  For example: Attorney General  Matt Gaetz.   Roll that around on your tongue.  Gaetz resigned from Congress yesterday, hours before the House Ethics Committee was to release its report on his drug-fueled sex-capades (alleged!).  They can't touch him now, but if the evidence is bad enough the...

Coming up for air

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 Time to get back to sniping and snarking, and it's a world of opportunities.  We forget that other people have concerns, too.  For instance, take a look at the woman on the left: Does she look freakish to you?  This is Czech tennis star  Barbora Krejcikova  shaking hands with Zheng Qinwen of China after a match.  Jon Wertheim made a joke about her forehead and was fired by the Tennis Channel as on-air analyst.  "It was neither professional nor charitable nor reflective of the person I strove to be," confessed Wertheim.  "I am accountable.  I own this.  I am sorry."  Very moving, and nice deployment of "nor" there.  I am touched.  I am shocked.  I had no idea there was a Tennis Channel. And good for Krejcikova, who doesn't hide behind bangs.  Sorry you lost to Zheng. The religion industry could learn from these women.   Joseph Al-Zehlaoui,  who quit as the Metropolitan of the Antiochian Orthod...

Small brushfires

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 "Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale, a novel set in a totalitarian society, has shot to the top of Amazon's bestselling books list following Donald Trump's reelection.  It saw a whopping 6,866 percent surge in sales, according to Amazon figures early Thursday, skyrocketing in just one day to third place from its previous ranking at 209."  (CNN) A few thoughts: 1. That Bezos boycott didn't last long, did it?  It's just too easy to buy a book with a couple of clicks, without putting your shoes on and leaving the house.  2. It's good to know there are still some Americans who can read, but you're supposed to study before the exam.  Handmaid was published in 1985. 3. It's not just "a totalitarian society."  There are plenty of those.  It's a specific kind of society where women have no rights except to breed.   The MAGAts are not much on books but there's a Netflix series, which explains the  explosion of "Your body ...

The girl on the bus

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 In St. Petersburg, Florida, this morning a thirteen-year-old girl shot herself on the school bus.  No one knows why, it says  here.   Police are more concerned with where she got the gun and how she brought it on the bus.  Imagine being in that kind of despair, surrounded by clueless adults. Yes, imagine.  I don't know what we do now.   I spent yesterday listening to Britten's War Requiem, his response to the catastrophe of the twentieth century, the long war which saw far more civilians than combatants killed.  Combining the Latin mass for the dead with the poems of Wilfred Owen, who died days before the end of the Great War, it was written to consecrate the building that rose beside the bombed-out Coventry Cathedral.  Britten was condemned for sticking to his pacifist principles as England fought for its survival, but by 1960 he was so central to the country's musical life that no one else could be asked to compose for the occasion....