Objects and subjects

 "If we didn't go to Los Angeles you would literally have had to call off the Olympics.  It was so bad."

That was The Leader explaining how he saved the 2028 Olympics by ordering armed troops into Los Angeles.  That's how bad it is.  I guess the occupation of Los Angeles will continue for the next three years.  

Barely able to walk or focus his eyes, Trump has decided to focus on other people's health and appearance.  He managed to find the remote and turn on the television yesterday and was appalled by ABC anchor Jonathan Karl's hair.  Karl was interviewing "Sloppy Chris Christie," who left office as governor of New Jersey in 2018, and Trump decided to retaliate for something Christie said by threatening to prosecute him for "Bridgegate," a minor scandal/traffic snarl that nobody can remember.   (Trump suffers from a condition my mother once described as "Irish Alzheimer's," where you forget everything but the grudges.)   He then turned his attention to the impending invasion of Chicago by suggesting that Governor J.B. Pritzker is "a slob" who "needs to hit the gym."  All this while seated behind a desk because they no longer have anything large enough to conceal his elephantine legs.  

Then it got worse.  "Some people" have been talking to him again, telling him how tired they are of freedom.  "They say, 'We don't need [troops].  Freedom, freedom.  He's a dictator.'  A lot of people are saying, 'Maybe we like a dictator...I'm not a dictator.  I'm a man with great common sense and a smart person."  Reporters backed away before he could tell them how he "aced" the cognitive test with the highest score ever seen.  

Here's how safe Washington is:  A National Guardsman was ticketed Wednesday for "running a red light" in a Mine-Resistant Ambush Protected All-Terrain Vehicle (MATV to you).  He also smashed into a car so badly that firefighters had to extract the driver using the Jaws of Life.  There must be a lot of mines around the intersection of 8th Street and North Carolina Avenue SE.  Apparently the Guard is in such peril that Hegseth is issuing them with weapons.  DC residents should consider acquiring their own.

The "disasta in Alaska" (as Keith Olbermann has named it) was an embarrassment for everyone who still cares about this country.  It may have been the greatest Russian propaganda victory engineered by an American since Walter Duranty assured New York Times readers in 1932 that there was no famine in Ukraine, winning a Pulitzer Prize for his efforts.  Duranty privately acknowledged to a British diplomat that "as many as ten million people" may have died at Stalin's hands, but he kept the prize and stayed silent in public.  Trump's case is simpler:  he is an increasingly childish old fool.

Proudly displaying a photo of them together he rhapsodized, "I was just sent a picture from somebody that wants to be here very badly.  He's been very respectful of me and of our country...I'm going to sign this for him...That's a man named Vladimir Putin.  Who I believe will be coming, depending on what happens...But I thought it was a nice picture of him.  OK, of me, but nice of him.  So that was very nice that it was sent to me, OK?"  He sounds like a 14-year-old girl who just got a head shot from Robert Pattinson's publicist and thinks he wants to meet her.  It seems Putin is dying to attend the men's World Cup next year and Trump is suddenly an expert on the beautiful game despite knowing nothing about it.  Gianni Infantino, the current corrupt president of FIFA, dropped by the Offal Office with the big gold dingus and it was love at first sight.  

Instantly the World Cup draw was moved from the Las Vegas Sphere to the Kennedy Center ("Some people refer to it as the Trump Kennedy Center but we're not prepared to do that quite yet.  Maybe in a week or so," he said modestly).  He claims all credit for bringing the event here, even the games scheduled for Mexico and Canada.  He "joked" about keeping the dingus and striking a cheap copy for the winning team, as happened with the Club World Cup trophy won by Chelsea.  Unless Russia wins, of course.

Will Putin come here to look over his newest province?  Not if there's any danger of the kind of reception Vance, Hegseth and that stain Miller got at Union Station last week (what's Russian for "couch fucker"?).  Now we know why all cities must be pacified and locked down, and it has nothing to do with some lawyer throwing a sandwich or even mayors like Michelle Wu vowing to follow the law and to hell with the ICEstapo.  How embarrassing it would be if Putin thought his fellow dictator did not have perfect control of his subjects.  What would Kim say?  

Still unoccupied New York is losing its mind.  For some reason Zohran Mamdani tried and failed to bench press a 135-pound weight at a "Men's Day" event in Brooklyn.  (Why would he try?  Remember Barack Obama's first attempt with a bowling ball in 2008?)  A delighted Andrew Cuomo, who was not present, posted, "This guy can't bench his own body weight let alone carry the weight of leading the most important city in the world."  His fellow loser Eric Adams invented the name "Mamscrawny."  With Trump urging Christie and Pritzker to shape up, it's been quite a day for the muscleheads.  

None of this is new.  Back in 1932, when Los Angeles first hosted the Olympics, Paramount released Million Dollar Legs.  With a screenplay by Joseph L. Mankiewicz, it's set in the imaginary republic of Klopstokia, where they choose a president like this:

You can watch the whole thing at Internet Archive.  I'm not saying it's any better than the Electoral College, but let's think about it.