It's not so good to be the king
I have never been to Las Vegas, nor have I played blackjack, so I couldn't tell you how much skill is involved, but I find it impressive that J.B. Pritzker won $1.4 million playing at a casino last year. Not just because he paid the tax on it this year, or because he says he'll give it to charity -- he's an heir to the Hyatt Hotel chain and worth billions -- but because it must be giving Trump the green shits. Pritz beat the house. Trump couldn't make money with casinos when he was the house. Giving money away is not part of the Trump DNA, even after promising to do so. The governor won't even mind the "whale" jokes.
A week ago The Leader lost the Nobel Prize he campaigned so hard for, after failing to notice that no one ever campaigned for it before, especially the winners. To rub in salt, the chair of the committee said, "We only give the award to people of courage and integrity." Not pedophiles or rapists, he didn't need to add.
Or those who randomly blow up boats which could be as stuffed with cocaine as Junior's nose or just full of frightened fishermen venturing out to pursue their trade. We'll never know if Trump's assertions about "trafficking narcotics" are true because there's nothing left to examine. In the absence of a declaration of war with Venezuela it's plain murder, and at least one commander has had enough. Admiral Alvin Holsey, head of US Southern Command, is quitting after 37 years in the Navy. No official reason was given but it's said that he's through with "just following orders" he finds indefensible. Last week Air Force General Thomas Bussiere resigned. There will be nothing left but lickspittles after this slow-motion purge.
Yesterday Brown University president Christina H. Paxson joined MIT, Penn and USC in rejecting the "Compact" which would require "the forfeiture of academic freedom," in her words. Trump is now 0 for 4. It's not too late for Columbia to change its mind and join the good guys, President Shipman.
These Epstein distractions are becoming laughable. Now Trump wants to celebrate his many glorious achievements -- I mean the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence -- by building an Arc de Triomphe knockoff that will ruin the view of the Lincoln Memorial. That Bastille Day he spent in Paris must have impressed the hell out of him. His will naturally feature a giant gold statue of "Lady Liberty" ("Did you ever hear of Lady Liberty?"). Here he is, showing a roomful of rich "donors" the model they made for him to play with. Next: A Pont Neuf across the Potomac. I'm not joking, read the article. Trump still itches to honor his favorite insurrectionist Robert E. Lee.
Speaking of Epstein, something is afoot. Prince Andrew -- I guess he's just Mr. Windsor-Mountbatten now -- had a chat with his big brother and agreed to relinquish the title Duke of York. There is speculation that something is about to break, no matter how strenuously Mike Johnson and the other pedophile enablers try to prevent it. We may be independent but thanks to Epstein the phrase "special relationship" has taken on a new meaning.
Another loss for Trump's hand-picked, lightly pickled US attorney Jeanine Pirro when a jury acquitted Sydney Reid of the crime of filming an ICEstapo raid. Three grand juries refused to indict so Pirro charged a misdemeanor, then tried to exclude evidence damaging to the government's main witness. Calling the defendant a "libtard" still didn't convince them. Next time your case is shit, ask for a change of venue to Texas or Pyongyang.
Today's MAGA Mad Libs winner is almost-UN ambassador Elise Stefanik, who watched the mayoral debate last night and pronounced Zohran Mamdani a "jihadist communist." The judges also considered "woke Marxist" and "radical left Taliban." In the latest poll, New Yorkers preferred "mayor."
Greg Abbott is panicking ahead of the NO KINGS event scheduled for Austin and has sent for the Texas National Guard to come protect him from possible clarinet players and dads with strollers. He caught hell from Greasy Pete after dispatching these guys to invade Chicago...
Secretary Brainworm was in rare form yesterday even for him. Having solved the Tylenol/autism problem to his own satisfaction he turned to the crisis of fertility. You hadn't heard? Teenage boys have lower sperm counts than men in their sixties, girls are reaching menarche six years too early (at seven?) and it's just madness -- a "national security threat" which only Trump is addressing. We're running out of white people, people! "Our parents aren't having children." I'd appreciate hearing from anyone who knows what that means. Rather than addressing our alleged population collapse like Russia, by kidnapping children from other countries, he wants American women to breed more. It's funny how dictatorships always do. Should they be derelict in their duty, the State Department is changing the refugee system to attract more white South Africans, English speakers and Europeans who hate immigration. So if you see Boris Johnson at the petrol forecourt, try not to reverse over him. (I wonder how much English the Rubio family spoke when they arrived here. I wonder how much Friedrich Drumpf spoke.)
Anybody interested in a book depository-worth of Trump Bibles? The new Oklahoma school superintendent Lindel Fields is dropping the Bible lesson mandate instituted by Ryan Walters after a court said he had to. Fields probably won't be watching porn in his office, either.
See you at the barricades -- and don't forget your Official Soros Umbrella!
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