Mine is bigger

 Early in the film Defending Your Life Daniel Miller (Albert Brooks) is celebrating his birthday by picking up his new car.  He's delighted with it until he notices a more expensive model and decides it makes his car "look like a turd."  I thought of this when Trump was explaining to Sean Hannity why he absolutely needs a Qatari bribe plane:  "When you land and you see Saudi Arabia and you see UAE and you see Qatar and you see all this, and they have these brand-new Boeing 747s mostly, and you see ours next to is, this is like a totally different plane."

You know what's coming.  Sheikh Donald gets the keys to his gleaming gold (has to be gold) 747.  He slowly climbs the steps, toilet paper clinging to his shoe.  He settles onto a divan and reaches for a Quarter Pounder with cheese.  Then he glances out the window and spots an Airbus 380-800.

Turd time.

Objects are already appearing to be bigger than they are.  The Great Negotiator announced that Saudi Arabia is investing $600 billion in the US, but somebody pulled out a calculator and found that the numbers don't work.  It's more like $282.8 billion, mainly in the private sector in both countries.  But a Chinese tech company, GD Culture Group, with eight employees and murky ties to the Chinese government somehow found $300 million to invest in $TRUMP, his grifty meme coin, so that makes up some of the difference.

On Fox, Gutfeld!, who will probably be the next Secretary of the Treasury or something, explained that it's all good because Trump is America and America is Trump and when he prospers, so do we.  "He is a doer, not a talker.  He's got aspirational designs for the country.  He wants to be the greatest president ever and that directly benefits us, even if it's for his own ego.  It doesn't matter!"  Where have I read something like that?

In case you thought I was joking about that burger, look what the Sauds built just for Donnie:

The whole world is laughing at this slob.

Especially the Arab world.  Sanctions on Syria have been lifted since he met the country's "young, attractive" ruler Ahmed al-Sharaa.  "Tough guy.  Strong past.  Very strong past.  Fighter."  Al-Sharaa's past included fighting against US forces in Iraq, which led to a $10 million bounty on his head until last December.  Now he's offering a Ukrainian-style minerals deal and a Trump Tower in Damascus, so he's one of the good guys.  Diplomacy is easy!

Imitating his boss's dictum of "I got mine, what's wrong with you?" Sean Duffy jumped into the continuing chaos at Newark Airport by insisting that it's perfectly safe.  Then he rebooked his wife, Fox pundit Rachel Compos-Mentis, to fly out of LaGuardia instead of Newark.  On Monday night Newark had two air traffic controllers instead of 14, and the radar screens keep blacking out.  Duffy spends most of his time back at the Fox studios blaming Joe Biden, so that should fix everything. 

When Trump returns with his Saudi swag he'll face what amounts to a MAGA rebellion -- it's surprising how many cult members are upset about the Qatari plane.  Even Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and Ben Shapiro are concerned at the Susan Collins level, brows furrowed and all.  But as with the American pope, he will doubtless claim credit for the removal of Pete Rose, Joe Jackson and others from the Major League Baseball banned list, making them eligible for the Hall of Fame.  According to Commissioner Rob Manfred, "Obviously a person no longer with us cannot represent a threat to the integrity of the game."  Kennesaw Landis's condemnation of the player "that sits in a conference with a bunch...of gamblers" sounds pretty hollow when every baseball telecast is sponsored by FanDuel and DraftKings.

When is a cartel not a cartel?  The sons of Joaquin Guzman ("El Chapo") are suspected of taking over the management of his Sinaloa drug cartel but seventeen members of the Guzman family have legally entered the United States to take part in Ovidio Guzman's plea deal negotiations with the Bondi Department in Chicago.  And do a little shopping and sightseeing, maybe?  Terrorists with visas.  Rich or poor, it's great to have money, as my Aunt Loretta used to say.

I just checked and the "privilege" of habeas corpus is still in effect.  I guess someone mislaid the executive order pad on dumpy old Air Force One.  Fingers crossed, y'all.