Inoperative

 

Hold the front page!  Yesterday Trump said he might vote against Florida's six-week abortion ban.  Today he changed his mind, citing an imaginary law that would allow abortion "in the ninth month."  The shrieks of outrage from the forced birthers had nothing to do with what Dana Bash would call a "flip flop" if Kamala Harris suggested it.  Trump has often complained of babies being aborted after birth, which is a thing that exists only in his brain.

Today he's supporting Amendment 3, which would legalize recreational weed in Florida's constitution.  We'll see how long that lasts.  Always attacking, he still does not want it smoked in public places "so we do not smell marijuana everywhere we go, like we do in many of the Democrat run Cities" (unspecified).  Ron DeSantis opposes Amendment 3, so it's really just a dick-measuring contest -- after all, the governor was not the one disparaged by Barack Obama at the convention.  (Florida has been a state since 1845 but its constitution only has two amendments?  I guess they got it nearly perfect the first time.)

The Lincoln Project has asked the Justice Department to investigate whether Roadkill Bob Kennedy was promised a job in exchange for ending his candidacy and endorsing Trump.  They acknowledge that no one has ever been prosecuted for such corruption, but neither has there been a presidential candidate with thirty-four felony convictions and a bathroom full of classified documents, just to scratch the surface.  I'm certain this is one of a long list of things Merrick Garland will not be getting right on, along with the Texas Democrats worried about Ken Paxton's Olympic-level voter intimidation.

Although Franklin Graham is disappointed by his vulgarity, Trump is so triggered by the awfulness of Kamala Harris that he felt he had no choice at his Pennsylvania hate rally:  "Every place she's touched has turned to shit.  Every single place she's touched.  Have to say it.  Every place she has touched."  Even Melania has stopped promoting her fooking new book to remonstrate with him about the potty talk, but he just can't help it.  Jesus weeps but forgives.

At the same Klonvokation Trump praised Rep. Byron Donalds as only he would:  "That one is smart.  You have smart ones and then you have some that aren't quite so good."  If Donalds considers this an endorsement, let's see him use it in his campaign materials.

Americans love government shutdowns, right?  They love being turned away from national parks and Washington museums they long planned and saved up to visit, they love calling Social Security and the IRS and getting a recording, they love petulant behavior by politicians who didn't get their way.  That must be why Trump is ordering his MAGAs to "close it up" two months before election day.  That's what he told Monica Crowley, one of his White House blondes who now operates a podcast.  They agreed about the vital importance of the SAVE Act, a bullshit Republican law to outlaw voting by non-citizens, which is already illegal.  It's part of their long-term strategy to challenge any election that Trump does not win.

Trump can't understand why his carefully chosen running mate continues to cause such revulsion among voters.  Maybe it has to do with another interview from 2021 recently uncovered where he insults women and immigrants and suggests that racism may not be that bad ("the left uses racism as a cudgel").  Women think careers will make them happy but they're wrong:  "They think that truly the liberationist path is to spend ninety hours a week working in a cubicle at McKinsey instead of starting a family and having children."  They "chase things that will make them miserable and unhappy and so they get in positions of power and then they project that misery and unhappiness on the rest of society."  The result?  "Soy boys," men stripped of their traditional role as monster-fighters who defend their families from the enemy in the next cave.  Vance is smarter than Trump.  He has clearly given a lot of thought to this garbage.  He has no excuse.  (Usha Vance is also a Yale-trained lawyer but I imagine she finds it difficult to practice while chained to the refrigerator.)

J.D. might cut her loose to attend the Moms for Liberty shindig in Washington.  All the Moms who haven't been arrested for shoplifting or involved in embarrassing three-ways this year gathered for a "fireside chat" with Trump, who is now plagiarizing FDR.  Did you know he wanted to make Ivanka ambassador to the UN instead of that "bird brain" Nikki Haley?  "She may be my daughter but nobody could have competed with her, with her rat-tat-tat, the whole deal she's got."  Not too embarrassing.  She apparently hired "millions of people" while Daddy's Specialest Assistant, mostly Chinese sweatshop workers who sewed her knockoff fashion line.  But what, founder Tiffany Justice (!) wondered, would he do about the "explosion" of transgendered children, a right-wing obsession.  "Well, you can do everything," he assured her.  "The president has such power.  It does.  It has such power."  No specific examples were offered, but presumably he would make them transition back or kill them.  What else could he have meant?  Then he modestly explained why he is such a genius:  "Did you know that some of the biggest [sic], smartest, most brilliant leaders come from Scotland?  Or at least, you know, their parents came from Scotland."  I don't think he meant Keir Hardie.  Or David Hume ("The life of man is of no greater importance to the universe than that of an oyster").

Rat-tat-tat!