Buttermilk Sky

 With polls sounding a death knell and red-hats leaving his rallies like they left the oven on, Trump has dimly seen his future.  That's why Trumpworld is holding a sale on all Bibles, gold sneakers (pre- and post-assassination styles), Victory47 cologne ("My eyes!  My eyes!") and the limited-edition Trump diapers: Get a jump on your Christmas shopping and remember who made it possible to say "Merry Christmas" again with a fabulous  Trump Victory Tourbillon watch,  only $100,000.  Three colors, 122 diamonds, only 147 available.  Or a shoddier version for $499 if you're impoverished by Bidenomics.  Profits will not go to the campaign, the website says, and when has Trump ever lied? "Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress -- but I repeat myself," said Mark Twain, who died in 1910, so maybe it's always been this way.   Tommy Tuberville,  football's worst mistake, thinks Kamala Harris should drop out of the...

 Trump likes to claim that since he was driven from office in the coup of 2020, "the whole world is laughing at us."  Maybe not laughing, but certainly rocking out.  A South African musician called  The Kiffness  made a video of Trump's assertion that "they're eating the cats" in Springfield, Ohio, and posted it to Twitter.  It has gone viral and all of Germany seems to be dancing to it.  The Kiffness (David Scott) reports that his song raised over $20,000 for the Springfield SPCA.  When Trump hears that he'll want a royalty. Not since Franklin D. Roosevelt mocked the Republicans for lying about "my little dog Fala " (September 23, 1944, almost exactly eighty years ago) have animals played so large a role in a human election.  First the governor of South Dakota published a book proudly describing the way she killed a puppy and a goat and killing her chance of running for vice-president.  Then a bizarre conspiracy theory was floated when ...

  Exploding cars, the nail salon conspiracy and Romney's grandchildren.  Let's get to the news! Trump dialed it up past eleven during a rally in  Indiana, Pennsylvania  (how confused he must have been).  The Supreme Court having granted him royal powers, it was time to return the gesture.  On Day One, presumably, he will imprison anyone who criticizes the court.  He will also preserve the sacred number of members at nine, just as it says nowhere in the Constitution.  He went on to lie that Kamala Harris wants a court of twenty-five so "not she, the whole party can rig the system, the party of communists.  That's the first time I heard that number but I heard it very loud and clear.  She might as well have Congress."  We're doing our best, Donzo.  The rest is a little incoherent:  "You have these guys like playing the ref, like the great Bobby Knight."  I told you he'd be thrown by Indiana.  "These people should b...

 Remember the RNC webpage announcing the national convention last July in Milwaukee, with a picture of Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam?  This is better. The Trump campaign targeted  Georgia voters with this Facebook ad, illustrated with a lovely photograph of Georgia, the republic in the Caucasus, formerly part of the USSR.  (Georgia USA has mountains, but they're not snow-capped.) In an interview with  Sharyl Attkisson,  Trump clarified his plan for deporting millions of non-citizens:  "Yes to mass deportation, even of women and children.  You put one wrong person onto a bus or onto an airplane, and your radical left lunatics will try and make it sound like the worst thing that's ever happened.  But we're getting the criminals out and we're going to do that fast, and we know who they are, and the local police know their names and they know their serial numbers.  They know everything about them." Here are a few of the questions Attkisson didn...

The White Supremacist Tour continues.  Last month Trump was in  Howell, Michigan,  one-time Klan capital of the Midwest.  Today it's  Wilmington, North Carolina,  site of an 1898 coup when the elected government was overthrown by a white  mob.   As an extra feature, the MAGA candidate for governor, who called himself a "black NAZI" on his favorite porn site, was politely asked not to attend.  Parse that if you can.  Is Trump scheduled to visit Tulsa?  Elaine, Arkansas? Fans of Slap Shot, the Citizen Kane of minor league hockey movies, will recall the fashion show the Charlestown Chiefs are forced to participate in.  This is better.  There was a Trump fashion show in Ronkonkoma before the big event and  Jeff Tiedrich's  indispensable blog covered it.  Believe me when I tell you these were among the more tasteful creations: James Comer could have submitted his three-hundred-page "we got nothin'" report on the ...

