Disconnected

 Where do I begin?  Woodrow Wilson after a stroke made more sense.  Abraham Lincoln with a bullet in his brain would have made more sense.  How can anyone think this should be a leader?

"Where there's so much water you don't know what to do with it.  It's called rain.  It rains a lot in certain places but uhhh...no.  Their idea...you know, did you see the other day, they just put...I opened it up and they closed it again.  I opened it, they closed it.  Washing machines to wash your...dishes.  There's a problem.  They don't want you to have any water.  They want no water."

It's called rain.

Jesus Christ on a bicycle.  If Jesus Christ on a bicycle showed up at Saturday's "Faith & Freedom Coalition" wankfest he would have heard this:

"Together we stood up to the communists, Marxists and fascists to defend religious liberty like no other president has ever done.  And I have the wounds all over my body.  If I took this shirt off you'd see a beautiful beautiful person.  But you'd see wounds all over, all over me.  I have taken a lot of wounds, I can tell you.  More than I suspect any president ever.  You know in history -- and I've read, I love the, I love this stuff -- but in history they say Andrew Jackson was treated the worst...and Abraham Lincoln was the second worst.  Now he had a civil war so you know, you sort of think that was understood.  And now they're re-writing the books.  Trump was treated the worst...But I definitely took top spot..."

Put your shirt back on, that's ketchup.

"If Joe Biden gets back in Christianity will not be safe.  In a nation with no borders, no laws, no freedom, no future...You're not going to be safe as a person and your religion will certainly be, I think, in tatters.  We answer to God in heaven.  You're not even allowed to say that anymore.  Today if you say that they want to arrest you.  Who likes the Ten Commandments, by the way, going up in the schools?"

At this point Jesus takes a coin out of his pocket and doesn't ask whose image is on it; he reads the words "IN GOD WE TRUST."  The same words inscribed on the wall of the courtroom where Trump was found guilty of election interference.  He thinks of all the churches and synagogues he passed on the way here and he decides, "This man is full of shit."  Then he gets back on the bike and goes to help some Habitat for Humanity people build a house. 

No sharks at F & F, but a couple of Trump's bottle-blondes added to the fun.  Monica Crowley, who did something at Trump's Treasury Department, was in charge of rehabilitating Joe McCarthy, the Senate's favorite censured alcoholic.  According to Monica, he tried to warn us that the KGB had infiltrated the Deep State, which brought down Nixon before turning its attention to Trump.  (The KGB, which later employed Vladimir Putin, was only created in 1954 at the end of McCarthy's reign of terror, but why let facts intrude on faith?)  Crowley inadvertently said a true thing:  "Trump...has the hand of god on him.  There's no other secular, rational explanation for Donald J. Trump."  In the Middle Ages that's what was thought of people like Quasimodo.

Paula White-Cain, one of Trump's "spiritual advisers," attacked rules from the Department of Health and Human Services as "wickedness and darkness" because they protect LGBTQ youth by placing them in safe homes.  If he hadn't left early, Jesus would be astonished by the Christian obsession with other people's sexuality, a subject he never discussed on his earlier visit.  But Sister Paula is convinced that leaving other people alone "is an attack upon faith, upon our beliefs, on Christianity, upon every person of faith."  The Christonazis attack "Communism and Marxism" but insist that everyone share their beliefs, in mental lockstep like Iranians and North Koreans.  How odd.  

At least the crowds are getting smaller.

Here's a fine Christian woman in Euless, Texas, who's living her faith.  In May Elizabeth Wolf was enraged by a Muslim woman in a burkini using the pool at their apartment complex.  She pulled off the woman's hijab and dragged her children, age three and six, to the deep end in an attempt to drown them.  Or maybe baptize them?  Let's hear both sides.  Why does the Biden administration hate Christianity?  Anyway, the children are terrified and the woman's husband has to leave work to accompany them to appointments, jeopardizing his job.  They thought they were safe when they left Palestine.  Not that it matters but they are American citizens.

Who else is hot about Commandments?  As you might expect it's sexxxy grandma Lauren Boebert, who dropped by the Steve Bannon podcast to agree that "we need morals back in our nation...I don't think it's bad to teach children that adultery is something you should not do."  Have you and Jayson finalized the divorce yet?  Never mind.  "Also listed in the Ten Commandments is 'thou shall not steal.'  Maybe the left and some of these politicians are having a meltdown over having that listed in our classrooms."  Would that include looting charities for your own profit?  Accepting lavish gifts from rich people with cases you might one day decide?  Raising funds for political purposes and using them to pay lawyers?  How does the morally renewed Congresswoman feel about her party using Tinashe's song "Nasty" to promote her Hot Girl Summer event this week?  "I've been a nasty girl, Is somebody gonna match my freak?"  To be honest, I like this Boebert better.  

Speaking of Bannon, he came up with a last-minute excuse to save Trump from debate-pocalypse.  When Trumpette Karoline Leavitt was last on CNN she started to trash Jake Tapper and Kasie Hunt cut off her microphone.  "CNN owes you an apology today," Bannon thundered at Leavitt.  "And if we don't get that apology to Karoline Leavitt and to the Trump campaign and to MAGA today, President [sic] Trump should cancel this."  It feels a little flimsy, but I guess it depends on how panicky Trump is by Thursday.  Maybe if "they" take away his water and he can't properly wash his beautiful beautiful hair...

Or if he has another episode like this:  "And my stupid people when I wanted to refute it they said sir, don't dignify it with a refuttal.  Refutal or a refuttal?  What the hell word would that be?  Refuttal.  What, they'll say he didn't know refuttal or refutal but they don't know either."  English is hard.

And there's always the pee-in-a-cup demand:  "...A little before debate time [Biden] gets a shot in the ass and that's -- they want to strengthen him up so he comes out.  He'll come out.  I -- OK.  I say he'll come out all jacked up, right?"  A shot in the ass -- when snorting Adderall is no longer enough.  Very knowledgeable, sir, aren't you?

In his spare moments Trump continues to attack Mitt Romney, who is not running for re-election, and to post pictures of Cassidy Hutchinson and Brad Raffensperger, in case some patriot wants to do something about these witnesses ahead of his eventual Georgia trial.  Another day, another bond violation.  

I saved the Dana White story for last because it is without a doubt the most bizarre thing anyone has said since Friday.  White runs something called Ultimate Fighting Championship, which I'm sure is totally legit.  "I said, 'Dana, I have an idea.  Why don't you set up a migrant league of fighters...and then you have the champion of your league -- these are the greatest fighters in the world -- fight the champion of the migrants.'  I think the migrant guy might win, that's how tough they are."  Naturally White called it "a joke," that Trump, what a subversive sense of humor, many people don't get how funny he is when he suggests that half-starved asylum seekers fight steroid-stuffed professionals.  Because in MAGA fantasies all migrants are basically Godzilla in his prime, raping and murdering with impunity.     Where does he get these ideas?

I'm waiting for an apologist to say it's better than calling them animals.