Seashells

I didn't think it was possible, but it's getting stranger.

James Comey -- you remember him, the emails guy -- was walking on the beach (unspecified) when he came upon some shells arranged into numbers.  Being a gregarious person, he took a picture and posted it to his Instagram account ("Cool shell formation on my beach walk").  All hell broke loose, with Junior Trump's response being typical ("Just James Comey causally [sic] calling for my dad to be murdered.  This is who the Dem-Media worships.  Demented!!!!").   Apparently to "86" means to eject someone -- a coked-up nuisance from a bar, for example -- while "47" can refer only to Trump.  Before Junior had finished inhaling his morning dosage Comey deleted the post, but it was too late.  MAGA lost its hive mind.  It was a bit like the scene in Richard III where the privy council is planning the coronation and Gloucester starts accusing people of plotting his death and using witchcraft to wither his arm.  Off with their heads!

"James Comey, in my view, should be held accountable and put behind bars for this," declared Putin's agent Tulsi Gabbard.  "Former disgraced FBI director James Comey is either threatening to kill Donald Trump or suggesting someone should.  This is as outrageous as it is dangerous," fretted Mike Johnson.  Andy Ogles demanded that K$H Patel and/or Secret Service director Sean Curran investigate at once.  CECOT began clearing out a cell.  Anyone would think Comey had called Trump "deplorable."

Where do these sick, twisted Democrats come by such hate?   Maybe at the Trump Store, which is still selling these:

"A child knows what that meant.  It means assassination loud and clear," Trump raved.  If you say so.  We'll add conspiracy to kill Joe Biden to your list of charges.

When you're choking on bile and foaming at the mouth, why let it go to waste?

"The Radical Left Sleazebags, which has [sic] no cards remaining in its illegal bag of tricks, is...PLAYING THE REF with regards to the Supreme Court...They are stone cold CRAZY."  This and other gibberish seems to mean he is worried SCOTUS will not agree that birthright citizenship is just for "BABIES OF SLAVES."  By "Radical Left Sleazebags" he seems to mean Amy Coney Barrett, who objected to the way Solicitor General Sauer brushed off Elena Kagan during oral arguments.  Off with her head!  Trump is starting to regret Barrett the way Eisenhower regretted Earl Warren.  I wonder how many MAGApies she gets every day.

He's also starting to experience taker's remorse about what Jeff Tiedrich calls his "vulgar flying bordello."  Turns out Qatar has been trying to sell the thing for five years because it's "too expensive to operate, too expensive to maintain and too expensive to store."   They can't believe they found someone dumb enough to take it, and to spend several billion dollars making it safe to use as anything but a Middle Eastern-themed catering hall.  Speaking of which...

Having been schooled on "equalize" he decided it was time to explain English to the president of the United Arab Emirates, who probably speaks it better than he does:  "We have a term, groceries.  It's an old term but it means basically what you're buying, food, it's a pretty accurate term but it's an old fashioned sound but groceries are down."  (President Al-Nahyan to translator:  "Ask him if he'd like to own a rabid camel.")

The UK's Daily Mail continues to scoop US media with stories that seem unbelievable but aren't.  DHS is looking for a streaming service to carry a series called The American, where immigrants would travel around the country competing for the coveted prize of American citizenship.  They claim to have seen a 35-page prospectus outlining regional stunts, a "heritage challenge," and a vote followed by swearing-in on the Capitol steps.  I promise, I am stone cold sober.

A reality show was the beginning of the end for the American experiment, so it might as well finish us off.

Having disposed of Taylor Swift's hotness, Trump couldn't keep from responding to Bruce Springsteen, who opened his summer tour in Manchester by calling the administration "corrupt, incompetent and treasonous."  "Highly overrated...dried out 'prune' of a rocker (his skin is all atrophied!)...just a pushy obnoxious JERK."  The rest of his rant was another attack on Biden, who has burrowed so far under Trump's fat that he can only be traced by a CT scan.

Unless you were raised by apes you probably learned that the correct procedure on receiving an unwanted gift is to smile, say thank you and keep your feelings to yourself.  Trump's action does not speak well of Mary and Fred.  As he was leaving the Emirates the head of the Abu Dhabi National Oil Company, Sultan Al Jabber, presented him with a glass container of oil.  "This is the highest quality oil there is on the planet and they only gave me a drop," he responded.  "So I'm not thrilled but it's better than no drop."  His hosts pretended it was a joke that didn't land, and they were probably right.  The real question is why Margo Martin decided it should be posted on social media at once, or at all.  

The mess at home won't please him any more than the sultan's oil.  His "big, beautiful" budget bill is DOA thanks to Chip Roy, Andrew Clyde, Ralph Norman and other MAGAts.  His poll numbers resemble the Titanic.  One of his biggest fans has died.  "President Trump, keep making America great," said Glen Rogers just before he was killed with a lethal injection in Florida State Prison.  The FAA has admitted scrounging parts on eBay.  (Who sells used airport equipment on eBay?)  FEMA is not ready for hurricane season, which starts in two weeks.  

And Melania is missing again.  Not the First Escort or the awful wooden likeness of Melania in her hometown of Sevnica, Slovenia, which was burned.  It was replaced with an awful bronze likeness, which has been cut off at the ankles and not yet recovered.  If you see it on eBay call 1-800-GRIFTER.                               

And in conclusion 2547.  Sorry, no shells.