Weapons of mass distraction

 This is getting ridiculous.  After the promise of full disclosure in the Amelia Earhart case and the doubtless bombshell revelations in the Russian files on JFK -- finally we'll learn the name of the radio factory where Oswald worked! -- the FBI is investigating the fifty-year-old disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa.  All agents have been told to stop what they're doing and search their work stations and gym lockers for any documents that may have been overlooked or mislabeled "Judge Joseph Crater."  (There was no FBI when Ambrose Bierce vanished in 1913, so they probably have no information.)

They call it transparency.  You may call it RELEASE THE EPSTEIN FILE!  Tomato, tomahto.  

The British do this kind of flummery with more style.  As the public and the press clamor for the truth about Prince Andrew's relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, the king went to Rome to meet and pray publicly with Pope Leo, the first time this has happened since the reign of Henry VIII.  As an ecumenical gesture I'm sure it was important to some people.  When the pope visits Britain he can meet the first female Archbishop of Canterbury, Sarah Mullally, and explain why his church still has not even one female priest. 

Thailand and Cambodia have again settled a border dispute about temple access that has lasted for centuries, and Trump shoved his way in to preside over what he calls the "Kuala Lumpur Accords" and plug his Scottish golf course.  This is the twelfth war he has ended this week, Norway, hint hint.  Then it was off to Tokyo where Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi had to guide him through a reception as he wandered about in a daze.  I hope "Jasmine" posts video the next time he challenges her to an IQ test.

The real highlight for fans of the late Professor Irwin Corey was his speech to the crew of USS George Washington in Yokosuka.  They got quite a lesson in the uselessness of wet magnets, the superiority of steam catapults, the soon-to-be ubiquity of Toyota factories ("go out and buy a Toyota"), how the world respects us because if they don't "we'll crush them and sink them and wreck them and blast them into oblivion," the greatness of tariffs, the disappearance of inflation -- all the hits.  "No president that we know has ever ended any war" (sorry, TR and Wilson).  Facts -- who needs them?

Meanwhile, the other war he "ended" continues apace as Israel resumes or continues attacks on Gaza, always claiming that Hamas started it or returned the wrong hostage remains or something.  Does it really matter?

We haven't looked in on the DHHS lately because it's just too sad, but nothing has changed for the better.  Having convinced our slower citizens that a few children dead from pertussis and measles is better than vaccination, the first Cabinet member to acknowledge being part worm has turned to Making Animals Healthy Again by advising not to vaccinate them against rabies and other contagious diseases.  He has found a "holistic veterinarian" who links rabies shots to cancer and even autism because of course she does.  Bob and Biff have also instructed the CDC to investigate the supposed "harms" of offshore wind farms, not including spoiling the view from tacky golf courses.  And having spread lies about Tylenol to far-flung MAGA outposts, they can take credit for Ken Paxton (who could use a distraction from his juicy divorce case) suing Johnson & Johnson for failing to warn pregnant women about its supposed dangers.  

By the way, given his father's and uncle's obsession with Castro, isn't it ironic that Brainworm Bob resembles a fine Cuban cigar?  Skin cancer is good for you!

Trump's Border Patrol has certainly brought law and order to crime-ridden Chicago.  A 67-year-old white American citizen (it has to be specified) was driving home and found the street blocked as CBP traumatized the Old Irving Park area.  Our heroes ordered him out of the car and then dragged him out, knelt on his back, broke several ribs and caused internal bleeding.  They also scared hell out of a children's Halloween parade.

In Vietnam, one of the wars Trump didn't end because he wouldn't go near it, this was called "pacification."

Trump heard about the amounts being made by online books like DraftKings and FanDuel and knew he had to get in on it.  Behold, TruthSocial introduces a feature that will allow punters to bet on elections, the Federal Reserve rate, the price of crude oil and so much more!  What conflict of interest, you woke leftist?  Crypto only, no credit cards.  "I thought I was corrupt but I bow to the master." (Clarence Thomas) "Me, too." (Bob Menendez)

When Harry Truman left office in 1953, there were no pensions for presidents.  He and Bess bought a car and drove home to Missouri, stopping at diners and motels on the way.  I don't know why I thought of that.