Playing the classics

 

"Kids are eating and having full bellies so they can go learn, and women are making their own healthcare decisions.  And we're a top five business state, and we also rank in the top three of happiness....Democratic governors across the country executed those policies, and quality of life is higher, the economies are better, all of those things.  Educational attainment is better.  So yes, my kids are going to eat here, and you're going to have a chance to go to college, and you're going to have an opportunity to live where we're working on reducing carbon emissions.  Oh and by the way, you're going to have personal incomes that are higher, and you're going to have health insurance.  So if that's where they want to label me, I'm more than happy to take the label."

(Tim Walz, governor of Minnesota, questioned by Jake Tapper about the dreaded label "ultra-liberal")

Walz sounds more Minnesota State than Harvard but the message is the same:  Everything you like was done by liberals, usually dragging conservatives like an anchor.  I admit I was leaning toward Mark Kelly but Mehdi Hasan makes a good case for Walz to join Kamalot.  On CNN he asked Jake Tapper, "Have you ever seen [Trump] laugh?"  Tapper is still considering his answer.

On PBS, where the serious thinkers go because there are fewer commercials, James Carville warned that "savage attacks" of Kamala Harris are on the way.  Think of that.  "People want a different choice" than Trump and Biden, he went on, "and they got it."  Carville wears that Marines cap to keep his giant brain from getting overheated.  And now he can go back to the Dan Rather Home for the Irrelevant.  I think we already figured it out.

Officials at the Olympics are hoping that warmer temperatures and sunshine will reduce bacterial levels in the Seine to the point where athletes can swim in it without getting cholera.  Several days of rain washed a lot of sewage into the river.  I thought Paris was famous for its sewers, even offering tours to people who loved "Phantom of the Opera."  Isn't there a pool they can use?

Even the New York City Department of Sanitation can't resist piling on Vance.  He will never, ever get past this.  (Joke of the day:  His campaign song is "Sectional Healing.")

Kamala Harris continues to attract Republican endorsements.  Mayor John Giles of Mesa, Arizona, invoked John McCain's "country first" in an op ed for the Arizona Republic outlining his reasons, beginning with the Biden administration's infrastructure funding for the Phoenix-Mesa Airport.  Mayors are closer to the ground where people depend on government to conduct their daily lives.  I expect more of these.

Christopher Wray confirmed that Trump's ear was struck by a bullet, "whether whole or fragmented," but he took too long about it.  Trump is therefore circulating this conspiracy theory with a nonsensical allusion to Senator Howard Baker's famous Watergate question "What did the president know and when did he know it?"  Who "ordered" the assassination?  As I have suggested, it might have been Mark Robinson telling his audience, "Some folks need killing!"  

If Joe Biden wanted Trump dead, he'd be dead.  He commands the most accomplished snipers in the world.  A dozen spectators would still be taking penicillin after being splatttered with syphilitic brain matter.  There wouldn't be enough Trump to bury in the weeds next to a golf course.  Biden would never do anything remotely like this.  He would never avail himself of the "presidential immunity" dreamed up by the Sleazy Six, as they well knew before they dreamed it up.  Biden is a decent human being, which Trump, Putin, Xi, Netanyahu and Kim consider a sign of weakness.  Instead of being glad he's alive, Trump wants to believe he was the target of Dark Forces rather than a kid with a Lee Harvey Oswald obsession and his dad's rifle.   So he can sell more of these:

Imagine, it's already "iconic," a word that should be retired unless you're talking about Orthodox Christian religious imagery.  A camouflage hat to wear with your ghillie suit when you go Democrat-stalkin'.  Like baseball teams that change their uniforms every year so the fans will buy new merch, Trump is always finding fresh ways to separate the rubes from their beer money.  

The "Last Supper" parody at the Olympics opening ceremony has already been explained as a celebration of Dionysus, but Fox News didn't get the memo.  They dug up football player/evangelist Jack Brewer who actually saw "the president of the United States, the First Lady of the United States appeased [sic] to this satanic, demonic act."  Because Jill Biden called the ceremony "spectacular" while Joe wasn't even there but, you know, satanic and demonic.  Keep trying to claw back those viewers who prefer the red meat on Newsmax.

Elon Musk is a self-proclaimed hero of free speech.  I'm sure he'll be enraged when he learns that Xitter has suspended an account called White Dudes for Harris, which raised $4 million for the Harris campaign.  Musk himself is a Trumper who recently called Harris an "extinctionist" because she said she can understand why young people hesitate to start families.  No one could accuse Elon of that -- as Woody Allen used to say, he's densely populated (including a transgendered daughter, Vivian Wilson, whom he describes in apocalyptic terms).  Maybe if the White Dudes added some Nazi content -- he seems to like that.

Is the Republicans learning?  (Thanks, Dubya.)  It appears naah.  They've gone from "Laughing Kamala" to "Lyin' Kamala" to "I can't pronounce Kamala, hur hur" with no visible effect on her poll numbers or her fundraising.  John Neely Kennedy went on Fox and called her a "ding dong" until Neil Cavuto replied, "This ding dong, senator, has risen in the polls."  As a fake populist with an Oxford degree, Kennedy should be able to do better.  Like Botox victim Lara Trump, who called her a "designer trash bag."  I'm not sure this will have legs, either -- requires too much back-story about a $2,000 calfskin "trash pouch" that Balenciaga was selling a couple of years ago to Eurotrash (sorry, it was too easy).  Keep swinging, though, you're bound to connect eventually.

The Russian team is banned from the Olympics after repeated violations of anti-doping rules (fifteen Russians are competing as individuals).  I'm sure this has nothing to do with the arson and telecommunications sabotage Paris has experienced.  If an official falls off the Eiffel Tower I may have to revise my opinion.