Wind your neck in

 January Littlejohn sounds like a character in a Terry Pratchett novel but the reality is much less attractive.  She is a transphobic Florida activist who gets to sit with Melania von Schtupp at tonight's Joint Hate Rally.  Yes, it's a confirmed Mel sighting.  Grab your cameras before she goes to ground.

The Wall Street Journal editorial board is Susan Collins-level concerned about the little 650-point hiccup in the Dow yesterday after Grandpa Syphilis confirmed his vindictive tariffs on Canada and Mexico.  They worry that they may have triggered the old fool by using the word "dumbest" to describe his policy, but he says there's just "no room left" to negotiate.  Worse, Claudia Sheinbaum and Justin Trudeau refuse to come to the Oval Office for ritual abuse and accusations of ingratitude, while Marco Rubio tries to become one with a sofa.

Somewhere Rex Tillerson is congratulating himself that nobody remembers he was once part of this disaster.  And for the record, he was the first appointee to describe Trump as a "fucking moron."

Tillerson wouldn't be nearly enough of a hyena for the new bunch.  Bottle blonde No. 3, Pam Bondi, the actual attorney general of the fucking country, went on Hannity to boast of purging unreliable elements from the Justice Department and of personally climbing on a chair and taking down portraits of Joe Biden, Kamala Harris and Merrick Garland.  If she doesn't get an "attagirl" tonight she will publicly burn them while dancing around the flames.  Kristi Noem may bring her flamethrower.  The actual Secretary of Homeland Security is always up for an embarrassing stunt.  Last January she made a point of visiting a library shared by Vermont and Quebec and -- well, it was childish.  Also probably the only time she has set cloven hoof inside a library.

And on official Fox People's TV, Brooke Rollins, a brunette who had to settle for Secretary of Agriculture, solved the egg problem by advising people to keep chickens in the backyard.  If you don't have a yard because you live in an apartment or a nursing home or you worry about exposing your children to avian flu, too bad.  So much for eggs, what about the other items?  NBC News tracks the increases, while Target and Best Buy say it's a certainty that produce from Mexico, for example, will rise within a few days.  It's hard to make this look like a victory, or even sanity, so flying monkeys like Newt Gingrich and Larry Kudlow have been dispatched to gabble "Biden economy!  Biden recession!  Bidenbidenbiden TARRRIFFFFFFFFS!  Bad!  Bad Biden!"  But if the WSJ isn't impressed...

How else is the Ministry of Truth rewriting history?  Well, if you don't have a bronze coin issued to honor the law enforcement officers who tried to save the Capitol from the January 6 coup, it's too late.  The U.S. Mint is no longer allowed to sell it.  It's a replica of the gold coins presented to the officers; I assume they can expect a nocturnal visit from K$H Patel's "extra special" agents and a demand for their return.

"Fuck you @JDVance you shit eating grifter cunt" wrote Andy Aitcheson, a British veteran of Afghanistan, after Jady minimized British and French contributions to the US-led war.  Former MP Johnny Mercer was more moderate:  "Vance needs to wind his neck in.  Show a bit of respect and stop making yourself look so unpleasant."  Even Nigel Farage called him "wrong wrong wrong."  It's all part of the lie that the US was Ukraine's greatest supporter and the rest of Europe did nothing.  Winston Smith would be working overtime with this crew.  Keep talking, Jady, your boss's trip to Britain will be great TV.  Yuge ratings!  Many arrests!

Britain doesn't recognize "the right of the people peaceably to assemble" and neither does Grandpa Syphilis.  Now he's threatening to defund schools that allow "illegal [anti-Israel] protests" and to imprison or deport "agitators."  It's been a big day for dumb bullying:  Rick Scott called for AOC to be prosecuted for advising undocumented people of their rights:  "She violated the law.  Need to have equal protection and equal enforcement of the law.  I hope Tom Homan does his job and prosecutes her to the full extent of the law."  The Florida reptile thinks that if he says "law" often enough, people will forget about his company's 1997 prosecution for Medicare fraud.  She didn't violate the law -- you did, to the tune of $1.7 billion.  (That's just the fine, meaning he stole a lot more.)

As measles continues to spread in Texas, Roadkill Bob is on it.  Yesterday he announced that HHS's priority is "to end antisemitic harassment on college campuses."  Confused?  He calls it "a spiritual and moral malady that sickens societies and kills people with lethalities comparable to history's most deadly plagues."  Instead of rats and fleas, he blames "woke cancel culture" and identifies "speech freedom and open debate" as the cure.  Sure, why not?  And other forms of bigotry, like homophobia and racism?  Attacks on Muslims, Sikhs, Asians, drag artists?  What does Biff the Brainworm -- I mean the secretary -- think about those?  Is anyone home?

Maybe you thought you'd put all the ugliness aside this summer and head for one of Theodore Roosevelt's best ideas, the national forests.  If so, prepare for a lot of buzzsaws and the rumble of trucks.  Grandpa Syphilis made Sharpie on another executive order calling for the clear-cutting of 280 million acres of protected trees and endangered species in the name of "economic security."  Fortress America must not depend on imported timber!  "We have fallen heir to the most glorious heritage a people ever received," TR wrote when he established the US Forest Service in 1906, "and each one must do his part if we wish to show that the nation is worthy of its good fortune."  I guess it isn't.  "What will happen when our forests are gone, when the coal, the iron, the oil and the gas are exhausted, when the soils have been still further impoverished and washed into the streams, polluting the rivers, denuding the fields and obstructing navigation?"  Hang on, we're about to find out.  Drill, baby, drill.  

Coincidentally the Supreme Court chose today to further undermine the 1972 Clean Water Act.  It's a win for San Francisco, which can proceed to discharge untreated sewage into the Pacific.  But like the majority (Roberts, Alito, Thomas, Gorsuch and Kavanaugh), it's bad for the country and the planet.

To the handful of Congressional Democrats who have courageously announced their intention to boycott tonight's shitstravaganza, well done.  Those half-dozen empty places in a chamber seating four hundred will send an unmistakable message.  I would remind you, though, of how your South Korean counterparts responded when that country's president assumed dictatorial powers.

And how thousands of Israelis marched to protest their government's Gaza policy a year ago.

Do better.