Distractions, Inc.

 1.  She's living on an island (not Epstein's).


2.  Sir!  Sir!  You didn't specify which Portland.


3.  The truth is up there:  "The US Air Force is investigating an 'incident' involving a military aircraft from Creech Air Force Base near Area 51, north of Las Vegas." (Independent)

4.  Assassination by escalator (this goes all the way to the top)!

5.  Who you gonna blame?  Ghost buses.

6.  WAR WITH VENEZUELA!

7.  WAR WITH COLOMBIA!

8.  WAR WITH DEMOCRATS!

9.  Understaffed NOAA, incompetently run FEMA and one of these:









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