New maladies
Example: Elon Musk decided to attack CNN legal analyst Norm Eisen by informing his credulous X followers that he is the father of Tamar Eisen, who works for the National Democratic Institute. According to Musk, who struggles with English slang, she "was strutting her stuff as a program officer for the NDI's Gender, Women and Democracy team." He blames Norm Eisen for "a slew of lawsuits" against his illegitimate DOGE operation. The two are not related but it's inconceivable to Musk that two people he hates could share a surname and nothing else. Probably part of the Jewish world conspiracy to confuse victims of DK.
Not all sufferers are native to southern Africa. FBI director K$h Patel want new agents to be trained by coaches from the UFC (that's Ultimate Fighting Championship, for those who would rather read) in the kicking and punching skills that are so much more important in combating terrorism and organized crime than forensics, cyberliteracy or the law. He should talk to the Secretary of Education, who has many contacts in professional wrestling and other branches of show business.
The Biden administration awarded a $590 million contract to Moderna to develop a bird flu vaccine, which is reason enough to rescind it. It can't be savings -- $590 million is literally chicken feed. It must be the secretary of HHS and his hostility to science. Possibly he is afraid the vaccine would make hens autistic. The price of chicken eggs will soon rival the price of sturgeon eggs, but the proposed solution is to import more eggs, assuming Canada still wants to do business with the US. Avian flu has spread from chickens to cows, so fingers crossed it doesn't turn up in humans next. It has? Oh.
The administration's newest recruits are Paul Dabbar, a former nuclear submarine officer, as deputy secretary of Commerce, and Hung Cao, a failed Congressional candidate in Virginia, as undersecretary of the Navy. Was there a mixup? Of course not, The Leader does not make mistakes. Cao ran for the Senate last year to stop witchcraft from taking over Virginia and apparently the Navy's Wiccan problem has gone unaddressed for too long.
DoD mouthpiece Sean Parnell met with reporters yesterday to find out if they were "rooting" for The Leader, and if not, why not. The regime now chooses which reporters are even allowed to cover the White House -- working for the AP, which clings to the old-style "Gulf of Mexico," is disqualifying -- and the New York Times, Politico and Washington Post (pre-editorial reversal) have been banned from the Pentagon in favor of Newsmax, Breitbart and RT. Defense expert Tommy Tuberville has identified the real problem: the Pentagon is "way too big, too overbloated." His solution is to reduce it from five sides to three, or what he calls a "trigon." No wonder he looked like this when told of The Leader's plan to make English the official language.
Trouble in the tropics: Defying their governor, Tampa Bay Young Republicans have invited the notorious Tate brothers to one of their hoe-downs. "We're old enough to remember when a 'Convicted Felon' won the presidency," the self-styled "free speech absolutists" write. Maybe Bill Cosby turned them down.
Little Mikey Johnson isn't troubled by the angry voters venting their rage at Republican town halls. The Lord told him they're "paid protesters." Careful, Mr. Squeaker, that's how Alex Jones got in hot water, calling the dead children at Sandy Hook "crisis actors." Something something bear false witness, how does it go?
All right, whose idea was it to give Margie Greene a little Subcommittee (on Government Efficiency) of her own? Rep. Melanie Stansbury (D-NM) denounced The Leader for "saying he's a king...we will hold this administration accountable, and we will not abandon our allies or our humanity...We will fight back." Margie's little brain interpreted this as practically an assassination attempt: "Threats against the president of the United States will not be tolerated by anyone." So no more opposition. Don't make Donnie have to "inspect" the White House bunker again. Last time a cobweb got in his hair and he needed a Silkwood shower.
Margie's sidepiece Brian Glenn covers the White House for Real America's Voice (what conflict of interest?), so he was there for Volodymyr Zelensky's visit today. Bri asks the tough questions:
"Why don't you wear a suit? Why don't you wear a suit? You're at the highest level in this country's office (?) and you refuse to wear a suit. Do you even own a suit? A lot of Americans have problems with you not respecting the office."
ZELENSKY: "I will wear a costume after this war will finish. Maybe something like yours. Maybe something better, I don't know. We will see. Maybe something cheaper."
He wasn't a top-rated star of Ukrainian TV for nothing. The Leader posted his own press release (why does he need Bottle Blonde No. 1, Karoline Leavitt? Does she have other skills?):
Meanwhile Bottle Blonde No. 3, a/k/a the attorney general, unveiled the bombshell evidence from the long-suppressed Jeffrey Epstein file, which turned out to be "flight logs of Epstein's private jet, a partly redacted 'contacts' list and a blacked-out list of 'masseuses.'" In short, same-old same-old. Not even a pic of Alan Dershowitz getting a massage from an elderly Russian who might have been Nina Khrushchev fallen on hard times. With his pants on. So the clamor for the real secret documents will go on until they find some that are fit to print, as the New York Times might say.
Musk fired a lot of meteorologists from NOAA and the National Weather Service, but I wouldn't worry about it. Hurricane season doesn't start until June. How are you doing, North Carolina?
By the way, the latest addition to the Musk Lebensborn, "influencer" Ashley St. Clair, is suing him for custody of their five-month-old baby who is probably named something like Wheetabix. She claims the pregnancy was achieved through IVF, suggesting that the Boer suffers from TrumPeyronie's Disease. That's the condition where the penis curves so far to the right, the patient has to stand perpendicular to a urinal. But maybe it's just gossip.
Happy St. David's Day (Dydd Gwyl Dewi) to all who celebrate. Nos da.
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