Enemies foreign and domestic
In November 1963, when every other opinion writer in America was trying to find something fresh to say about John F. Kennedy, Jimmy Breslin went to Arlington National Cemetery to interview Clifton Pollard, the man who was digging his grave. "It's an Honor" became his most famous and frequently anthologized column, still taught in journalism classes.
Last March NPR reported that the names of black, Hispanic and female veterans buried in Arlington had been scrubbed from the cemetery's website on orders from Pete Hegseth and his master, part of their plot to abolish an inconvenient chunk of American history. I thought that was the end of the obscene and petty barbarism but now I'm not so sure. How long before the veterans themselves are evicted, their bodies burned or dumped in mass graves, their markers pulverized for golf course refurbishment? That's the final destination of the East Wing. Follow the backhoes.
It's been a hard day's night...
How can that be when his most recent MRI was "perfect," his favorite lie? ("It was a perfect phone call," etc.) The magnetic resonance imaging scan is not part of a normal physical unless the patient displays other symptoms, such as sudden rages, dozing off, memory lapses or thanking himself in the third person. Like all his other health information, the truth has been concealed. Another old joke: "They X-rayed my head but they didn't find anything."
You make the call. Not content with controlling the news, he wants to outlaw ads that relay his dismal poll numbers. Advertising! Capitalism at its finest.
FAKE! Not like most ads. You know you're watching too much television when you start to believe the commercials.
Early voting has begun in New York and Mamdani Derangement Syndrome has 911 calls burning up the circuits. Putting on his serious glasses, Squeaker Mike warned that Zohran Mamdani's election is "ending what has always been known as the Democratic Party in America." Always? The party of Jim Crow and fat Mississippi sheriffs? Because that ended some time ago. The Democratic Party has shown itself capable of real change, if often incrementally, while the Republicans have gone from Nazi-curious in the 1930s to unashamed Schutzstaffel today. Thank you for your concern, Mr. Squeaker.
Let Herr Pigpen take it from there. Steve Bannon says Mamdani is "a Ugandan citizen, Ugandan citizen" -- I didn't stammer, he did --
whose "citizenship is totally illegal" and has "got to be denaturalized" (?) and "sent out of the country." It's going to be hard to run New York City from Entebbe, but stranger things have happened. Adam Clayton Powell represented Harlem for years without setting foot in Washington because of a 1963 slander judgment he refused to pay -- that should ring a bell with Contempt-of-Congress Steve. Andrew Cuomo promises to move to Florida if Mamdani wins, and the record number of early votes suggests that most New Yorkers will help him pack. I hope he plans to fly because Ron DeSantis -- remember Bootsie? -- wants to build a wall on I-95 to block New Yorkers fleeing Sharia law in the city. This could actually help control the traffic in guns from Florida to the civilized states.
The real problem with early (or mail) voting is that it makes ICEstapo intimidation more difficult, which doesn't mean they don't have plans. Thugs Monitors are already heading for California and New Jersey and the cult is being pre-enraged about "rigged and stolen." You're probably as sick of him as I am but I had to include this rant:
He stopped trying to hide his racism long ago -- "NBA players cheating at cards, and probably much else" (he means people who look like you, Candace, Byron, Harris, Tim), and the unimprovable "Look what happened to our Country when a Crooked Moron became our 'President!'" Crooked moron it is, thank you. "GET SMART REPUBLICANS" -- good luck with that.
How about dumb Republicans? Our friend Anna Paulina Luna Livia Plurabelle Jingelheimerschmidt has been adopted by Russian envoy Kiril Dmitriev and all it cost him was some flowers. And maybe a Russian passport?
And he delivered them himself -- what a gent. She's a co-sponsor of the "Ukraine Fatigue Resolution" -- she's tired and bored by all the financial and military support to Ukraine when there are arches to be built right here. If he moves to the right part of Florida, Cuomo might be lucky enough to have Anyuchka represent him in Congress.
The ICEstapo are switching license plates in defiance of Illinois law and the secretary of state had to tell them to cease and desist. Locking up a few of these bastards would send a message that might even drag Krusty Noem away from her afternoon delight with Corey. Meanwhile British journalist Sami Hamdi is in ICE jail for the crime of criticizing Israel during a tour of the US. He should know that Americans are barely allowed to do that.
The Charlie Kirk Data Foundation and other efforts to avenge the Christofascist martyr have quietly abated, with the Foundation's website going dormant. Doxxing is hard work and attention spans are short. I haven't even read of a street, bridge or rendering plant being named in his honor for weeks.
Nepo billionaire Timothy Mellon loves the troops, so he donated $130 million to pay them as the Trump shutdown reaches its 27th day. Jeff Tiedrich did the math and worked out that this comes to $100 for each of the approximately 1,300,000 service members on active duty. In other words, lunch for a week if they're frugal, soup kitchens and food banks for their families, many of whom rely on SNAP in "normal" times. If they're lucky enough to live in the DC area, Jose Andres's World Central Kitchen just arrived to begin cooking for "furloughed" federal workers. America -- give everybody eat!
Back tomorrow with more of the Crooked Moron and his glorious Bowelroom.
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