Lethal precision

 When we left Jeanine Pirro she was complaining about the "politicized" grand jurors who refused to rubberstamp any of her revenge indictments of people who stood up to the occupiers of the District of Columbia.  Yesterday Magistrate Judge Zia M. Faruqui had had enough, accusing her and the Bondi Department of creating a "Constitutional crisis" and wasting everyone's time, overcharging felonies while people sat in jail, only to have the top charges dismissed and others rejected by the grand jurors.  But it looked so easy on Law & Order!

Meanwhile, this startling post appeared on Xitter:

Operation Epstein Distraction has now taken to interdicting Haitians in the territorial waters of either Haiti or Cuba and escorting them home "with swift, lethal precision," whatever that means, to ensure the border security of...someone.  Very enlightening, if a little out of the US Coast Guard's usual bailiwick.  Still, it could have been worse.  Six years after the event, the New York Times brought us the merry adventures of SEAL Team 6.  Early in 2019 the boys rowed ashore in North Korea to plant an electronic listening device that would gather information ahead of nuclear talks between Trump and Kim.  Just then a boat appeared and the SEALs opened fire, killing all the North Korean shellfish divers on board.  No listening device, and North Korea is continuing with its nuclear and missile development programs.

Venezuela also has an air force and flew a couple of F-16 fighters (probably bought from us) over the USS Jason Dunham as "a show of force," but nobody was killed.  Never mind, the Department of Defense will soon re-brand itself the Department of War, which Politico estimates will cost billions to change plaques, stationery, emblems, and Piss-Drunk Pete's tattoos.  And then just watch out, Greenland!

Puerto Rico is still struggling to recover from two hurricanes, but it's been press-ganged into Operation Epstein Distraction:  Trump sent ten F-35 fighter jets to the island in case those Venezuelans try something hostile like defending their own country.  The electrical grid may be hit-or-miss, but at least they have those cool stealth fighters that nobody can see.  Ka-boom!

"The NRA supports the Second Amendment rights of all law-abiding Americans to purchase, possess and use firearms.  NRA does not, and will not, support any policy proposals that implement sweeping gun bans that arbitrarily strip law-abiding citizens of their Second Amendment rights without due process."  Including the transgendered, Democrats, and transgendered Democrats.  Told you.  (Sorry, kids.)

Biff the Brainworm and his host Robert Kennedy have solved the puzzle of autism.  It's not caused by vaccines after all (and don't you feel silly, Florida?) but Tylenol taken by pregnant women.  But folic acid can counteract its effects, or so says the HHS report.  Shares in Kenvue, the manufacturer of Tylenol, are dropping fast, so call your broker!  The Kenvue CEO probably wishes he had abased himself the way Albert Bourla did, writing that Operation Warp Speed (which resulted in Bourla's company Pfizer developing the first covid vaccine) should earn Dear Leader that Nobel Prize he'd give both swollen legs for.  Not the scientists who did the work?  

The August jobs report is finally out and it looks like they need another statistician.  A disappointing gain of 22,000, highest unemployment level since 2021.  White House economics big brain Kevin Hassett was on Fox News tap-dancing like Ann Miller:  "The BLS is struggling with bad response rates...we expect it to be revised up...lots of jobs went to 'native-born workers'...capital spending is up...a lot of interesting and positive patterns...don't send me back to the American Enterprise Institute, their cafeteria never has cheese curds..."

Trump continues to demand that the Bondi Department shut down its investigation of the "Democrat HOAX" and they're doing their best.  Acting Deputy Chief Joseph Schnitt couldn't believe his luck when a woman on the dating app Hinge agreed to go out with him.  Little did he know she was undercover for O'Keefe Media Group.  She got video of Schnitt saying they would "redact every Republican or conservative person in those files, leave all the liberal, Democratic people in those files, have a very slanted version of it come out."  What's more, "they're offering [Ghislaine Maxwell] something to keep her mouth shut."  Yes, that's O'Keefe as in James O'Keefe, the far-right prankster of Project Veritas who used similar tactics against Planned Parenthood and ACORN (RIP).  Hassett should lend his tap shoes to Schnitt.

"I don't like to see a communist become mayor, I will tell you that," Dear Leader informed reporters yesterday, referring to New York of course.  He continues to interfere behind the scenes, tempting Eric Adams with an ambassadorship in Saudi Arabia and Curtis Sliwa with -- who knows, maybe a nice new red hat.  So far he has not responded to Zohran Mamdani's invitation to debate him in each of the five boroughs, as if Trump could stand up long enough for one debate.  And Trump, who fundraises because the rain kept him from golfing, will be shocked to read hear that Mamdani has asked supporters to stop sending him money.  "We've raised the maximum amount of money we can spend in this race," he wrote on social media ($7.93 million).  He has asked people to donate their time as canvassers and phone bankers instead.  Communist.

King Canute ordered the waves to retreat, and King Cannot will conquer the wind!