All he needs is love

With Labor Day nearly coinciding with the twentieth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, we are reminded that the National Guard -- James Madison's "well ordered Militia" -- has been used for many purposes from strike breaking to disaster rescue.  To my knowledge it has never before been deployed for gardening.  Yesterday in Lafayette Park uniformed Guardsmen could be found spreading mulch and planting grass, jobs normally performed by the pre-DOGE National Park Service.  When there's no more litter to collect and no crime to stop, what better way to spend a late-summer Sunday?  (Under a legal loophole the Guard are on multiple 29-day orders so they don't get paid the Basic Allowance for Housing Type 1.  Take care of the pennies and the billionaires will take care of themselves.)

From the nearby presidential palace the sound of the Beatles' "All You Need is Love" was distinctly heard at high volume such as a defiant teenager would use.  Rumors circulated through the murky right wing of social media that The Leader was dead, the kind of thing that would dial up their screams to eleven if a "radicaleft woke liberal" suggested it.  Another rumor greatly exaggerated, apparently.  The appearance of Magical Mystery Tour in the rotation was weird enough, the choice of song somewhat creepy.  What's wrong with "The Fool on the Hill"?

Today is also the 86th anniversary of the German invasion of Poland which started the war in Europe.  Reuters reports that seven US warships, including a nuclear fast-attack sub, are steaming toward the Caribbean with 4,500 sailors and Marines.  Probably just a coincidence.  You can't "combat drug cartels in Venezuela" without at least one nuclear sub, right?  More important, you can't distract from the press conference scheduled for Wednesday, when Congressmen Ro Khanna (D-CA) and Thomas Massie (R-KY) promise to present ten victims of Jeffrey Epstein on the steps of the Capitol to push for the Bondi Department to release the files.

"Trump has no public events scheduled all weekend," wrote pool reporter Laura Rozen, while Brittany Gibson kept the journalists up to date on the "Rose Garden" boom box.  Perhaps the music was being used to soothe the savage clown, who was having a fit because someone left a "deep and nasty" gash in the limestone paving of his shitty new patio.  Add another subcontractor to the long list awaiting payment.  This one will probably be deported to Uganda.  The Leader's grease-clogged heart won't take many more of these tantrums, so they bundled him off to the golf course with "nice guy and true character" Jon Gruden.  Gruden was head coach of the Las Vegas Raiders until ten years' worth of racist, homophobic and misogynistic emails came to light and he "resigned."  That and a 22-31 record.  Anyway the two notorious bigots had a fine round and Trump came home refreshed, ready to post a racist, misogynistic attack on Donna Brazile.

Speaking of losers, Jeanine Pirro went home to Fox News to blame her 0-3 record of post-occupation indictments on "ignorant elites" who live in low-crime areas like Georgetown and fail to appreciate The Leader's miracle.  If they were really elites, they'd find a way to skip jury duty.  Maybe they're better educated than most and unimpressed with the cases she presents.  Pirro bragged of the 156 guns seized but failed to mention the Subway sandwich.  

Leopards unexpectedly ate the face of a Missouri Trump voter named James Brown last week.  His wife Donna Hughes-Brown, a legal permanent resident from the UK for thirty years, was arrested at the airport for some minor infraction and is currently in an ICEstapo facility in Kentucky.  Mr. Brown regrets his vote.  "What's bad is that Trump is so demeaning to people, and he's so condescending and so retaliatory that people are afraid to say anything."  Your courage is an example to us all.

For Candace Owens it was more of a FAFO experience.  Owens thought she could say anything she wanted, no matter how insane, about Brigitte and Emmanuel Macron, just as she always got away with demented slanders of Joe Biden, Barack Obama, etc.  Au contraire -- the Macrons sued her for accusing them of engaging in a "criminal conspiracy" to hide the fact that Mme. Macron is transgender, or as Owens says, "a man."  Now she is looking at staggering legal bills and she needs help -- big help.  "The job of the federal government is to defend us from foreign invaders, and I would pretty much say that Emmanuel Macron right now is being a foreign invader."  Yet Trump and Vance are silent.  Owens's father-in-law is a British metals trader named Michael Farmer, said to be worth about 150 million quid, but he doesn't seem to be stepping up either.  MAGAs like Owens are physically incapable of saying "I lied."

Our next exhibit, Kremlin-sponsored podcaster Benny Johnson, was given an opportunity at one of Karoline Leavitt's "briefings" to describe the terror that was Washington before Trump's cavalry rode to the rescue.  The camera outside his house recorded multiple murders and the house itself was set afire by arsonists.  Which is puzzling because there is no evidence of arson, and police records show that there has not been a murder on the block since 2017 (Benny moved out in 2021).  Maybe he was thinking of some other place he lived.  Moscow?

As only he can, Trump has solved the problem of homelessness.  These are all people who were released from "insane asylums" like the ones he remembers fondly.  "But we had, they were all over New York.  I remember when I was growing up, Creedmoor.  They had a place, Creedmoor, they had a lot of them, Bellevue, and they were closed by a certain governor.  And I remember when they did it, it was a long time ago, and I said they didn't release these people?  And they did."  For his information, Creedmoor Psychiatric Center is still very much in existence in Queens Village, New York, where it treats 325 residents and 1,600 outpatients.  Bellevue is of course still on First Avenue in Manhattan and treats all kinds of patients.  Neither of them, or any other hospital, is suitable for housing homeless people, and in any case homelessness is caused by covetous landlords like Trump, and by stagnant wages and the deliberate destruction of social support for the unemployed, not mental illness.  Thank you for your completely useless attention to this matter.

Grrrr!  The Dictators Club is holding a cookout in Shanghai and they did not invite Donnie!  Just like all those birthday parties he never got invited to.  Xi Jinping asked Narendra Modi and Vladimir Putin and they held hands and whispered and giggled about Trump, you could tell.  He could tell.  He's livid!

Simple facts to ponder indeed!  Just you wait, there will be such Tariffs, you won't believe the Tariffs!

If Trump wrote one of his holiday greetings to all us radical left scum who celebrate Labor Day, I didn't see it.  Let's finish with this version from our real daddy, Gavin Newsom: