Let's get physical!

 We are hours away from June busting out all over but already hands are being thrown and somebody is going to get hurt.

Whether you call it "playful teasing" or "a harmless scuffle," Brigitte Macron definitely made contact with her husband Emmanuel as their plane arrived in Vietnam.  A member of their team described it as "a moment of closeness" as France's first couple relaxed one last time before the arduous task of meeting officials and seeing the sights.  Some people just hold hands.  

Elon Musk turned up at the White House for his farewell party sporting the beginnings of a black eye and, as the New York Times drily noted, "The list of possible suspects seemed long."  According to Musk, he invited his son X AE A-12, a/k/a X, to slug him.  X, the five-year-old known for depositing boogers on the Resolute desk, was not available to confirm or deny.  Whispers suggest a violent encounter with Stephen Miller, suspicious that his wife Katie may be in line to become the newest Bride of Elon.  She's just his type:  white, fertile, and clearly not very picky.

Earlier this week the Times reported that Musk was off his tits with ketamine, Ecstasy and psychedelic mushrooms while in government "service," consuming so much ketamine that he experienced bladder problems.  Luckily, the White House has a stockpile of adult diapers for just such contingencies, and an employee named Cheung who can deadlift a 250-pound man onto a changing table as often as necessary (for example, when he gets bad news from a judge he appointed).  According to the Times, Musk was also doing Adderall.  It would be fruitless to speculate who turned him on to it.

If you worry about Americans suffering because of Musk's meat-axe cuts to food assistance and Medicaid, stop it right now.  As Senator Joni Ernst told a roomful of angry constituents in Parkersburg, Iowa, last night, "We are all going to die."  It is the policy of this blog to acknowledge occasions when Republicans say something true.  That was it.

In a motion to deny Paramount's request to dismiss his idiotic lawsuit against CBS, Sixty Minutes, Bill Whittaker and video editing in general, Trump's lawyers claimed the Kamala Harris interview made him cry.  Actually they said "mental anguish," a phrase that usually crops up in divorce petitions.  The $15 million Paramount initially offered to settle it was rejected because Trump's anguish can't be assuaged for less than $10 billion.  He has the best anguish, perfect anguish, many people have said so.  It hurts so much that he was forced to retract his "Melania and I" response to the announcement of Joe Biden's cancer and replace it with a more characteristic gloat:  "If you feel sorry for him, don't feel so sorry for him, 'cause he's vicious.  What he did with his political opponent, and all of the people that he hurt.  He hurt a lot of people, Biden, and so I really don't feel sorry for him."  

Did you know that government service is hard?  The pay is laughable and the hours -- let deputy FBI director and ex-hate jock Dan Bongino explain:  "I gave up everything for this.  I mean, my wife is struggling.  I stare at these four walls all day, by myself, divorced from my wife -- not divorced but I mean separated.  And it's hard..."  Maybe that's why Tommy Tuberville is giving up the Senate and all its filibustering and voting and such for the simple joys of governating.  Yes, Discount Bear Bryant has consented to replacing Kay "Poison" Ivey next year, a conclusion he considers foregone.  He'll put a stop to all the DEI and forcing your kids to change genders and libraries full of books, and Make Alabama Great Again.  No more Washington and its uppity...folks.