IQ? No, you Q!

 This could be a new feature, depending on my willingness to work on Saturday.  Today there seems to be a particular need to wrap up the grossest examples of stupidity between May 12 and 16.

We begin with Trump because he puts the most effort into it.  American troops in Qatar were treated to a history lesson from their commander-in-chief and that's always fun.  To make the terrorist-bankrolling despots of the Middle East look better, I suppose, he decided to go after our democratic allies.

"We love France, right?  But I think we did a little more to win the war than France did.  Do we agree?  I don't want to be a wise guy but when Hitler made his speech at the Eiffel Tower, I would say that wasn't exactly ideal."

For years Holocaust deniers have sneered, "Well, where's the order signed by Hitler?"  Now they can hit the archives and start looking for the text of that previously unknown speech.

Ted Cruz has a problem with the Constitution he swore to uphold, and you won't be surprised that it's the much-maligned Fourteenth Amendment.  "I think birthright citizenship is terrible policy," he told Sean Hannity, obediently parroting the White House line.  It's "an incredible magnet for illegal immigration."  Hannity failed to point out that the senator's father Rafael Cruz was born in Matanzas, Cuba, or that all Cuban "refugees" have been allowed to bypass border controls and jump the line since Castro came to power, so I will.

James Comer decided it was time to introduce a new term into the language, so he told Jason Chaffetz -- yes, that one, now warming up in the Fox News bullpen -- that he's sure James Comey was "trying to jizz up some type of coup or some type of insurrection" with his infamous shells-on-a-beach photo.  Comer's Committee on Bogus Investigations has yet to subpoena a single witness or schedule a screaming fit by Margie Greene but he already knows exactly what happened.  Go home and eat bluegrass, Gomer, it might make you as smart as a horse.  Also, I believe the expression is "gin up" but you do you.  

Margie scheduled her own breakdown this week, attacking her own party, the Senate leadership and the Senate itself.  "The Senate is where good ideas go to die...That's why I'm not running."  Actually, she's not running because the entire party from Trump down greeted her candidacy with "OH HELL, NO!" and backed it up with a poll from Trump's personal pollster Tony Fabrizio showing that she is less popular in Georgia than canker sores, sand gnats and General Sherman, in that order.  Can we get her to run as an independent?  

"Dr." Casey Means, the new barber-surgeon general, wrote a book in which she admitted to the federal crime of using psilocybin mushrooms as an unproven therapeutic aid.  What's more, she recommends it for everyone and says 'shrooms helped her find love.  If the hallucinations are better than the reality I'm living in, sign me up.

I wish I had the supreme self-confidence of a Rightzi.  Whenever an election doesn't go their way, whether it's for the Australian parliament or the school board in Chigger Creek, Ohio, they know at once that it was RIGGED and STOLEN.  I know the papacy has been controversial in the past -- at various times there were two or three papal claimants supported by different factions -- but how was it possible for this year's conclave to be "more rigged than the 2020 election"?  That's what sorehead Steve Bannon says and he's really Catholic.  What he doesn't say is how.  A hundred and thirty-three men were locked in a room, sealed in really, and they had to give up their phones.  How did George Soros get to them?  I assume Bannon wanted Timothy Dolan or one of those African cardinals who would excommunicate all the gays and tell the colonels where to find them, but "more rigged than the 2020 election"?  Either something is rigged or it isn't.  That's why they burn all the ballots, so no one can find out what the real totals were!  Italian satellites attached to thermostats in the Sistine Chapel!  Must do over!  You don't mind looking like a clown, do you, Pennywise?

But none of these specimens won the week.  Meet Newsmax fashionista Greg Kelly.  "Some FOOL painted a light pole basically 5 minutes ago on a Weekday Morning and put the Wet Paint Sign on The Ground????  I was just chillin' leaning on the pole waiting for the light to Change and when it turned Green I COULDN'T MOVE because the Paint was so Sticky...a Paint BLOB on my Custom Made BRIONI Jacket with Hermes "lining" with Solid Gold Button and it's worth $12,000 Dollars!!!!  And there's also a 'Splotch' on my PATEK PHILIPPE Nautilus Watch...CALL THE COPS!!!!!!!  REFUND!!!!!!!!  PUNITIVE DAMAGES!!!!"

So you paid $12,000 for a jacket -- not even a whole suit.  You couldn't stand on your feet for two minutes without leaning on a pole.   You got somebody to take a picture and posted it so the world would know you're an overpaid idiot.  And you call the city worker who painted it and doesn't make $12,000 a month a "FOOL"?  Congratulations, Greg, and best of luck in your eventual Cabinet job.

Habemus moron!