Baby, you can fly my plane

 In case you still wondered why there are so many clueless women in the Trump orbit, Mother Jones had this delightful example of how he hires "the best people," c. 2007.  TRIGGER WARNING:  There's video, for those who experience dizziness and nausea when exposed to his voice.

Ghislaine may not have been his type but he still tried to suck in his belly for this picture.   In the video he brags of hiring barely legal "waitresses" based on looks alone.  His explanation:  "People are alcoholics.  You put scotch in front of them, it's like [flaps his hands around], it's like this would be my form of alcoholism."  In other words, he's a sex addict.  He can't help himself.  He needs therapy and some far-right Oprah with a show he can cry on.  It's a disease!  God has forgiven him!  A beautiful thing, OK?

In other "The MAGA can't help it" news, Rep. Cory Mills (R-FL) is the subject of a restraining order by Miss United States Lindsey Langston, who is also a Republican state committeewoman.  They broke up in February when she read about his other girlfriend in Washington.  Still more women in his life have called Mills "frightening, disloyal and unstable."  I think we have identified the next Secretary of Warfighting.

Jimmy Comer's getting the band back together.  He and the Comettes have issued subpoenas to a selection of random people from recent decades, including Jeff Sessions, Bill Barr, Alberto Gonzales, Loretta Lynch, Eric Holder, Merrick Garland, Robert Mueller, James Comey, Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton.  Not Chelsea Clinton, and not Alex Acosta, who exercised "poor judgment" when giving Jeffrey Epstein a non-prosecution agreement as US attorney.  Not so poor as to disqualify him from becoming Trump's first Secretary of Labor -- or could that have been a reward?

The Christofascists aren't saying the quiet parts out loud, they're shouting through the kind of sound system that Led Zeppelin use.  Six of eight Missouri representatives are MAGA but that's not good enough.  Governor Mike Kehoe is plotting a gerrymander with the enthusiastic support of state senator Cindy O'Laughlin, senate president pro tem:  "He wants to be sure Missouri's representation matches Missouri's Christian conservative majority." Will non-Christians still be allowed to live in the state?  Asking for a Mr. Clemens.

"Your nation needs you to step into the breach.  For our country, for our culture, for our way of life.  Will you answer the call?  https://join.ice.gov."  Tomorrow belongs to us!  No undergraduate degree required.  Signing bonus up to $50,000, student loan repayment and forgiveness options.  It shouldn't be this hard to recruit skinheads.  What if Corey Lewandowski lends them Kristi for a night?

As Hurricane Dexter shapes up off the Atlantic coast, the National Weather Service announced the re-hiring of 450 meteorologists, hydrologists and radar technicians who were DOGEd earlier this year.  Meanwhile Secretary of Health and Human Suffering Kennedy has learned the value of DISTRACTION.  Florida reports 21 cases of E. coli and Campylobacter infection in people who drank unpasteurized milk, one of Roadkill Bob's favorite projects, with seven requiring hospitalization.  So he announced the end of funding for mRNA vaccine, the best hope of a vaccine for covid and avian flu.  Biff the Brain Worm told him vaccines cause earthquakes.

When even Alabama wants to know...

Will the new tariff of 25% on India be another one-day brain fart or will it last out the week?  One thing is certain -- you can forget the 1,500% reduction on prescription drugs that Trump promised. Even Mehmet Oz acknowledges that in fact Americans will pay "a little more."  So that other countries also pay more, he added, forgetting that the civilized countries have national health insurance.  Nothing to see here, keep buying my useless supplements.  

Remember the election?  Nine months ago?  Remember the "out of control crime wave" Trump blamed on Sleepy Joe Biden and his "open borders"?  You'll be shocked to learn that it was bullshit.  According to the FBI's Reported Crimes in the Nation Statistics report issued yesterday, there was actually a year-on-year decrease in overall crime by 4.5% last year.  Murders, rapes, aggravated assaults and robberies, all down.  Murders in big cities declined by a whopping 19.1%.  What can I say besides radical left lunatic K$H Patel needs to look for a new job.  

The New York Times is getting positively frisky, publishing a bunch of letters from a wide variety of friends to Jeffrey Epstein, like Ehud Barak and Noam Chomsky, and a bread-and-butter note from Woody Allen describing Epstein's dinners as "well served...often by several young women" who reminded him of "Castle Dracula where Lugosi has three young female vampires who service the place."  Exhibits from the Epstein town house include photos of him with Pope John Paul II, Fidel Castro, Mick Jagger, Prince Mohammed bin Salman and Steve Bannon -- and my favorite, "a green first edition copy of Lolita" described as "showcased."  Gregarious guy.  If this keeps up the Times will win another Pulitzer and Trump will sue them again and it will be tossed out of court again...I think this is where I came in.