Sominex Rex

 

Shhhh!  Grandpa's worn out by all the praise.  It was Klown Kabinet day in the ruins of the White House and Kristi Noem won the Palme d'Ordure when she gushed, "Sir, you made it through hurricane season without a hurricane.  Even you kept the hurricanes away.  We appreciate that."  Meanwhile Kim Jong-un stared at his television screen and made a note to hire new meteorologists. 

This will anger Marjorie Taylor Greene, who introduced the Clear Skies Act last July to prevent weather modification of this sort.  Perhaps she could add an exception for Divine Leader and his ability to drive away cyclones with his will.  Perhaps she already has.

Second prize goes to Little Marco for hailing the imminent end of Russia's invasion of Ukraine by the simple expedient of selling out a democratic ally.  Why didn't Joe Biden think of that?  Stupid Joe Biden.

Pete Hegseth wanted the other Klowns to know that he has heard of Errol Morris's documentary The Fog of War.  He fell asleep after five minutes because it was two men talking and had neither war nor fog, but the phrase stuck and he used it to explain/not explain why blowing up small boats and shooting the survivors is not a crime.  And if it is, then it was the work of Admiral Frank Bradley completely on his own.  But it isn't because there was a lot of "fire and smoke, you can't see, you got digital -- this is called the fog of war."  Sure, Pete, and Dog Day Afternoon is about the Westminster Kennel Club.

Eventually the chorus ran out of encomia and it was time for the star.  Trump has been ranting about "affordability" for weeks, as he does when introduced to a new word.  (Remember "groceries"?)  But repeating it isn't causing it to happen -- the price of milk is not like a tropical storm.  So now, he explained, "The word affordability is a con job by the Democrats.  The word affordability is a Democrat scam."  He ordered necessities like gas and bread to be affordable and they refused, so it's a scam.  No such thing.  Can't be done.

That was the recitative.  The aria was an attack on Somalis so unhinged that even the New York Times observed that "the outburst was shocking in its unapologetic bigotry," adding, "Vice President J.D. Vance banged the table in encouragement."  In case anyone thought that Trump's impending death and the succession of Hillbilly Hitler would bring even incremental change, they're two turds from the same septic tank.

Naturally his hatred of Ilhan Omar was a feature.  Her hijab seems to mock his grotesque head fungus.  And Broken Brain pivoted effortlessly to her state:  "I think that Walz is a grossly incompetent man.  There's something wrong with him.  There's something wrong with him.  And when you look at what he's done with Somalia which is barely a country, you know, they have no anything."  So you think Tim Walz rules Somalia?  Do go on.  "When I see someone like Ilhan Omar who I don't know at all but I always watch a few years have watched a complaint about our Constitution.  Now she's being treated badly, a constitution in the United States of America's a bad place.  He hates everybody, hates Jewish people, hates everybody."  He?  "But when I watch what is happening in Minnesota, the land of a thousand lakes or however many lakes they have and they got a lot of lakes..."  I'm sorry, this is not English.  My condolences to whoever transcribed it.  

Skipping a bit:  "Ilan Omar is garbage.  She's garbage.  Her friends are garbage.  These are people that work.  These are people that say, let's go, come on, let's make this place great.  These are people that do nothing but complain.  They complain.  And where they came from they got nothing.  You know they came from paradise, and they said, this isn't paradise.  But when they come from hell and they do nothing but complain and bitch, we don't want them in our country.  Let them go back to where they came from and fix it.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you."

I assume the entire Kabinet was on its feet shouting "Bravo!"  Do they know the cameras were rolling?  All this rage because Rahmanullah Lakanwal allegedly shot two National Guard members.  Does he think Afghanistan is in Africa?  Or perhaps Minnesota?

Luciano Paranoidsy warmed up for his broadcast matinee with an all-night session of projectile postings on his sad platform ("TRUTH SOCIAL IS THE BEST!  There is nothing even close!!!").  I'm told there were over 160, some quite brief ("Colorado, FREE TINA PETERS, NOW"), some reposts (Patrick Byrne claiming "Michelle Obama may have used Biden's autopen in the final days of his disastrous administration to pardon key [unspecified] individuals").  Wait till he finds out Eleanor Roosevelt used Franklin's autopen to declare war on Germany.  We had no quarrel with them, they were fighting the Commies!

