Whine country

 The most refreshing thing about the Democratic National Convention was an almost total absence of complaining.  Anger, accusation, protest, sure, but no whinging self-pity.  Show's over, let's see what the playground thinks.

Starting small in every sense, here's Rudolph Giuliani blubbing on behalf of federal prisoner Stephen K. Bannon, doing a very short stretch for contempt of Congress.  Did you know he's being tortured?  It's true:  They won't let him watch his very own podcast, which has the bombastic title "War Room:  Battleground."  Of course I immediately thought of something Robert Klein said years ago about the disparity of punishment within the United States:  "Smoke a joint in Texas and it's consecutive life sentences, no chance of parole or visitors.  Commit murder in Rhode Island, you can't watch television for three nights."   Of course he exaggerated because that's how comedy works, but what else was Rudy the Comedian doing when he used the word "torture" and hurled his "J'accuse!" at Merrick Garland, who has nothing better to do than set conditions for everyone in the prison system?  Some of us would consider it torture if we had to listen to Giuliani and his straight man Mike Lindell for even an hour.  No TV.  I'll bet they make him shower, too.  The horror.

Trump is a bottomless pit of grievance, as Barack Obama observed in his speech, and now he's trying to complain his way out of debating Kamala Harris on September 10.  He won't admit that she scares him, choosing instead to blame "ABC FAKE NEWS" for being mean to Tom Cotton.  "Why would I do the Debate...on that network?"  Also "their so-called Panel of Trump-Haters" and another childish insult of George Stephanopoulos, who is not scheduled to take part in the debate.  He had no problem agreeing to debate Joe Biden on the same network.  His keepers are insisting it's the Harris people who are making difficulties.  Mute or not mute microphones?  Raucous MAGA mob or not?  Must do it Donnie's way or not at all!  He also complains that she won't give interviews "because she has NO CONFIDENCE in her own level of 'Intelligence.'"  Trump's own "interviews" are too incoherent even for Fox, and in any case, what has it to do with debate rules?

The high they got from mocking Gus Walz has worn off and MAGA has moved on to the family dog, Scout.  There's a picture of Tim Walz at the dog park with a totally different dog, which proves that -- I don't know, that he lied about the existence of Scout or the park or something.  Or that another dog's owner asked for a picture of the governor with their dog.  Not really a giant conspiracy, like replacing the state's flag with Somalia's.  Give it up, guys.

                                                                       

Kamala Harris continues to set records for fundraising and Trump continues to set records for hospitalizing his followers.  In Glendale, Arizona, where it was 104F, over a hundred people were treated for heat exhaustion.  This proof of their devotion pleases him no end.  Maybe Arizona is like Georgia, where it's a crime to give water to someone waiting in line to vote.

Meanwhile the Trump Brainz Trust is searching frantically for reasons to disqualify Kamala Harris from even running.  The most creative comes from a bunch called the National Federation of Republican Assemblies citing, of all things, the 1857 Supreme Court decision in Scott v. Sandford.  Yes, Dred Scott.  It's their notion that her parents were not citizens at the time of her birth and therefore, neither is she.  (In the interests of looking impartial, they also name Nikki Haley and Vivek Ramaswamy.)  That decision was superseded by the Fourteenth Amendment, which has not been struck down as of this writing.

The intrepid Laura Loomer has been at the DoJ's Immigration and Naturalization Service looking for anything suspicious, and she has an elaborate theory that Shyamala Harris lied about the number of children she had on an official document, thus proving that...her daughter Kamala does not exist?  Who knows?  Again, take a look at No. 14 -- if she was born in California, she's qualified to run for president.  Loomer would be better off quoting Roger Taney.

Could Texas turn blue?  Ken Paxton thinks it could.  Lidia Martinez, an 87-year-old former teacher, complained about her neighbors not receiving their mail ballots.  In retaliation, Paxton sent officers of the state election integrity unit to her San Antonio home at 6 am to conduct a search.  When she told them she did not have the voter registration cards she had collected, they seized her phone, her laptop and some documents.  Martinez is a longtime volunteer with the League of United Latin American Citizens, and Paxton wouldn't recognize integrity if it sat on his face.

Fuck around and find out, y'all.  Last week Trump's pal Roger Stone was calling for Brian Kemp to be locked up.  This week, the Journal-Constitution reports that Kemp has asked the attorney general -- you remember Brad Raffensperger -- if he has the authority to remove MAGA operatives from the Georgia Board of Elections.  He's uncomfortable with some rule changes which seem to favor Trump, like scrutinizing "discrepancies" before they certify the vote.  Keep ranting, Stoney.

Now that Roadkill Bob Kennedy has signed on as second official weirdo, there are uncomfortable questions being asked about "Operation Warp Speed," the program to develop a covid vaccine for which Trump continues to take bows ("Some people say I saved one hundred million lives worldwide") and which Kennedy calls "the deadliest vaccine ever made."  You two idiots can't both be right, can you?  Meanwhile, a story from 2012 about Kennedy and the head of a whale has resurfaced which -- well, let's say Mitt Romney's treatment of his dog no longer looks quite so bizarre.  

On a related note, the anti-vaxers have taken a dislike to tetanus shots.  I'm actually fine with this, as it's not contagious and the more MAGAs who die of lockjaw, the better.  I hear it's really nasty.

Lara Trump went on Fox to invent a new category:  "illegal citizens."  Sounding like Liam Neeson in Taken if he overdosed on Ambien and lip collagen, LT vowed to "find you, track you down and prosecute you" if you "illegal citizens" try to "illegally vote."  "We have people everywhere," she added, because she has a very special set of skills.  Thinking is not one of them.

And now from our nostalgia file, here's a Golden Oldie of Trump racism:  "Think of it, America, Pocahontas, sometimes referred to as Elizabeth Warren, is considered far more Conservative in the U.S. Senate than Comrade Kamala Harris ever was."  No, she isn't, and really, after all these years, Pocahontas?  Has he ever heard of Sacagawea?  Or the greatest Native America name of all time, Wilma Mankiller?  It's like he's given up.

Another echo of the past, "powerfulnnz" joins "covfefe" in the Trump lexicon.  This time MAGA scholars were busy long after it had been deleted trying to decode the secret message.  He probably just had an ischemic episode, as when he kept poking the buttons on his phone while trying to talk to Bret Baier last Thursday.

And finally it's time to play Spot the Dog Whistle.  From Rachel Campos-Duffy (Fox & Friends):  "What's the other side?  It's a globalist ticket with these mystery puppet masters running it."

From Kandiss Taylor, District 1 chair, Georgia Republican Party:  "We shouldn't be electing anyone in government -- local, state or federal -- that is not a Christian."

From Stew Peters, proprietor of the Stew Peters Network:  "We don't have any representation in Washington.  We have a bunch of people that are sold out to Jews."

Only the first two are dog whistles.  

Never say Trump can't go any lower.  Lower even than trashing the Medal of Honor.  Here's the felonious draft dodger finally dragging his fat ass to Arlington National Cemetery.  He was otherwise engaged on Memorial Day but he found time to celebrate the third anniversary of the Kabul Airport attack today.

Trump doesn't know any better and never will, but eternal shame on the adults in this picture who matched his shit-eating grin.  Please tell me at least one of them fell into a grave and died.

Sorry, Marine.