Things to come

 

We all know that The Leader oozes masculinity.  That's why his fragrance is so expensive and why women are drawn like moths to his flame.  Even Jill Biden.  No, it's true!  Larry Kudlow and Harris Faulkner got together, accumulating sixty-five brain cells, and spilled the tea on Fox News yesterday.  Dr. Biden was seated next to The Leader at the reopening of Notre Dame Cathedral Sunday and she's clearly enthralled.  Or possibly wondering, as many of us were, why the French invited the assclown who wanted to destroy the place by bombing it with water five years ago.  Anyway she's not staring straight ahead and ignoring him, so the Fox gossip girls decided she must be wishing she had a big hunk of man like this one.  Is he using the picture to peddle his cologne/perfume/dashboard deodorant?  I'm glad you asked.

It's called good manners.  The wives of presidents are expected to have them.  Speaking of which, where is Melania?  I can't believe she passed up a chance for some Paris shopping.

Another example of good manners involves giving people their correct titles.

Get it?  It's a joke.  Or is it?  The Leader has hinted that his microscopic mandate will include bringing Canada into the union, something MAGA has long cried out for (at least those segments of MAGA who know where it is).  Unlike the Austrian Anschluss of 1938, this will be accomplished without tanks or a phony plebiscite -- the "Dominion" will be intimidated into submission through a combination of tariffs and Y chromosomes.  Most Canadians are practically American anyway, and the ones who refuse to speak English can be deported to France on day one.  He will be our retribution for the War of 1812.  

Does Pete Hegseth have a daughter?  I ask because someone dredged up a 2015 episode of Red Eye, Fox News's late-night laugh fest, where he was asked three "hypotheticals":  Would he kill little Hitler, suffocate a baby to protect others from enemy soldiers and pimp his daughter if his family was starving?  Wow, heavy.  Of course he would kill little Adolf, although he's not sure about smothering the baby (I think I saw this on MASH).  "I probably wouldn't sell my daughter," he concluded.  Of course he was still drinking then.  Today he probably would, to get 51 votes from the Senate.  

You knew there would be repercussions when The Leader had to be schooled by a mere female about the Fourteenth Amendment and other matters.  "Unfair," of course, and Kristen Welker was "pretty nasty," too.  (Good news for Meet the Press viewers, who won't have to see him again.)  "Because I've seen you interview other people like Biden."  "I've never interviewed President Biden," she said pointedly.  "I'm talking metaphorically," he replied, because he doesn't know what it means.  And then more whining about how unfair it is to ask questions at all, not like those nice people on Fox.  

Should Kristen Welker find herself being hauled onto a bus in the middle of the night and driven to an airport with a lot of frightened people, she won't be heading for the Bahamas or the Turks & Caicos.  Both nations have announced that they don't want to be "dumping grounds" for deportees from the New Trump Order.  That leaves Panama and Grenada, which have a troubled recent history with us.  Asylum seekers have been housed in 25 New York City shelters, but Mayor Eric Adams is evicting them as part of his groveling attempt to obtain a pardon before he is tried for corruption.  It's probably safe to say that Adams will be re-changing party affiliation any minute.

It's also safe to say that public opinion is decidedly mixed about the assassination of Brian Thompson.  This woman outside the Altoona, Pennsylvania, restaurant where the suspect was arrested apparently has some issues with America's insurance industry.  After another diner ratted Luigi Mangione out to police, the McDonalds was bombarded with negative reviews of both the cuisine and Thompson.  Cynics have suggested that this killing may result in more gun control legislation than all the school shootings combined, which is probably true.   The words Mangione allegedly inscribed on the bullet casings, "Deny, Defend, Depose" -- the methods insurance companies use to avoid paying -- are set to eclipse the Leader's "Fight fight fight" as a rallying cry.  They're already showing up on caps, cocktail glasses and sweaters, among other holiday-themed items.

It warms my heart to know that American industry can still re-tool like it's 1941.  By the way, Amazon has removed such merchandise from its website.  Rich CEOs are nervous, so -- mission accomplished.

Mike Turner (R-OH), chair of the House Intelligence Committee, finds it "outrageous" that the Leader's 2017-21 Justice Department spied on two Congressmen and 43 staffers to find out who was talking to journalists.  Turner calls it "a grave Constitutional violation" and demands laws requiring judicial authorization in future.  Yeah, that should rein in the people who think the Leader can amend the Constitution by fiat and can't wait to impose martial law.  As of January 20 the Constitution is as dead as James Madison.

Now we know why flocks of drones are appearing over New Jersey, and it's not military installations or reservoirs or even Trump's golf course -- they're spying on Peter Doocy, says Peter Doocy, who seriously needs to get over himself.  Over nine million people live in the Garden State.  Maybe Doocy should put on pants when he cuts the grass.

Are you sadistic and without a moral compass?  If so, the messaging app Discord could be for you.  That's where the depraved gather to encourage vulnerable people to kill themselves for entertainment purposes.  Several years ago a merry band gathered to watch as a man in Minnesota set himself on fire, laughing and cheering.  The Washington Post tracked one of them down somewhere in eastern Europe, and she says she was fifteen at the time and now regrets her participation.  How nice.  Remember when we were told the internet would bring us together?  It has happened.

There's one less reason to read the New York Times today:  Paul Krugman has written his last column.  In case it's paywalled, here's the key paragraph:  "What strikes me, looking back [to 2000] is how optimistic many people...were back then and the extent to which that optimism has been replaced by anger and resentment.  And I'm not just talking about members of the working class who feel betrayed by elites; some of the angriest, most resentful people in America right now -- people who seem very likely to have a lot of influence with the incoming Trump administration -- are billionaires who don't feel sufficiently admired."  

As Lennon and McCartney once observed, "Money can't buy me love."  It can't guarantee your safety -- it certainly didn't guarantee Lennon's.  I want a tree bauble that says "FAFO."