Surprisingly, Karoline Leavitt actually had to defend her master:  "President Trump was listening attentively and running the entire three-hour marathon Kabinet meeting," she told the Daily Mail.  Ha!  Stupid liberals!  He was pretending to sleep and you fell for it.  Just as you assumed the MRI had something to do with his mental confusion and obvious deterioration.  It was a scan of his "organs" and guess what?  Absolutely normal, "his cardiovascular system shows excellent health."  So what's causing the swollen legs? no one asked.  

"I sit here, I do four news conferences a day, I ask questions from very intelligent lunatics, you people.  I always get, I give the right answers, there's never a scandal, there's never a problem, I give you answers that solve your little problems."  Oh.  So he hasn't heard about the new $310 million lawsuit alleging he ran a "trafficking venture" identical to his pal Jeffrey's, and accusing him of "grooming" the plaintiff and facilitating sexual assaults.  This is for Abby Phillip, who says she's "tired" of the Epstein case.  We don't want CNN anchors yawning with boredom.

In a related story, Democrats on the Oversight Committee are trying to rouse Phillip by releasing videos and photos from Epstein Island, of which this must be the most creepy:

Now spit.

Que lastima:  Jose "Joe" Ceballos was just re-elected as the Republican mayor of Clearwater, Kansas, and promptly indicted by attorney general Kris Kobach.  Turns out he's actually a citizen of Mexico.  He's charged with voting while unqualified and election perjury and faces up to 68 months in prison unless they just deport him first.  (Quotas!)  Ceballos has lived here since he was four years old.  

We'll trash your work and make you like it:  Sabrina Carpenter objected to the White House using her song "Juno" in a mass-deportation PSA, calling it "evil and disgusting."  Leavitt was busy Karo-lyin' about Dear Leader's MRI so her complaint was kicked back to something called Abigail Jackson:  "We won't apologize for deporting dangerous criminal illegal murderers, rapists, and pedophiles from our country.  Anyone who would defend these sick monsters must be stupid, or is it slow?"  Read it again, Abigail, she said nothing in defense of "sick monsters," she just wants you shits to stop stealing her legally protected music.  Also, look up "pedophile" before you use it again.  Sorry, you're not ready for the James Brady room yet.  Stick to the lounge.

Ben Shapiro was so enraged by Trump's pardon of Honduran narcopresidente Juan Orlando Hernandez that I checked to make sure it was the same Ben Shapiro, of Breitbart and Daily Wire fame.  He sees the hand of Roger Stone behind it.  More like the nose of Junior Trump.  Why do you think his daddy is unconcerned by cocaine traffickers but obsessed with fentanyl?  Coke's just a harmless if lucrative hobby.  Fentanyl kills a million Americans a year, according to his most recent whopper.

And Junior can afford even more of his favorite white powder now that his company, Vulcan Elements, managed to snag a $620 million loan from the Warfighting Department to increase the domestic supply of...magnets!  See what hard work will get you?

This Christmas why not give the gift of multicultural dissonance?  For $25 you can get Melania Trump's gripping memoir read by an AI version of her voice, in Spanish yet.  For seven hours.  In my experience AI betrays itself within five minutes by misplaced emphases and strange pronunciations but in this case, who could tell?   

If it's not the Muslims it's the Catholics, right?  In Dedham, Massachusetts, Father Stephen Jasoma has ruined Christmas for everybody with his left-wing agenda.  St. Susanna's Nativity scene is missing its Holy Family, replaced with a sign that says "ICE WAS HERE" and directs, "If you see ICE please call LUCE," a reference to LUCE Immigration Justice Network.  "It's religious art," said Father Jasoma.  "All art is supposed to move you," including the Catholic Action League, who call it "divisive."  Father Jasoma has decency and the pope on his side.  What does CAL have?

Used car dealer turned MAGA Senator Bernie Moreno has introduced a bill which would force Americans to renounce their dual citizenship or face deportation.  We may have to say goodbye to this woman and her laboratory construction.  I hope you speak Slovenian, "Barron."

One thing that still gets Dear Leader out of his coma is the Epstein Ballroom, which continues to metastasize where the East Wing and a lot of lawn used to be.  The thing is now projected to be twice the size of what's left of the White House with a capacity for 18,000 ballers (or a Republican national convention) and a bunker underneath, in case BLM protesters or children collecting for UNICEF penetrate the secure perimeter.  There's a plethora of "donors" but no banks, apparently because Jamie Dimon of J.P. Morgan Chase is afraid of being prosecuted for bribery one day.  The architect has quit but Trump has the artistic skills to design his own gold nightmare.  We've all seen his work on the Epstein birthday card.

Sometimes Marco's little face says it all.  He can't help it.