A message across time

 Yesterday I decided to kick back and start my long-awaited project of rereading Catch-22.  I got as far as Chapter 4 when I had to stop and breathe.  It's the passage about a soldier named Clevenger who used to hold "educational sessions" for the officers, after which they were encouraged to ask questions.  Naturally, these highly intelligent men could not resist.

"Who is Spain?"

"Why is Hitler?"

"When is right?"

"Where was that stooped and mealy-colored old man I used to call Poppa when the merry-go-round broke down?"

"How was trump at Munich?"

"How was trump at Munich?"

It's August 15, the eightieth anniversary of the end of World War II, and Trump is on his way not to Munich but to Alaska to sell out Ukraine the way Chamberlain sold out Czechoslovakia.  Now how did Joseph Heller know about that back in 1955, when Trump was an entitled little sociopath of nine?

This is how people turn into raving conspiracy theorists.  Of course it's coincidence.  If Heller was one of the Illuminati he would have capitalized the T.  

Deep breaths.  Deep breaths.

You can consider me distracted.  Short of digging up Jeffrey Epstein and finding a medical orderly named Josef Harbin in his grave, nothing could focus my attention on the dead pedophile/procurer/who knows what else.  Too many other things going on.  

Grandpa's Alzheimer's has reached the pathetic stage.  Trump called the Norwegian finance minister Jens Stoltenberg unexpectedly last month, supposedly to discuss tariffs but actually to promote himself for a Nobel Prize.  He must worry that being nominated by a respected statesman like Benjamin Netanyahu was not enough to move him to the top of the list.  We are the planet's punchline.  Norwegians in all walks of life should not answer international calls they don't recognize.

J.D. Vance's reputation precedes him (see above).  He can order the Army Corps of Engineers to stop work on important projects and tinker with a river for his amusement, but he can't get a Michelin-starred gastropub to feed him while he freeloads in the UK.  The staff at The Bull in Charlbury, Oxfordshire, threatened industrial action and "the family ultimately decided not to go."  The staff were happy to welcome Kamala Harris a few weeks ago when she attended a wedding in the neighborhood, so they don't hate all Americans.  Jady got a warmer reception during his obligatory golf game at Turnberry.  I wonder if he was comped.  His Secret Service certainly had to pay for everything, including portable toilets.  (Check out the Guardian's John Crace here.)

FBI statistics to the contrary notwithstanding, it is now an accepted truth that Washington, DC, is a crime-ridden hell that's worse than _________.  It's so bad that Markwayne Mullin is forced to break the law by driving around without a seat belt because he doesn't want to be hampered when the inevitable carjacking takes place.  So if you see someone in a jeep with a TRUMP 2028 sticker and a vacant expression, do try to get in front of him and stop short.  

The Russian delegation in Alaska seems to be in a festive mood, almost as if they know they're dealing with a subservient idiot.  Sergei Lavrov was sighted wearing a "USSR" sweatshirt ("CCCP" in Cyrillic) to support the fiction that Russia and Ukraine (and various other countries) are "one people."  Only $120 from Selsovet, a company specializing in "Soviet heritage" clothing.  The Russian press corps were served chicken Kyiv on the plane.  Get it?  DO YOU GET IT?  They may have been inspired by Trump's reference to St. Petersburg as "Leningrad" earlier this week.  It's all fun until we hear that Trump has offered Putin Alaskan mineral rights as part of his "negotiation," and he very well might.  And Alaska, which is reliably Republican, will learn what it's like to live in a Democratic city with troops in the streets and no right of self-rule.  

Trump is convinced that Putin is ready to deal, something he would never do for anyone else.  Of course, President Harris probably wouldn't fly all the way to Alaska for his convenience, there being a limited number of places on earth Putin would not face arrest.  President Harris certainly would not warm up for the meeting by cancelling the refugee status the Biden administration granted to 120,000 Ukrainians who are now at the mercy of ICE.  President Harris might well cancel the whole charade after Russia stepped up its drone attacks on Ukrainian cities.  Women -- too emotional to govern.  Trump alone can fix it!

Here's another incentive:  If Trump gets Russia to end the war and vacate Ukrainian territory, Hillary Clinton said she will nominate him for the coveted gold you-know-what.  Sounds like a safe bet.

