Very too bad
Last week we reported on former Trump fluffer John McEntee and his mission to rid America of pornography. He also has a side gig where he distributes counterfeit money to homeless people in the hope that they will try to spend it and get arrested and maybe even become famous if they're arrested by somebody like Derek Chauvin. Isn't that so Trump? After boasting about it McEntee wimped out, posting, "Just a joke. Everyone calm down." So you have a choice of lies to believe, just as with his ex-boss.
A poll by Florida Atlantic University found that voters preferred Casey DeSantis in a fantasy match-up against Matt Gaetz, who apparently thinks he can shake off the hellhounds of the House Ethics Committee by running for governor. In other Ethics news, they've begun investigating two Texas nuisances, Ronny Jackson and Wesley Hunt. They're coy about the exact charges but it looks like Dr. Candyman was using campaign funds in unethical ways. Since the Navy demoted him to captain and reduced his pension he may be having trouble making ends meet.
On the grounds that Judge Juan Merchan can't issue gag orders for the entire Republican Party, the faithful are flocking to New York to stand outside the courthouse and proclaim Trump's innocence. Today's guest was Mike "Moses" Johnson even though the House is in session and struggling to do some actual legislating. He was joined by Byron Donalds and Cory Mills, both parts of the Republicans' paper-thin majority, and also Doug Burgum and Vivek Ramaswamy, who have nothing else to do. Johnson famously has a porn-monitoring app on his phone so he may already be familiar with Stormy Daniels and her oeuvre. If Aileen Cannon shows up we'll know she's on the VP shortlist.
Trump does not think the support he gets from Fox News is fervent enough and wants Eric Shawn replaced by Jeanine "Judge Boxwine" Pirro. There's no gag order that can hold her!
A Canadian whistleblower using the cautious pseudonym integrate has taken to Daily Kos to accuse Lara Trump of soliciting a campaign contribution, which is just as illegal as a Canadian voting in our presidential election. I'm sure the Justice Department will get right on it.
Apparently 17 percent of registered voters in six swing states think Joe Biden bears some responsibility for the Roe v. Wade disaster, although Trump rarely misses an opportunity to brag about it. They're right insofar as Biden refused even to consider adding justices to the far-right Supreme Court to bring it into line with America in the 21st century. On the other hand, how do you reach people that dumb? Maybe start by making a fuss about deep-red Louisiana, which has made mifepristone and misoprostol "controlled substances," like heroin.
Mark your scorecard. The orcas have sunk another yacht, the fifty-foot Alboran Cognac, off the coast of Morocco. Two people were rescued before the orcas could EAT THE RICH.
When bad things happen to bad people #1: Tommy Tuberville did not enjoy visitin' the big city. "I'm disappointed in the courtroom. I'm hearing 'Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump.' He is former President Trump. Give him some respect." Mister is respectful. That's why I call him Orange Diaperload. "It is depressing. That courtroom is depressing." Why not stroll over to the Tweed Courthouse, with the fancy marble columns? That's where they film Law and Order. "I am disappointed in looking at the American -- supposedly American citizens in that courtroom, that the DA comes in and he acts like it is his Superbowl." Yeah, New York's just full of those dark-skinned and Asian and I don't know what all type of people. If only they had to wear some kind of badges or stars or something so's you could spot the non-citizens. Maybe next year..."Democrats are trying to beat President [sic] Trump in the jury box because they can't beat him at the ballot box." You learned that off real good, coach. Who wrote it for you?
#2: Clarence Thomas does not like Washington. "My wife and I, the last two or three years, just the nastiness and the lies." Well, that's what happens when people remember you're on the court. In all the preceding years you asked, what, two questions during oral arguments? And your wife never took part in a coup until 2021 that we know of. "Especially in Washington people pride themselves in being awful." Why not take the RV to Martha's Vineyard this summer? You and Ginni could hang out with Alan Dershowitz. He doesn't get invited to the good parties anymore and I'm sure he'd be grateful for the company. Maybe you can work out a way to bust some of Trump's "hostages" out of prison. Some real law work for a change.
#3: J.D. Vance: "We started in Trump Tower with a beautiful view of Central Park." You slept on Trump's foldout? "Then you come to a dingy court house with people like Alvin Bragg." Again, sorry for the municipal architecture. Next time you come we'll try to have more imposing buildings and a white DA. "They prevent his supporters from getting too close to the court house" -- not the crowd fantasy again -- and they prevent his friends from standing too close to him." He has friends? It sounds like your beef is with the Secret Service. "The president [sic] is expected to sit here for six weeks and listen to the Michael Cohens of the world." Do you mean his former bagmen or Jews in general? "I'm now convinced the main goal of this trial is psychological torture." Evan Gershkovich on line one, Senator.
#4: Number 45 in the history books, number one in their hearts: "The majority of voters in Georgia, Pennsylvania, Michigan, say Trump cannot get a fair trial. That's too bad. That's very too bad."
Very.
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