Keeping it surreal

 "This appears to be yet another targeted attack on Christians in the United States of America," Trump wrote almost immediately after four people were killed and eight wounded at a Mormon church in Grand Blanc, Michigan, yesterday.  Of course it was nothing of the kind.  Thomas Jacob Sanford, "Jake" to his limited circle of friends, was MAGA down to his foot fungus.  Before long Lyin' Karoline was walking it back:  he "hated people of the Mormon faith."  Pay no attention to the Trump sign on his fence.

Are you ready for another one?  "Foreign Leaders, and everyone else, 'freak out' when they see the quality and beauty.  Best Oval Office ever, in terms of success and look!!!"  That's Grandpa Syphilis sharing video of the "highest quality 24 Karat Gold" he has used to make the Cabinet Room and Oval Office resemble Mae West's dressing room.  I suspect the expression on the face of the visiting Foreign Leader might well be described as freaking out, especially if he or she has been there before.  I'm sure they do their best to hide their true feelings, especially in view of Trump canceling the visa of President Gustavo Petro of Colombia.  Petro went to a rally protesting the genocide in Gaza and said, "I ask all the soldiers of the United States army, don't point your rifles against humanity," which is a little odd since no American troops are in Gaza yet.  

President Petro may have become concerned about the big, beautiful brasshat conference called by Warfightin' Pete for all the admirals and generals tomorrow.  Given the US aggression toward Mexico and Venezuela and the demands that Brazil stop persecuting convicted felon Bolsonaro, Petro was probably right to worry that Colombia might be next.  As soon as Trump heard about it (Hegseth doesn't always cc him), he decided to treat these career military people to his presence and almost certainly another UN-grade speech.  My sympathies, gentlemen (I'm guessing all the ladies are gone). "It's really just a very nice meeting talking about how well we're doing militarily, talking about being in great shape...we have some great people coming in and it's just an 'esprit de corps.'  You know the expression 'esprit de corps'?  That's all it's about..."  He doesn't have the faintest idea what it's about.  As with the pre-Iran attack chat, Hegseth may have summoned a lot of these people by accident.

Trump's tariff offensive has succeeded beyond expectations in pouring almost $1.5 billion a year into the economy -- of Australia.  That represents the amount of beef China now imports from Australia instead of the US.  It doesn't explain why beef is so expensive here, but this might:  China has also stopped buying American soybeans, and many farmers raise both.  As a farmer in Illinois told Fox News (!), they need bailing out and the money will have to come from tariffs.  Just to rub it in, our new BFF Argentina is showing its gratitude for the $20 billion contribution to their economy by selling discounted soybeans to China.  

In addition, there will be a hundred percent tariff on pharmaceuticals, which is going to make it harder to reduce prices by a thousand percent or whatever it is this morning; a hundred percent tariff on foreign movies, which by definition are made elsewhere; and tariffs on furniture and trucks.  So there will be plenty of money to keep Americans farmers and ranchers afloat for another year, unless there isn't.  Economics -- it's not so hard.  Now all the farmers need is people to do the work.

Grandpa found this QAnon whimsy on his Xitter feed and couldn't wait to share it as if it were real.  Yes, the Medbed can cure absolutely everything and re-grow missing limbs.  It has kept John F. Kennedy alive and well since 1963, and he's in super shape now for a man of 108.  If it sounds like magic, that's because it's bullshit, the kind of thing you'd have to be stupid, senile or both to take seriously.  Everyone who's still in this country on January 1 -- Day Two, presumably -- gets a MedBed card!  Do you want to live forever in a future where Trump lives forever?  I just want to live long enough to see the Newsom parody.

MAGA needs a MedBed because the woke leftist NFL announced that Bad Bunny will be the star of this year's Superbowl half time show.  Mr. Bunny (real name Benito Antonio Martinez Ocasio) is a rapper whose videos are viewed in the billions on YouTube.  He is also a proud Trump-hater who won't tour here because he fears the ICEstapo will use his shows to entrap fans of the Latino persuasion.  "This isn't about music," huffs one patriot, "it's about putting a guy onstage who hates Trump and MAGA."  Fuck yeah!  Watch Trump demand the game be cancelled and this guy deported -- to Puerto Rico.

The (expensive) presence of Trump and the saturation of Trumpian venom into everything meant that this year's Ryder Cup was a shameful and ugly spectacle more appropriate to the pro wrestling he loves.  European players had to listen to loud abuse even from Heather McMahan, the MC, who decided that leading a chant of "Fuck Rory!" was part of her job.  Drinks were consumed as well as hurled and even the Americans' caddies got in on the fun.  When Rory McIlroy led the Europeans to victory Trump fled rather than present the trophy, not unlike an earlier fascist leader refusing to shake hands with Jesse Owens.  

He vented some of his rage (not a good night to be a White House cleaner) by re-posting the vilest crap he could find about the "great replacement theory," including a video of the Blessed Martyr Kirk opining that "the women of the West have abortions, the women of Muslims [sic] they have entire communities they can fill.  When you import one you get thirty ten years later."  Three babies a year -- that's awesome.  Although we no longer "import" people -- the slave trade ended two centuries ago.  The term we use now is "trafficking," as in...