Back in still unoccupied New York, Anna Paulina Luna Livia Plurabelle was telling Joe Rogan that there are "interdimensional beings" among us who can "operate through the time spaces that we currently have."  "That's not something that I came up with on my own.  That's based on stuff that we've seen," she assured him.  It's the sort of thing I used to hear at two in the morning on the Long John Nebel radio show, but his guests were never actual members of Congress, although they sometimes claimed to be interdimensional beings.

The mother of all distractions, of course, is the daily release of excerpts from the Laura Loomer deposition in Loomer v. Maher.  Still no mention of Maher but so far we've learned a great deal about Loomer's preoccupation with other women's sexual activities and the effect on their genitals (I still think Arby's should sue her), her opinion of women who pose for seminude photos (if you're Claudia Conway you're a "degenerate," if you're Melania Trump NO COMMENT), Joe Biden ("on his way to having a miserable, painful death"), and the Muslim Uber driver who "threw us out of a moving vehicle."  (While driving?)  And then this bombshell:  "Several of President Trump's staff have told me in confidence that -- that Lindsey Graham is gay."  ("I was under oath, I couldn't lie.")  Katherine Bolger, HBO's attorney, hadn't even asked, while Larry Klayman periodically squawked, "Objection!  Harassment!  Relevancy!"  (It's "relevance," numb nuts.)  

Nevertheless Lindsey Graham remains the best friend Israel has in Washington.  "Israel is not the bad guy.  They're the good guy," he told South Carolina Republicans.  "If Israel wanted to commit genocide, they could...they choose not to.  Hamas, they would commit genocide in thirty seconds.  It's not a hard choice if you're American.  It's not a hard choice if you're Christian.  A word of warning:  If America pulls the plug on Israel, God will pull the plug on us...I haven't lost my vision of right and wrong."  Their country, right or wrong, Lindsey?  If Israel really is our friend, a "democracy surrounded by people who would cut their throats if they could," maybe it should be held to a higher standard than the warlord dictatorships in the Middle East -- just as the United States used to be held to a higher standard eight months ago, before it began its slide into a lawless theocracy like Iran.  Any thoughts?

There was a temporary victory in the Big Texas Gerrymander, where the legislature couldn't reach a quorum despite threats to hunt Democrats down like animals.  A second session has been called, because failing Trump is not an option.  As Trump is to Putin, Abbott is to Trump.  Similar exercises in brute force are planned for Missouri and Florida.  The plan is to achieve an electoral map that is red (Republican) and khaki (occupied by federal troops).  

I just checked on my second-favorite scandal but there's no news of Ryan Walters and his porn.  According to the Oklahoma County sheriff, it was "a movie from Samsung's free streaming service playing without anyone's knowledge."  I have a Samsung TV but nothing like that has ever popped up.  When did they start giving away movies, much less porn?  

Trump has always wanted to be Johnny Carson hosting the Academy Awards, his idea of true glamor, but even Carson didn't get to pick the winners and present all the Oscars.  That's just what he plans for December's Kennedy (for now) Center honors.  At a photo op to talk a lot about eliminating "wokesters" and choosing "great people" Trump revealed the lucky winners:  Sylvester Stallone, the greatest actor ever to play Rocky Balboa; Gloria "One Hit Wonder" Gaynor, who went born-again and shat on the LGBTQ fans who made her a disco star; KISS, the band who wear nearly as much makeup as Trump; George Strait, who has sold a lot of hat-and-guitar records; and "an Englishman," Michael Crawford, beloved by Trump for the OC album of the deeply mediocre Phantom of the Opera.  Crawford starred in the 1965 film The Knack...and How to Get It, in which the delightful Rita Tushingham triumphed over misogyny.  The rest of his career has been decidedly mixed, involving films like How I Won the War (with John Lennon) and Hello, Dolly!  (Most viewers were asleep by the time he appeared.)  The Washington Post reports that Tom Cruise was approached but declined due to "scheduling conflicts" (it's one night, Tom -- oh, I see).  It looks like there will be an Extra Special Winner:  "I waited and waited and waited and I said, 'The hell with it, I'll become chairman and I'll give myself an honor.'"  Heute der Kennedy Center, morgens die Emmys!

Finally, we know what WOKE means:  TALENTED.

For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, here is an excerpt from Long John Nebel.