Where irony goes to die

 "It's so lazy to just constantly make fun of women for how they look.  It's only the liberals and the extreme left who do that."  (Kristi Noem)

Rosie O'Donnell, Alicia Machado and several hundred other women would like a word.  Or are you calling Dear Leader a liberal?

Kristi Noem is very unhappy at the way she was depicted on South Park, which has never been in the business of either realism or flattery.  She should be proud that they took notice of her at all, something they never did when she was governor of some forsaken place on the northern prairie.  The price of success.

Benjamin Netanyahu wants to sue the New York Times for reporting that there is starvation in Gaza, so he went to Fox News instead of a reputable outlet to whine about it.  They "put out a major story on the front page, Palestinian mother holding a child, starved supposedly.  And then it turns out that the child has cerebral palsy...How do we win?  Eventually the truth gets out.  People will see the humanitarian surge.  People will see our efforts to prevent civilian casualties..."  WHO reports acute malnutrition in 12,000 children, few of whom have cerebral palsy.  The UN says a hundred premature babies are endangered by Israel's fuel embargo.  UNICEF calls Gaza a "graveyard for thousands of children."  He can't sue everybody.  And children with CP also require nourishment.

Netanyahu may also consider suing a number of Jewish groups who are appalled by the suffering in Gaza, including the Reform Movement in North America, the New York-based Rabbinical Assembly, Jews for Food Aid for People in Gaza, and 200 alumni of the Zionist youth group Young Judaea.  These rabbis demonstrated last week in Senator John Thune's office:

"What a great honor to get those Purple Hearts.  I guess in a certain way it wasn't that easy for me either, when you think of it."  It was National Purple Heart Day and America's most famous draft dodger made it about himself, of course.  Apparently three "suckers and losers" who were actual recipients sent him their medals because he was shot at and missed a year ago.  This should make up for 1) the tragic bone spurs which prevented him for winning the Vietnam War and 2) the injustice of never being recognized for avoiding an STD in the 1970s.  Allegedly.

The late, great George Washington was never wounded.  And did you know he owned slaves?

The first soldiers to be interred at Arlington National Cemetery (known in those days as "General Lee's plantation") died fighting against Confederate sedition.  Once again they will have to share the space with a tribute to that sedition.  The 1914 Confederate Monument removed in 2022 for being "problematic from top to bottom" will be restored on orders from arch-racist Trump and his Secretary of Warfighting and Impressive Tattoos.  The re-installation is expected to cost $10 million, or one Scottish golf trip.  

His very expensive kayaking birthday over, J.D. Vance is vacationing in an "Islamist hellhole" (his description) known as the United Kingdom.  Last February he also accused it of putting "the basic liberties of religious Britons" (presumably just the Christians) at risk and destroying free (hate) speech.  Since he doesn't pay for anything ever, the hillbilly elegist will be the guest of Foreign Secretary David Lammy, who is advised to install plastic covers on all couches.  

Speaking of hellholes, the FBI's report on the decline in violent crime last year has the White House smooth-brains worried.  Their response/distraction is to proclaim Washington, DC, "more violent than Baghdad, more violent than parts of Ethiopia" because DOGE operative Edward Coristine (self-styled "Big Balls") was beaten during an attempted carjacking last week.  So says Stephen Miller, since Baghdad's mayor is not a black woman.  Miller's master is threatening to send in the National Guard, something he didn't find necessary during the January 6 riot, and threaten the city with "Federal control."  Remember "broken windows," the 1990s effort to reduce crime by repairing damage and removing graffiti?  Maybe what Washington needs is for white trash from Queens to stop making it so incredibly ugly.  It needs a big tacky ballroom even less than it needs a monument to traitors.

                                                                                     *******

I may take a few days off next week unless something astonishing happens, and it's getting harder to astonish me.  As Kurt Vonnegut said, "Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment.  There is no why."