Naked holding a Bible

 

Some days the story writes itself.

"A random shooting outside a Target store in Texas began when a gunman killed an employee collecting shopping carts, then a man and his four-year-old granddaughter, sparking a chaotic hour of stolen cars and crashes that ended with him arrested naked holding a Bible, police said Tuesday."  (AP)

"Random shooting"?  I'm not so sure.  The Target employee was Hector Leopoldo Martinez Machuca; the grandfather's name is Adam Chow, which could be Asian.  As Meidas Touch reports, the shooter posted a slew of pro-Trump memes to Facebook.  He checks all the boxes:  previous arrests for domestic violence and drunk driving; expressions of hate for immigrants, Democrats, Native Americans and drag queens; Texas; Bible; naked.  With so many mass shootings in recent weeks, he must have decided the Bible would help him stand out.  I wonder if federal troops will now occupy Austin.

We are sharing space with the insane.  Gerika Mudra is not transgender but a server in an Owatonna, Minnesota, restaurant followed her into the ladies room and ordered her to leave, saying, "This is a women's rest room, the man needs to get out of here."  Mudra had to unzip her jacket and display her breasts before the toilet nazi would leave.  Minnesota does not have the you-can't-pee-here law increasingly common in red states -- the server evidently provides this service as a hobby.  This is Gerika Mudra (who is suing the restaurant):

I think she's pretty and a good deal more feminine than I am, and I remember the first time someone asked what pronoun I use.  Floored.  Why can't E pluribus unum be replaced with Mind your own business?  I think Governor Walz proposed that last summer.

The Department of Homeland Security continues to secure the homeland against invasion from people like Sarah Shaw and her son, who is six.  Shaw is a citizen of New Zealand who has lived in Washington state for three years on a "combo card," an employment visa and an I-360 visa which grants immigration status to survivors of domestic violence.  The employment visa was recently extended but not the I-360, for some reason, which is all the ICEstapo needed to grab them as they attempted to cross the border from British Columbia.  "Sarah thought she was being kidnapped," said a friend.  "They didn't really explain anything to her at first, they just kind of quietly took her and her son and put them in an unmarked white van."  They confiscated her phone and shipped the Shaws to a processing center in south Texas where they are the only English speakers.  They are still there, locked in their shared bedroom twelve hours a day, while the New Zealand foreign ministry tries to get them released.  In Washington Shaw counsels at-risk youth and provides therapy, something she and her son will need after their ordeal.  

Oh, Karma, what a scamp you are!  Ronald Beainy wanted to pay tribute to the greatest president of all time by opening the Trump Burger chain (in Texas, of course), which featured not only yummy burgers but a Trump impersonator who asked Latino customers to show their green cards.  Yes, there were Latino customers!  A real MAGA success story until it all went sideways.  DHS accused Beainy of contracting a sham marriage to obtain a green card.  He got a letter from The Trump Organization demanding he stop using "the Trump name, brand and trademark" and give them an accounting of all his profits so they could claim their cut.  Now he's facing deportation for overstaying his visa.  And something about an assault charge and lawsuits from the other partners...Mr. Beainy, are you familiar with the online abbreviation ETTD (Everything Trump Touches Dies)?  You are now.

Can you handle one more Texas story?  No, not attorney general Lazy Eye trying to have Beto O'Rourke locked up for supporting the fugitive Democrats.  The impending invasion of the flesh eating screw worm fly.  (Be warned, there's a nasty photo.)  They're advancing northward from Central America and I don't think Homan, Tsar of All the Borders, can do much to stop them.

If you work for a legit news organization like the Associated Press you struggle to hold on to your White House credentials.  So how did Molly Martinez of Gray Television, a local Washington chain, get the coveted job when she is clearly a lizard person?  Martinez is laughing it off --- for now.