Friday desk clearance

 Largely unremarked, there were two food product recalls this week:  Tyson pulled tons of chicken patties because pieces of metal were discovered in them, and three companies had something called fruit pouches removed from stores because they contained enough lead to make children sick.  Don't tell the Republicans or they'll cut the Secretary of Agriculture's salary to a dollar a year, which is their spiteful new party trick.

Every time I consider subscribing to the New York Times they save me a bunch of money with an editorial decision that is completely unjustifiable.  This week they fired Jazmine Hughes for signing an ad that condemned Israel's actions in Gaza.  Then they paid someone to write an article praising the tasteful way Trump's spawn dressed when they went to court to testi-lie on Daddy's behalf.  This is not a serious newspaper.

Right-wing financier Peter Thiel is saving money, too -- he's not spending any of his millions (billions?) on next year's electoral shitshow.  It seems Trump let him down:  "Voting for Trump was like a not very articulate scream for help.  It was crazier than I thought.  It was more dangerous than I thought.  They couldn't get the most basic pieces of the government to work."  Notice -- he doesn't care how close we came to a coup, it's just that they didn't quite pull it off.

Apparently we have so many allies that we can afford to piss off the closest and most steadfast one, according to Vivek Ramaswamy (who needs another hobby).

A letter laced with fentanyl was intercepted on its way to election officials in Fulton County, Georgia, and others are believed to be in transit.  This is what happens you don't close Trump's mouth, Judge Chutkan.  Put him in a cell, like any defendant flagrantly in contempt of court.  Either he'll emerge as meek and submissive as he is in the presence of Putin, or he'll have a psychotic break.  You can run for president from inside a prison; Debs did, and so did LaRouche.  Let's find out if you can run from inside a straitjacket.

A South Korean man was crushed to death by a robot which was unable to distinguish him from a case of vegetables.  Now I'm a little less worried about AI.

"WE WANT TRUMP THE MAGADOR TO KILL THAT GODDAM [Deep State] BULL!" Roseanne Barr screamed at a Trump rally in Hialeah.  Never mind the coke, I'll have what she's snorting.

Ding-ding-ding!  We have a winner!  Florida businessman Patrick Parker Walsh spent his $8 million in federal covid relief bucks on a spot called -- what else? -- Sweetheart Island.  Perhaps he will build a retreat there when he gets out of prison.

The Bipartisan Infrastructure Law requires that new cars have a switch to disable them if the car determines that the driver is "impaired" (shitfaced).  Fox News clown Jesse Watters sussed out what's really going on -- the Deep State will shut off your truck on election day so you can't vote for Trump.    Isn't it enough that Biden already controls the weather?

Jamie Comer of the House Overweight Oversight Committee went through Delaware phone records and sent a subpoena to everybody named Biden, as he desperately seeks something he can call an impeachable offense.  Then Jared Moskowitz (D-FL) suggested that Comer subpoena himself so he can explain some loans and land-swaps he did with his brother.  It was hilarious.

Could Mike Johnson please stop talking about the porn time he spends with his "son" and go back to talking about how much time his wife spends on her knees?  It was marginally less weird.

I won't wish anyone a "HAPPY VETERANS DAY!" -- that's best left to the draft-dodging grifter.  For the rest of us, I will quote the words of Laurence Binyon which always bring tears:

"They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old:  Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.  At the going down of the sun and in the morning, We will remember them."