Laughter, the best medicine

 

Sometimes there's nothing to do but laugh.

Via Energy Secretary Chris Wright, who by definition knows nothing about energy, Trump has given himself credit for work done in the 1980s at Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory by John Clarke, which led to Michel Devoret, John Martinis and Clarke receiving the Nobel Prize for physics in 2025.  "Trump 47 racks up his first Nobel Prize!!"  I'm not saying Wright, or any other member of the Cabinet of Crawlers, didn't say that -- I'm saying neither of them could tell the difference between quantum physics and a bucket of fresh elephant shit.

This will happen if you give a monkey a gold crown.

Retired police officer Larry Bushart spent five weeks in jail in Linden, Tennessee, for the crime of quoting Trump ("We have to get over it") during the paroxysm of MAGA grief that followed the death of the Blessed Martyr Kirk.  Trump was responding with his customary indifference to the Perry, Iowa, school shooting on January 7, 2024, in which no Christofascist bigots were harmed.  Bushart was accused of plotting an attack on the similarly named Perry County, Tennessee, high school because Vols don't read good.  His bail was set at several million dollars more than his pension would cover, but the charges were dropped and he's planning to sue.  

It's a shame that the Trump takeover of the Kennedy Center caused ticket sales to fall off a cliff because the schedule still contains a number of seriously woke performances that Ric Grenell was unable to prevent.  For example, Sasha Cooke and Myra Huang will present the song recital "Goin' Home," described as exploring "themes of identity, belonging and the search for home."  It includes the world premiere of the African American composer Jasmine Barnes's new song cycle.  Her music is very approachable and evocative, and Trump would hate it.  Here is "KINSFOLKNEM" recorded in Carnegie Hall.

"If you can actually cause suffering to an innocent animal, you're probably the kind of person who doesn't worry about suffering in people as well...if you mistreat dogs, that's a one hundred percent sign that you're gonna be a really terrible person."  Very well put, Mr. Vice President.  Yes, that was J.D. Vance on the New York Post podcast Pod Force One last Wednesday, going on to observe that serial killers like Jeffrey Dahmer began by being "really bad to animals."  No, the host did not ask him about Kristi Noem bragging in her book about shooting a 14-month-old puppy in the face (and also her "disgusting, musky, rancid" goat).*  Plenty of others did, of course.  And sure enough, she did turn out to be someone who doesn't worry about suffering in people.  She thrives on it.

For instance, J.B. Pritzker wrote to ask her for a small favor:  Could she please order her goons to stop terrorizing and teargassing the people of Chicago, particularly children, until after Halloween?  It's a matter of hours.  "No, we're going to be out on the streets in full force and increase our activities to make sure kids are safe.  Every day in Chicago we're arresting murderers, child pedophiles [sic], those who have perpetuated assault and pornography against children."  Damn right, all those "illegal aliens" might dress up as Spiderman or Elphaba and slip right past the ICEstapo.  Of course, if you're serious about protecting the vulnerable you could RELEASE THE EPSTEIN FILE.

Watch out, Canada, Alan Dershowitz is coming for you!  Grabbing the coattails of the regime's tariff war (how dare they quote Reagan verbatim!), the Dersh decided to pop into the headlines by declaring the Carney government "our enemy" because it has recognized a Palestinian State (as have 156 other countries including our new client state Argentina) and "not doing enough to combat antisemitism."  We all could do more, but Dersh was not specific.  He was especially angry because Carney has promised to hand Netanyahu over to the International Criminal Court if he enters Canada.  I thought lawyers were all in for the rule of law.  Summer is over and Dersh can't get attention for suing the pierogi vendor on Martha's Vineyard, so it was this or start hanging around the bus station telling strangers, "Did you know I was one of O.J.'s lawyers?"  

The winner of today's MAGA Mad Libs contest is William Wolfe of the Center for Baptist Leadership with the entry "dystopian gay race communist security state."  That's what he predicts if "the left" is not annihilated.  I'm assuming Jesus will also refuse to come back.  

"I'm gonna burn down the White House.  I'm gonna choke out every ICE member I see.  Kill them all!"  Was that one of those violent leftists who force Trump officials to live rent-free in military housing?  Of course not.  That was Trump supporter Tristen Giroux of Jacksonville driven to distraction by one of those automated phone trees, this one at the US Citizenship and Immigration Services.  Unable to get a human to pick up the phone, he called the electronic voice a "dumb cunt bitch" and then left the recorded threat message that has him facing five years in prison.  Giroux just wanted to know why it's taking so long to get a visa for his fiancee in Colombia.  Anyone who has tried to talk to the IRS or cancel a cable channel or make a doctor appointment in the last ten years can sympathize.  That Giroux is a MAGA snarled in the immigration system is what makes it funny.  

Heading for Florida to spend the weekend at Disney World?  Maybe not.  Staffing shortages at several airports including Orlando International, JFK and Reagan National have led to ground stops (delayed or cancelled flights).  ATCs aren't being paid but at least they're eating -- American, JetBlue, Delta and United are among the airlines providing them with meals, while Second Harvest Heartland is distributing emergency food boxes at Minneapolis-St. Paul airport.  Don't even think of applying for SNAP -- it has replaced trans people as the favorite whipping boy of the fascists.

The One Million Moms are always good for a giggle.  Now they're mad at Wheel of Fortune because of the "insinuated profanity" of its new category "What the Fun."  It aims at what they call "a mature modern audience" because of its implied "f-word."  Parents must now explain that it's no longer "a clean show."  And the letter turning woman is often dressed provocatively.  That's not the Moms (who probably number about 300), that's me.  I didn't know where to look the other night.  I couldn't wait for Jeopardy! and that nice Mr. Jennings.  He's LDS, you know.  Alex's mustache often gave me sinful thoughts.

Biff the Brainworm and his host Bob Kennedy announced that despite a "causative" relationship, they do not have "sufficient evidence" to say Tylenol causes autism.  Good news for Johnson & Johnson but not so good for Texas AG Ken Paxton, who's suing them.  

Speaking of White House improvements, check out the new en suite bathroom of the Lincoln Bedroom:

If there's anything classier than gold it's marble, huh?  How about that bathrobe hanging against the wall in an inviting manner?  Could be the Fontainebleau or the Bellagio or any other high-price Vegas hotel.  But where's the Lago de Merde-style chandelier?  (For Trump and others who don't know history, Lincoln used the room as a study but didn't sleep there.  It became a bedroom for distinguished guests long afterward.)

Also speaking of White House improvements, the hasty destruction of the East Wing could be a bonanza for those mesothelioma lawyers who advertise their services on local television.  Public health experts warn that it may have resulted in a plume of asbestos release which can cause lung cancer, asbestosis and other diseases in workers and pedestrians.  The whole place was rebuilt between 1948 and 1952 when asbestos was still regularly used as a fire retardant.  It's not dangerous until the building is breached, like the Trump Taj Mahal Casino and Money-laundering Center in Atlantic City.  Experts had to be hired at public expense to strip out the asbestos after the place was abandoned and before it could be demolished in 2021.

Is your pumpkin patch sincere?  You'll find out tonight.

*Everyone thinks of Cricket the puppy and no one remembers the goat.  Well, I remember.  I'm pretty musky and rancid myself.