So many questions

 

It's been over two weeks since Trump promised to release the classified file on the final flight of Amelia Earhart.  Where is it?  On Pam Bondi's desk?  In the downstairs loo at Lago de Merde?  Could he have confused her with Dale Earnhardt, and if so, why is his death at Daytona in 2001 under investigation?  I'm sensing a conspiracy by the deep state.

The Secretary of the Treasury didn't have a lot to say about the yo-yo activities of the Dow in response to the latest spasm of tariffmania, but that's because he's intent on finding out how exactly The Left killed Charlie Kirk and how it all connects to NO KINGS DAY.  He's compiling lists.  He's putting together networks.  He knows all about that $50 you contributed to the guy who was running against Rick Crawford in the Arkansas First, don't think he doesn't.  But then he let slip, "Just as after 9/11 and Osama Bin Laden, the ultimate culprit, was captured -- "  Whoa, there, captured?  Wasn't he killed by SEAL Team Six?  What do you know and when did you know it?  Where is he?  In the downstairs loo at Lago de Merde?  Did he escape and kill Charlie Kirk? Who is Tyler Robinson?

No one has disputed that Tsar of All the Borders Tom Homan was caught in an FBI sting last year accepting $50,000 in greenbacks to facilitate future government contracts.  So far, so MAGA.  There's tape.  So why is J.D. Vance out there pretending he never heard of Homan?  Asked by George Stephanopoulos if Homan still has the money, Mr. Butter-Wouldn't-Melt responded, "I am not even sure I understand the question.  Is it illegal to take a payment for doing services?...What I do know is that he didn't violate a crime."  (Exposure to Trump has tangled up his syntax.)  "Here's why fewer and fewer people watch your program," something about a "weird left-wing rabbit hole."  And finally, "fake scandal."  Never answering the yes-or-no question, does he have the money?  Or the implied question, what services did Homan perform for these fake businessmen?  Or my question, are these two agents currently assigned to the field office in Juneau?  Did Trump demand a cut of the $50,000?  So many questions, so much slippery sliminess.  Thanks for the update on Stephanopoulos's ratings, Sofa Man.

I was going to ask why Vance will continue to draw a government salary while traveling with the Turning Point USA recruitment tour, but it's obvious he has nothing better to do.

Everyone loves dogs.  Normal people, not Trump.  Nobody would begrudge an English Bulldog a sixth birthday party, with cake.  I guess I'm just wondering if it was a good idea for Jim Justice (R-WV) to hold Babydog's party in the Hart Senate Office Building as the government shutdown enters its third week.  Does Justice not have a house?  With a yard?  Because the Capitol Police are not getting paid everything they're owed.  At least send out some cake.  I don't think Justice or Babydog needs second helpings.

The name is questionable enough.  Do you have to dress him up, too?

There's a famous story about Walt Disney attending a screening of Fantasia and exclaiming about the Sixth Symphony segment, "Gee, this will make Beethoven!"  Uncle Walt's enthusiasm was surpassed today on the Benny Johnson Hour of White Power by Eric Trump as he plods along promoting his not-flying-off-the-shelves memoir Under Water Siege.  "We're saving Christianity!  We're saving God!  We're saving the family unit!" he told Bad Benny.  "DEI is out of the window.  You no longer have Colin Kaepernick kneeling for the national anthem.  You no longer have Budweiser going woke as hell.  All of this is dead.  We have a return to people going to church."  And Daddy was joking about not going to heaven -- of course he will.  Because God hates diversity, equity and inclusion and woke beer.  Drink a Bud, go to hell.  All of this is spelled out in the Bible.  My question:  WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?  Since Daddy is the chosen one, is Charlie Kirk John the Baptist?  Come on, Eric, you're the theologian.  Daddy abandoned his own TS platform to promote the book on Xitter, which still has readers:  "It's a phenomenal book, that's a must read for everyone -- Congratulations Eric, you deserve it!!!"  Three exclamation points, the closest thing to paternal love Eric will ever know.  (He hasn't read it.)

Now we're talking!  Anna Paulina Luna Livia Plurabelle Jingelheimerschmidt (R-FL) announced that Russian ambassador Alexander Darchiev will "hand deliver" to her a 350-page document containing Russia's research into the assassination of John F. Kennedy.  Anna Paulina, who chairs the Marvel Comics-sounding Task Force on the Declassification of Federal Secrets, decided she should thank Trump for this.  Finally a dividend for his faithful service to Russia.  

Speaking of the Blessed Kirk, a German national wrote, "When fascists die, democrats don't complain" on Xitter.  He and five other people had their visas revoked by Rubio.  Kirkolatry is now a requirement for entry into the United Staes.  Meanwhile the High Court of Australia upheld a lower court's ruling which denied a visa to Candace Owens just because she "made extremist and inflammatory comments towards Muslim, Black, Jewish and LGBTQIA+ communities which generate controversy and hatred," most recently by claiming that Kirk's "real" assassin was smuggled out of the country by Israel.  How long before Owens starts whining about Australia denying her free speech (and speaking fees)?

Greasy Pete was returning from a NATO meeting in Brussels when his plane made an emergency landing in the UK because of a crack in the windshield.  How did antifa manage that?

Highly poisonous "box fruits" are washing up on the beaches of Texas.  Looks like more antifa shenanigans.

Pam Bondi insists that antifa is "no different" from MS-13.  But what about the Black Hand, the Romulans and Murder, Inc?