Admiral of the Ocean Sea?

 Ronny Jackson will have to change his name to Johnson.  And then claim it was always Johnson and only Trump was smart enough to know it.  That's how sycophancy works.  Like Mussolini, Trump ha sempre ragione.

The old fool was bragging again about identifying a camel, or remembering five words, or whatever he did years ago to demonstrate his lack of dementia and astonishing IQ, and of course he misnamed the doctor who supposedly administered the test.  The one who certified his weight at 215, perfect for a stunning individual of six feet four.  It was made for the headlines, for erasing all the other garbage that came out of his face.  He does this on the regular.  When he said "Nancy and I would be perfect together" he probably confused Pelosi with Nikki Haley again.

A Florida nonentity named Greg Steube abased himself with a proposal to -- let me check this -- rename all the coastal waters, about four million square miles, the "Donald John Trump Exclusive Economic Zone of the United States."  We've always gotten along with "US Exclusive Economic Zone" but nothing says sovereignty like the name of a convicted felon.  (The "John" is a nice touch.)  I guess those sharks will think twice about attacking Americans when they hear about the new economic sheriff in town.  Unless Chuck Schumer dies laughing there's no way this comes to the Senate floor, but you know most of the day care center for crack babies formerly called the House of Representatives is all over it.  I can imagine amendments re-naming the Gulf of Mexico for Ivanka or Barron.

It's especially amusing if you know anything about Turkmenistan, the weird country in central Asia where most of the natural gas comes from.  Its first post-Soviet dictator named things like days, months and bread after his mother.  The second one makes everybody run up a hill once a year while he watches from his helicopter.  He also wrote a book everyone has to study to graduate from school or even get a driver's license, although it's not as gaudy as the Trump Bible.  Gold statues everywhere, very classy.  It can't happen here, right?

The obsession with batteries (don't get them wet!) continues.  "The problem with the Army tanks like cars and like trucks, the problem is that you would have to bring a battery pack along.  You're going to pull it like a little wagon, like a child pulls a wagon.  So they want to build an Army tank.  But you know, the battery is very big."  You have no idea how my head hurts from typing that.  Please don't ask me to explain it.

Of course the Father of the Turkmens Americans did not disappoint with his Fathers Day message of hate and rage for us RADICAL LEFT DEGENERATES who simply don't love the WONDERFUL CONSTITUTON, the one he promises to tear up on Day One.  Don't make me quote it all, moved as I was by his tribute to OUR SACRED COURT SYSTEM.  Not many felons would remember it on their special day.  And now many people appreciate what he accomplished by bringing so many white people into a Black church in Detroit to hear him rant.  There's a first time for everything.

It's good that Trump has so many "spiritual advisers," because at least one of them will not be invited to the convention/revival meeting in Horrible Milwaukee.  Robert Morris may have been forgiven by his organization and restored to pastoring after he admitted to molesting a twelve-year-old girl, but it's so hard to explain that kind of thing to the general public, even the portion of it that doesn't suspect every Democrat of being a pedophile.   

From the New York Times, f/k/a "The Newspaper of Record" -- "President Biden's campaign on Monday began its most aggressive effort to brand former President Donald J. Trump a felon..." hang on, gray lady, I believe twelve residents of New York County did that.  Thirty-four times, if you've lost count.  Why don't you just endorse him and be done with it?  Won't do you any good on Day One, but try it.  I can't tell you who wrote this bumf because the Times wants me to subscribe for a dollar a week.  Not worth it.  (Oh, look, they just changed it!  A lot of readers probably want their dollar back.)

On some podcast Trump reiterated that he doesn't believe in UFOs but people who are "very smart and very solid" and call him "Sir" have intrigued him.  "I met with pilots, like beautiful Tom Cruise but taller.  Handsome, perfect people."  People who know Roswell is in New Mexico, not Nevada as Trump seems to think, and they've seen "something."  Maybe the Deep State is covering it up.  Look, it's Pride Month, if he wants to gush over "beautiful Tom Cruise" it's far from the worst thing he says.

Hey, girls, look what the party of No Abortion/No Contraception has for you!  Skip that boring old debate on June 24 and head to Washington on the 26th for "Hot Girl Summer women's happy hour."  SNL is on vacation so you know this is, like, for real!  Guest stars include "AI innovator" and completely happy wife Ginger Gaetz, Newsmax anchor Jenn Pellegrino, and sexxxy grandma Lauren "One Hand Clapping" Boebert!  Look for the pink invitation on Xitter.  Pink.  With drawings of women in bikinis.  No ugmos or fatties, pleeeeeze!