  I don't know who Anthony Citrano is but he gets my vote for poet laureate. Some days it's an effort to find things to write about.  And then there's September 20, 2024.  The cornucopia of crazy appears to be bottomless. To begin with the story likely to get the least attention, Citizens for Ethics and Responsibility in Washington ( CREW)  issued a detailed report on the $13.6 million Trump collected from foreign governments during his term, with China being the most generous.  This does not take into account trademarks, which are hard to quantify.  Regular corruption, not particularly sexy. For prurience we turn to the North Carolina governor race and the amazing adventures of  Mark Robinson,  hailed by Trump as "Martin Luther King on steroids."   CNN  reports that he was a regular on a porn website called "Nude Africa," where he shared thoughts about spying on a women's shower, transgender porn ("I like watching tranny on girl po...

 "I'm going to go there in the next two weeks.  I'm going to  Springfield.   You may never see me again but that's OK.  Got to do what I got to do.  'Whatever happened to Trump?'  'Well, he never got out of Springfield.'" It was the Nassau Coliseum, where the circus used to perform, and not a church in Memphis, but didn't that sound like Dr. King's last speech?  Of course not.  Memphis in 1968 was full of armed racists.  Springfield, Ohio, is full of frightened Haitians, pissed-off residents and extra security dispatched by the governor to deal with a mess created by Trump's lies and aggravated by Vance's.  King used the metaphor of Moses leading his people to the promised land but denied entry himself.  Trump wouldn't recognize the reference.  "You may never see me again"?  Does he expect to be eaten? "It'd be fine with me if they decided not to make that visit," said Republican Mayor Rob Rue, while Repu...

  As the activities of one earth species spiral out of control, let's keep it all in perspective by thinking about Porphyrion , the huge plasma jets exploding from a black hole in a distant galaxy.  There's not a thing to do but step back and gaze in awe. Meanwhile... In Sparta, Michigan, J.D. Vance blamed the media for blowing the Battle of Springfield out of proportion -- fifty bomb threats but every one of them false!  Does that even count, just because the hospital staff and the students have to evacuate while the bomb-sniffing dogs and their handlers race from one site to another?  Speaking of dogs, the real problem is the "twenty thousand migrants primarily from Haitia [sic]," not the righteous indignation of Real Americans.  OK, maybe the migrants don't eat pets, but they could.  They could have Temporary Protected Status because of the violence in Haitia -- I mean Haiti -- but who knows?  The Vance team thought they had a "gotcha" when they fou...

I didn't know anyone was still using pagers, but they're still popular with  Hezbollah.   Nine of its members died and several thousand others were injured when their pagers exploded in Lebanon.  Not all of them were terrorists -- the Lebanese health minister said one victim was a ten-year-old girl -- but if Israel has this capability, why are they bombing hospitals, schools and refugee camps?  Ironically, Hezbollah began using pagers to avoid being traced by their cell phones.  They have of course vowed revenge -- maybe with letter bombs.  (Amazon still sells pagers.  I just checked.) Taking their cue from Dean Martin and the Friars Club, the Proud Boys and funnyman Milo Yiannopoulos announce a "roast" of  Kamala Harris  tomorrow night at the Columbia campus of the University of South Carolina.  The organizer is the South Carolina chapter of Uncensored America, whose mission is to fight "censorship and cancel culture" through "honest an...

  This guy was allegedly lurking in the bushes at Motel a Lago with an assault weapon which he did not fire.  He was four hundred yards away from where Trump was playing.  The Secret Service shot at him and he was arrested nearby.  He may have thought he was doing something to help Ukraine.  Who knows what he thought?  Unless Florida has repealed its "open carry" law, he may be guilty of nothing more than trespass. Trump's  explanation is simplicity itself:  "He believed the rhetoric of Biden and Harris and he acted on it.  Their rhetoric is causing me to be shot at, when I am the one who is going to save the country and they are the ones that are destroying the country both from the inside and out.  They use highly inflammatory language.  I can use it too, far better than they can, but I don't."  He has never used highly inflammatory language about deportation being "a bloody story."  That was another obese clown painted...

 Did you know the US House of Representatives has open mic day?  After the grownups go home any Seinfeld wannabe can get up and try out new material for security guards, cleaners and puzzled tourists sitting in the gallery.  This week funnyman  Glenn Grothman  of the Wisconsin 6th broke in a monologue called "What's the deal with this French Revolution?"  "To this day some people view the French Revolution as something that should be looked upon favorably," he riffed, before complaining of "radical leftists in the mid-1800s" who found the family restricting and sought to reform it.  As a result, the patriarchal system which had served the West well for over two millennia lost its ability to keep women at home, control their property and earnings, if any, and take away their children if they made trouble.  That's why we're in this mess today, am I right? Glenn says he read a book by Suzanne Desan, who is not some Regnery crackpot but a respected...