Game of drones

 

The whole world's buzzing over Ukraine's daring attack on Russian air bases as far away as Siberia and destruction of irreplaceable missile-carrying bombers (BBC:   "at the very least a spectacular propaganda coup," NBC News:  "a stunning, audacious attack...the country's 'Pearl Harbor,'" Washington Post, "a significant blow to Russia's aerial cruise missile strike capability."  Here in the alternative reality of Trumpomuskovia, we have more pressing matters to worry about.

Did you know Joe Biden is a clone?

It must be true because it was re-posted on Truth Social with a thirty-five-year-old picture of Dear Leader giving the gang sign.  After all, it's not called Bullshit Social, is it?

It explains everything, even the cybercancer.  Biden is a cyborg and Kamala Harris is "a space alien," according to Alex Jones, and the last four years were a conspiracy so cunning that only non-stop investigations and more Jake Tapper books can begin to dismantle it.  "Worse than Watergate"?  Worse than the Illuminati and the Rothschilds in secret confab with George Soros and the saucer people!  No wonder eggs cost so much.

Here's my problem.  If cloning is sophisticated enough to fool everyone but QAnon, why can't they build a Trump that stays awake at funerals?  Doesn't shit itself?  Understands tariffs?  Understands, or at least listens to, its daily briefings?

Whatever she is really up to, Tulsi Gabbard's office door says "Director of National Intelligence" and she is charged with preparing a President's Daily Brief and making sure Trump grasps at least the basics.  Trouble is, the current Trump is a dumb, lazy bastard who thinks he was chosen by God and the majority of Americans (fact check:  there is no God and he got less than 50% of the popular vote), so most of the time he looks at it (it's a digital document) about once a week.  How much he understands is anybody's guess.  Gabbard has consulted with her predecessors about maybe turning it into a clone of Fox News, using AI versions of Doug Doucy et al. so the originals won't need security clearance to tell him what he's unable to grasp through reading.  Interspersed with extravagant praise of Trump and "commercials" for Trump hotels and MyPillows, it just might hold his attention for half an hour.  For Clone Trump none of this would be necessary.  It could be programmed to be at least as smart as George W. Bush.

It could also be designed to simulate understanding while reading from a Teleprompter; to power down at night instead of tweeting incoherent nonsense; to treat visiting heads of state with a modicum of respect; to stop hiring day-drunks from the actual Fox News; and to not prioritize the entry of any more racist Boers into the United States.  And stop using the Jewish people as a political football.

There was a terrorist atrocity in Boulder, Colorado, where a group of people gathered to draw attention to the hostages still held by Hamas was attacked by a man with a homemade flamethrower.  Mohammed Sabry Soliman yelled "Free Palestine" and injured twelve people, some with burns.  He was arrested and charged with a federal hate crime.  Trump immediately branded Soliman an "Illegal Anti-American Radical," though his immigration status is unknown, and blamed Joe Biden (or his clone).  Then Lindsey Graham popped up like a toadstool after rain to call attention to the presence of Greta Thunberg in a flotilla of aid workers headed to Gaza, with a cheery "Hope Greta and her friends can swim!"  (Graham was a JagOff in the Navy and likes to posture as Admiral Halsey.)  Trump continues to disguise his assaults on Harvard and other universities as retaliation for allowing "antisemitism" on their campuses, by which he means any criticism of Israeli-Likud policies.  Like the Nazis before him Trump demands the final say on who is and is not a Jew, and to operate on the assumption that Israel is their "real" country.  

As if that weren't enough, Trump worshiper Charlie Kirk says he's glad Jews are finally experiencing the "anti-white hate" that he and his fellow fascists have suffered under all these years.  "You're considered white in the eyes of the Marxists."  (Although of course you're not, wink-wink.)  And over the weekend in Paris the French Holocaust memorial and three synagogues were vandalized.  Nuance does not coexist very well with violence, politics and humanitarian crisis.   

Joni Ernst didn't feel the love when she told some Iowans "We're all going to die."  Instead of expressing sympathy for their concerns about losing Medicaid she decided to go for funny.  "I apologize, and I'm really really glad that I did not have to bring up the subject of the tooth fairy as well."  So, no dental coverage either?  Wait, it gets worse:  "For those that would like to see eternal and everlasting life, I encourage you to embrace my Lord and savior Jesus Christ."  The guy who healed the leper and the blind man and the woman who couldn't stop menstruating?  Sorry, Joni, not really a Medicaid substitute.  Nowhere does it say he turned a callous, stupid bitch into a compassionate human being.  I'm afraid you're shit out of luck.