Abie Normal is calling

 

"Good job, kid.  Know anything about terrorism?"

It took a few years and an internship at the Heritage Foundation, but Thomas Fugate, now 22 and with a career as a "Landscape Business Owner " (self-employed gardener) behind him, is head of the Center for Prevention Programs and Partnerships at the DHS.  Only in Trump's version of America, huh?

Beware, evil-doers, wherever you are!  And where they are is no longer the far right, needless to say.  Leak investigations suggest they lurk in the DHS itself, and the DNC and MSNBC and probably Harvard.  Yes, Harvard, which has long been in Trump's sights -- he wants to revoke the university's accreditation on the basis of violating civil rights laws.  It's funny because Trump hates all civil rights except those of white nationalists and Boer "refugees."

It was Friedrich Merz's turn to experience the Offal Office today.  The German chancellor said he was there to talk about how to end the war in Ukraine and remarked that tomorrow marks the anniversary of D Day, "when the Americans once ended a war in Europe."  Trump decided to be witty:  "That was not a pleasant day for you."  Merz saw the chance for a history lesson:  "In the long run, Mr. President, this was the liberation of my country from Nazi dictatorship."  At least Trump didn't pull out the volume of Hitler speeches he used to keep beside his bed.  No, it was worse -- he brought up Douglas MacArthur:  "He made a statement, never let Germany re-arm."  Trump pronounced himself pleased that Germany spends more on defense than it did before Putin's invasion, as if it were his own achievement, but implied that the Germans still can't be trusted.  It was the Fawlty Towers episode that no one asked for.

As a famous athlete and D Day veteran once observed, it was deja vu all over again.  Trump added his concussed-chimp-EEG signature to an order banning people from Afghanistan, Myanmar, Chad, the Republic of Congo, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Haiti, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and Yemen from the US because reasons.  (Democratic Republic of Congo lucked out because he can't tell them apart.)  Don't worry, sports fans, there's an exception for "any athlete or member of an athletic team, including coaches, persons performing a support role, and immediate relatives" coming here for the Olympics, World Cup or other major sporting event.  Nothing must cast a shadow as Trump basks in the glory he imagines he's entitled to.  

Not all the sporting news reflects well.  Luis Ricardo Aquino of Mexico City was watching a game between the Dodgers and Yankees at Dodger Stadium when a concrete slab the size of a softball fell from the deck above, fracturing his rib.  According to Aquino, first responders asked if he had "permission" to be in the country and took his visa and other documents before rendering aid.  "I am angry because I felt discriminated against," he told KTLA-TV.  The team gave him some merch but no apology or follow-up.

It's a zero-sum game at the Bondi Department -- if you open one case you have to close another one, only so many hours in the day, right?  Trump ordered the bondis to investigate Joe Biden's mental state with a view to invalidating the pardons that put Mark Milley, Anthony Fauci and others out of reach of his vengeance.  It's a big job, especially since they're lawyers and not psychiatrists or gerontologists, so naturally they had to drop the lawsuit against trade lackey Peter Navarro.  Last year when it was the Justice Department, Navarro was sued to provide the archives of ProtonMail, the nongovernmental server he used.  So we'll never find out "but his emails."  Navarro shares Pissdrunk Pete's lighthearted approach to confidentiality.

Don't think that Trump is the only one feverishly checking the news, "news" and comedy shows.  After Jon Stewart suggested that her trademark jewelry is "some sort of weird Pinocchio cross -- the more she lies, the bigger the cross gets," Karoline Leavitt delivered the morning propaganda without it.  She recently told the Christian Broadcasting Network, "My faith is incredibly important to me," but not the whole "bear false witness" part, I guess.

What a difference a day makes.  Ever since Musk began denouncing the Billionaires' Big Greedy Bill for exploding the deficit it's as if he and Trump were never besties.  Trump wants to cancel Musk's federal contracts.  Musk demands a new party to replace the Republicans and insinuates that Trump's weird proclivities are documented in the Epstein files.  Trump accuses Musk of ingratitude, somewhat confusingly after the millions he gave to MAGA.  Musk calls for Trump to be impeached.  Trump diehard Steve Bannon wants Musk investigated as an "illegal alien" and deported for drug use.  Kroger reports popping corn is flying off the shelves.  Musk once threatened to get in the ring with Mark Zuckerberg for some kind of mixed-up middle-age martial arts slapstick.  Is the offer still open?  Kristi Noem could be the Round Girl.

If you don't care for sports, let's turn to The Arts.  Despite a new mix-and-match subscription scheme and a drink discount deal with MAGA hot spot Butterworth's (not a pancake place, apparently), revenues at the Kennedy Center are down 36%.  It's not on a par with bankrupting casinos, but the axiom "Everything Trump Touches Dies" is still in effect.  It seems that ballet, theater and classical music, like truth, have a liberal bias.  What they need is star power.  How about Stallone and Voight in Waiting for Godot, or Rob Schneider as Mark Twain Tonight!?  Sorry, I can't think of any others.