Where to start?
Some days it's an effort to find things to write about. And then there's September 20, 2024. The cornucopia of crazy appears to be bottomless.
To begin with the story likely to get the least attention, Citizens for Ethics and Responsibility in Washington (CREW) issued a detailed report on the $13.6 million Trump collected from foreign governments during his term, with China being the most generous. This does not take into account trademarks, which are hard to quantify. Regular corruption, not particularly sexy.
For prurience we turn to the North Carolina governor race and the amazing adventures of Mark Robinson, hailed by Trump as "Martin Luther King on steroids." CNN reports that he was a regular on a porn website called "Nude Africa," where he shared thoughts about spying on a women's shower, transgender porn ("I like watching tranny on girl porn!...and yeah, I'm a 'perv' too!") and random subjects ("Had me another hot morning with the wifes sister!"). In fact, the only thing that repulsed the self-described "Black NAZI" was two men kissing. Needless to say, Robinson denies the whole thing as "tabloid trash" and has vowed to stay in the race. You hang in there, big man! (CNN has described him as "controversial and socially conservative," which wins our Euphemism of the Month award.)
The Matt Gaetz story has come back to life with sworn testimony placing him at a lobbyist's sex party in 2017 with a bunch of drugs and "a seventeen-year-old girl at the center of the alleged sex-trafficking case." That would be the girl Gaetz told Tucker Carlson "does not exist." For me the creepiest detail is that her mother drove her to the party. Maybe that's why she now lives in Colorado.
Someone took a photo of Kamala Harris with Montel Williams and his daughter from 2001 and altered it to make it appear that Harris and Ashley Williams were at a "freak off" with Sean "Various Other Names" Combs, currently under federal indictment for sex trafficking. No one is taking it seriously but Trump, who happily reposted it. He also shares conspiracy theories from his zany new friend Laura Loomer, who thinks a former Georgia election worker who now works for Harris is part of a nefarious plot to steal Trump votes. These are his policies.
Rudolph Giuliani was the opening act for Trump in Uniondale and he did not disappoint, especially Ph.D. candidates in geriatric psychopathology looking for a dissertation subject. "God bless Donald J. Trump, his wonderful family!" he screamed. "I pray to God that he keeps them alive. No more attacks! No more! Stop it! If there's anybody behind it I'll find them! I did it to the Mafia! I can do it to them! If you're behind it, I'm looking at you and I'm going to get you!" So that's why there's no organized crime. Couple problems here. He's been disbarred, and his most recent dumb lawsuit was just tossed by a federal judge. That's the one where he sued Joe Biden for defamation because Biden said he was "used as a Russian pawn." "Utterly failed to carry his burden" is what the judge wrote. Are we sure Rudy actually went to a law school?
Then the author of Melania got a blurb: "Go out and get her book. She just wrote a book. I hope she said good things about, I don't know, I didn't, so busy. Go out and buy it. It's great. And if she says bad things about me I'll call you all up and I'll say, 'Don't buy it. Get rid of it.'" She's going to need more than that. When not comparing her surgically enhanced body to the work of Michelangelo, she notes with satisfaction how she decided to "respect tradition and preserve [the White House's] grandeur for future generations" by destroying Jacqueline Kennedy's Rose Garden and replacing it with some nondescript grass. It's called "marking your territory." Also, she's still indignant about the FBI search that uncovered the classified papers stolen by her husband. Come on, Mel, he doesn't know squat about the Constitution but you had to study it for your citizenship test. You remember "probable cause."
"The Commission does not revoke licenses for broadcast stations simply because a political candidate disagrees with or dislikes content or coverage," FCC chair Jessica Rosenworcel had to say. Trump demanded that ABC lose its license because he was fact-corrected during the debate, or because Kamala Harris got the questions in advance, or because she was fed answers through her earrings, or some other excuse for his sorry performance. (Networks are not licensed, only individual stations.)
Only one more sex story, I promise: New York magazine is having a third party investigate the work of Olivia Nuzzi, who "engaged in a personal relationship with a former subject relevant to the 2024 campaign," Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. If Roadkill Bob saw her dressed like this, I'm not surprised:
"If the international Jewish financiers in and outside Europe should succeed in plunging nations once more into a world war, then the result will not be the bolshevization of the earth, and thus the victory of Jewry, but the annihilation of the Jewish race in Europe." (Adolf Hitler, January 30, 1941)
"If I don't win this election -- and the Jewish people would really have a lot to do with that if that happens -- because at 40 percent, that means 60 percent of the people are voting for the enemy -- Israel in my opinion will cease to exist within two years." (Donald Trump, September 19, 2024)
"The Jewish people would have a lot to do with a loss. It's only because of the Democrat hold, or curse, on you. With all I have done for Israel, I received only 24 percent of the Jewish vote. I really haven't been treated very well, but it's the story of my life." (Trump again)
Trump doesn't know what "bolshevization" means but he constantly paints "Comrade Kamala" as a "leftist Marxist Communist," which is close enough. He cannot make a distinction between American Jews and Israelis, which is fine with Miriam Adelson and the Israeli American Council. And the future is always war and annihilation unless Jews vote for him. Real Jews, not fake ones like Chuck Schumer. We're told he never opened the book of Hitler speeches he kept beside his bed. I'm not so sure.
Well, that got dark in a hurry. Who's up for a luxury yacht exploding? Wednesday night in Marina del Rey, California, the hundred foot Admiral, carrying a thousand rounds of ammunition, a bunch of fireworks and four thousand gallons of diesel fuel, exploded, burned and sank at the dock. Two people escaped, one of them slightly injured. There's video. Maybe we'll learn more about all the ammo. Until then, enjoy.
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