Bent out of shape

 Headline:  MAGA in Disarray!

In 2017 Trump attended the annual celebration of Quatorze Juillet (Bastille Day to Americans) in Paris and fell in love.  He wanted a parade just like that, with tanks and troops, and threatened to hold one on our national holiday, July 4.  But the grumpy old generals in his administration, like Jim Mattis and John Kelly, told him that this is Not Done here.  July 14 in France is literally NO KINGS Day and while it took nearly a century, they established a republic in 1871.  We got there a little sooner.  We celebrate by reading the Declaration of Independence, holding local parades, watching 1776 on TCM and upsetting the dogs and cats with ordnance.  Different traditions.

It's 2025 and the generals are gone.  The Supreme Court decided that Trump cannot be held responsible for any crimes and misdemeanors he commits because "presidential immunity" and the training wheels are off the crazy bike.  In less than five months we've had DOGE, trade chaos, Marines in the streets of Los Angeles and an unparalleled cabinet of incompetents, conspiracy theorists and Fox News sycophants promising to commit more of the same.  Someone noticed that June 14 was a minor holiday (Flag Day) as well as the 250th anniversary of the US Army (this year), but most importantly Dear Leader's birthday.  The king of England gets a ceremony on his official birthday so why not Dear Leader?  Time to pull out all the scary stuff usually deployed on battlefields, not that Bonespurs Don ever got near one.  And it bombed, in the show business sense.  Before it was over, Russians were mocking it with goofy music and Gavin Newsom was contrasting it with the festive crowds saying NO KINGS in every city.  It laid an egg, retailing today for around $4.95 a dozen.

Someone had to be blamed and, according to Michael Wolff, the designated scapegoat was Pete Hegseth.  Wolff says D.L. wanted a "menacing show of force" but got a "festive" parade.   Actually, he got neither, just a lot of bored soldiers strolling along in historic costumes and a sparse crowd.

Of all Hegseth's offenses, from dissing female and non-white heroes to sharing battle plans on Signal, it would be hilarious if this was the fatal SNAFU.  But as Samuel Goldwyn probably said, if people don't want to come there's no way to stop them.

Trump was still in a foul mood when he arrived in Alberta to schmooze with the other leaders.  Usually G7 brightens him up, but not this time.  He had just launched into a campaign speech about the evils of immigration when Mark Carney stepped up and eased him away from the microphone.  Today he was bragging about a trade deal with the UK (which he confused with the EU) and dropped some papers while attempting to display the monkey-EEG signature he's so proud of....

which he blamed on the wind (there was no wind).  Keir Starmer had to pick them up.  Then he decided the others needed a history lesson.  "The G7 used to be the G8.  Barack Obama and a person named Trudeau didn't want to have Russia in and I would say that was a mistake, because I think you wouldn't have a war right now if you had Russia in."  Putin must have dropped a hint when he called to "very nicely" wish Trump a happy birthday.  Fact check:  The G8 excluded Russia in 2014 after it annexed Crimea.  The Canadian PM at the time was Stephen Harper, not "a person named Trudeau."  (Trump finds this very diminishing, like calling Karen Bass "the 'mayor' of Los Angeles.")

The G7 is meeting for two more days but Trump has fled back to Washington.  Perhaps his signature is urgently needed on an executive order "hereby requiring" that atheists not be treated at VA hospitals, or to TACO the ICE raids on hotels and farms he stopped last week.  (Evidently "our great Farmers" were no match for the bile of Stephen Miller.)  Perhaps he thought Giorgia Meloni and Emmanuel Macron were whispering about him.  Perhaps Steven Cheung was running out of Depends.  At any rate, Macron is on the Naughty List:

Far from wanting a "Cease Fire," Donny "Peace Prize" Trump is thrilled by the prospect of a wider war.  His own Director of National Intelligence told Congress in March that Iran is not close to having nuclear weapons but his real estate partner Bibi Netanyahu obviously thinks otherwise.  "I don't care what she said.  I think they were very close to having one," he told reporters.  "EVERYONE SHOULD IMMEDIATELY EVACUATE TEHRAN!" he Truthed.  That's 9,700,000 people, give or take.  Where should they go?  Don't even think of coming here.

Maybe he felt left out of the sickening MAGA response to the Minnesota shootings way out there in Alberta.  Utah funnyman Mike Lee deleted his gleeful, hateful posts, as if that made them vanish, but the rest of the snake pit is standing by theirs.  Trump is still afraid to call Tim Walz.  "The guy doesn't have a clue.  He's a mess.  So, y'know, I could be nice and call him but why waste time?"  Funny thing is, that's what the Canadian journalist Dean Blundell is writing about Trump.  His handlers are worried about his physical decline including incontinence and his tendency to fall asleep at state funerals as well as his own parade.  

Trump must be aware that his End-Time Evangelicals are all in for Bibi's war.  Tony Perkins of Family Research Council is fundraising off it:  Send him your love offering and sign the pledge to support Israel by "declaring Psalm 46," and he'll transmit your message (minus the bucks) to the people who are working to bring about Armageddon.  For example, today in Khan Younis people gathered to wait for truckloads of flour.  Instead they got Israeli artillery and tanks, which killed 51 and wounded hundreds.  In territory they occupied, the German army would sometimes lure Jews to train stations by promising bread and marmalade.  Much easier than going house to house.

Also fundraising today is Mike Lindell, who went on Steve Bannon's Play House to explain how he "won" when a federal jury found that he defamed a Dominion Voting Systems employee and must pay him $2.3 million.  "That's what appeals are for, Steve," he said.  Bannon, who is smarter than he looks, pointed out that "appeals are only on points of law," but the pillow guy assured him he'll be victorious as soon as he brings in the things the judge ruled against the first time.  Pronouncing himself "100 percent vindicated," Lindell assured the mugs that "all donations will now go to secure our elections and help save our country," citing Isaiah 54:17.  What's going on today?  Where the hell did I put that Bible?

I had to include this, New York Post or not.  As Agent K would say, sometimes they get lucky.

"Gor declined to divulge his birthplace to the Post, other than to say it was not Russia."

Hahahahahahahahaha

Not Russia.