Sometimes referred to as panties

 

We the people continue to purchase customized transportation for the regime.  Now it's K$H Patel who needs a specially armored BMW to be "less conspicuous" as he accompanies his girlfriend to podcasts and PR events.  The existing FBI fleet simply won't do.  Yes, it's a German car but they're assembled in South Carolina so that's all right.

At last!  Not only do we not need to fear arrest for saying "Merry Christmas" but "you don't have to apologize for being white anymore."  J.D. Vance thrilled Turning Point USA with the good news on Sunday.  Think of the time we ofays will save!  For years I've been answering the phone "Hello, sorry to be Caucasian" in case it's someone from a call center in Bangalore who -- never mind, I may have said too much.  But wait, there's more:  Vance also broke the news that "Christianity is America's creed, the shared moral language from the Revolution to the Civil War and beyond."  (You remember the Civil War, when both sides quoted the Bible to oppose and defend slavery.  We were one nation then, albeit one where 700,000 had to die.)  Vance brought the little woman, who was clearly moved to be categorically excluded from her native country.

Charlie Kirk, may his memory be a dressing, was present in spirit and was also very clear that the man is the boss in a Christian marriage.  Up in heaven he must be wondering why Jade hasn't ordered Usha to leave her heathen ways and get with the program.  Just because the Hindu faith has been around twice as long as Christianity and has more deities than the Catholics have saints is no excuse.

Did you know that Bill O'Reilly's one-time gunsel Jesse Watters is (according to himself) a civilizing influence on Dear Leader?  During a conducted tour of the former White House they came upon the Gettysburg Address*, which Trump has looted from the National Archive along with the Declaration of Independence.  "Some people say my Twitter account is the modern-day equivalent of the Gettysburg Address," he explained modestly.  "I said, 'some people meaning you?'" Watters told TPUSA.  Further on they encountered a Monet painting that had belonged to Jacqueline Kennedy and Watters got the impression that Trump plans to steal that, too, because fouling her husband's name by adding his own to the Kennedy Center is not enough for this cave troll.  He claims to own Renoir's "Two Sisters (On the Terrace)" which hangs in the Art Institute of Chicago.  No wonder he hates the city.

Trump had no time for even a video appearance at the Phoenix hate convocation because he held one of his own Saturday in Rocky Mount, North Carolina.  Other than "everything is fine, prices are falling everywhere" he played the hits.  "I wouldn't want to go home to her," he said of Hillary Clinton.  "Remember, remember, she was a nasty person.  I was gonna use a B word, I said then my wife would not be happy."  He's still outraged because FBI agents executed a search warrant and found his stash of stolen classified documents in the crapper, but it's getting crazier.  Before they hit the jackpot they had a look in the wife wing:  "Her undergarments, sometimes referred to as panties, are folded perfectly, wrapped.  They're like so perfect I think she steams them."  They "went into my wife's closet" and "looked at her drawers."  She had to replace them after they were looked at by strangers.  She couldn't just tell Consuelo to re-steam them?

Not everyone in red America is saying "Merry Christmas."  In Lexington, Nebraska, the city's biggest employer Tyson meatpacking is closing its doors, leaving 3,200 people unemployed on January 20, exactly one year into the second coming of Trump.  Dawson County gave him nearly 75 percent of its votes.  Higher costs for producing beef are blamed.  Jim Beam in Clermont, Kentucky, plans to shut down for the entirety of 2026 because Trump's lunatic tariff war has led Canada to stop buying its products.  

Not the real murder tent but an exact replica:  TPUSA offered the chance to take a selfie in this copy of the tent at Utah Valley University.  Were there takers?  You don't have to ask.  Some wore a version of his shirt, too.  I am not making this up.  

If you tuned in to Sixty Minutes for the segment on the CECOT concentration camp in El Salvador, you haven't been paying attention.  News Fuhrer Bari Weiss made sure Dear Leader would not be forced to sue CBS News for another gajillion dollars by dumping it three hours before air.  Surprise.

Also MIA was the complete Epstein file, but we did get some nice snapshots of Bill Clinton.  Here he is at a Democratic fundraiser with two unidentified persons -- sharp-eyed readers spotted Michael Jackson and Diana Ross.  The faces of their children are redacted as if they were victims.  It's not quite the "Gotcha!" that Clinton haters think.  I for one am glad that Abigail Jackson (no relation) is an idiot.

In 1907-9 Theodore Roosevelt announced American power to the world by sending a "white fleet" of sixteen battleships on a global cruise.  But white is boring.  Trump is building a "Trump class" fleet of "golden battleships" (actually frigates) which will signify something.  Real gold!  Classy!  Steam powered!  He's fine, he identified a giraffe for the doctors last week.

*Readers of Garry Wills's Lincoln at Gettysburg will know that the speech exists in several versions, with the remarks he gave different from what was printed in newspapers.  All we know for sure is that Lincoln realized its importance and did not dash it off on the train as the legend says.