D-Day minus rationality

 

I love the smell of panic in the morning.

Andy Ogles will fix it.  The pride of the Kentucky 5th went to Newsmax to announce his new bill:  "The 'No Juicing Joe,' which would require him to divulge, to report to the America people anytime that he takes a mind-altering stimulant like we know he's gonna have to do before this debate.  They're gonna have him juiced up and jacked up on some sort of cocktail so that he can be lucid and take on, or at least try to debate Donald Trump."  Better hurry, Andy, the show starts in a little over six hours.  Have you ever tried passing a bill before?  Or a kidney stone?  No one could accuse a Kentucky Republican of taking anything that might stimulate thought or cognition.  

Margie Malaprop assured Steve Bannon of her love for Trump but she's worried:  "He is walking into a trap, he is walking into a rigged debate, he is walking into an arena filled with people that want to murder him.  He's going to stand ten feet away from Joe Biden who wants to put him in prison the rest of his life, wants him to die and rot in prison."  Do not forsake me, oh my darling...Maybe Biden will destroy him with his X-ray vision, old and feeble and confused as he is.  By the way, how do you "rig" a debate?  Replace Trump's responses with Yoko Ono songs?

Somebody named Logan Paul, described as "boxer and influencer," says Trump will direct most of his vituperation at Jake Tapper, who he now perceives as an enemy.  Not a debate, a hostile interview.  I see.  Brilliant strategy.    

No, no, chuckles Mike Johnson, we don't really believe poor old Joe will be on cocaine or any of the other stimulants Dr. Whatsisname has been ranting about to anyone who will listen.  You leftist degenerates have no sense of humor.  But asking about Red Bull or Mountain Dew, those are just legitimate questions.  It would be irresponsible not to ask.  In other words, if Biden has a second cup of coffee with dinner we'll know he's all hopped up on the caffeine.  (Fun fact:  Diet Coke also contains caffeine.)

For reasons best known to the corporate management CNN has scheduled two commercial breaks and the Trump campaign snapped up the chance to run a particularly racist attack ad.  After the Voice of Doom speculates on whether Biden will "make it four more years in the White House" it concludes, "Vote Joe Biden today, get Kamala Harris tomorrow" and video of Harris laughing.  Expect plenty of deep-fake just in case MAGA is too thick to get the message.  SCARY BLACK WOMAN PRESIDENT!!  For the last four years the right has been pounding home how dumb and unteachable she is/they are (DEI!) and tonight they hope to move in for the kill.  

But Trump is not a racist because he has many Black friends.  They love him, too, because all Black Americans know what it's like to be victimized by the legal system.  This morning he stopped by Rocky's Barbershop -- which is to say he called in from elsewhere.  Perhaps he agrees with the American Airlines flight attendant who ordered three Black men off a plane because of their alleged smell.  In any case, Trump whined about being "railroaded" by Alvin Bragg and Fani Willis (no mention of Jack Smith) and boasted about the mugshot which "beat Elvis Presley and Frank Sinatra by a lot, by the way!  Beat 'em by a lot!"  Only yesterday it was evidence of torture.  And when precisely were Elvis and Sinatra arrested?  Never mind, he's rolling:  "That's the number one mugshot of all time!"  Because when us brothers get together, we compare mugshots, right?  

As you can see, he's spray-tanned, racist and ready.