Feast of fools

 

Kid Rock stops by Golden Office to find out how many Kennedy Center honors he will receive this year.  President Zelensky was heard to exclaim, "Why didn't I dress like that?"

Wall Street Journal editorial board name-checks British socialist:  "George Orwell, call your office.  In the real economic world, a tariff is a tax.  If you raise $600 billion more a year in revenue for the federal government, you are taking that amount away from individuals and businesses in the private economy."  Journal board, you might as well explain it to a goldfish.

Podcaster and friend of Kash Patel, Paul Gosar and Kari Lake Stew Peters says out loud what most of MAGA is thinking:  It's time for a "final solution" to America's Jewish problem.  Lucky Chuck Schumer is a Palestinian.  The Leader said so.

The co-presidents are appalled at France's abuse of Marine Le Pen just because she was convicted of embezzling funds from the European Parliament.  Is that even a real thing?  She's barred from running for president next year as she usually does, making her the most harassed and abused person in the world after The Leader.  And Silvio Berlusconi.  And Jair Bolsonaro.  And Boris Johnson.  Look, most right-wing politicians are crooks.  Get over it.

Sunita Williams and Barry Wilmore are back on earth and since they weren't asked to the White House like Mr. Rock, they went on Fox News to repudiate The Leader's lies about them.  "Stuck?  OK, we didn't get to come home the way we planned," said Wilmore, "but in the big scheme of things we weren't stuck.  We planned and trained."  Bill Hemmer could not get them to say they felt "abandoned" by the Biden administration or that they had been "marooned."  Don't shoot Hemmer, he did his best.  

George Soros strikes again!  Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry tried to get voters to agree that the state constitution needed fixing, like the creation of "regional specialty courts" to take authority from the real courts (see Mike Johnson's proposal to eliminate the federal judiciary) and the expansion of crimes for which juveniles could be tried as adults.  The voters rejected it by margins wider than 60 percent, which Landry attributes to Soros and the "far left liberals" who have somehow left Louisiana reliably reactionary for decades.  More like far right clergy worried about losing some of their tax exemptions, but whatever makes you happy, Jeff.

The policy of mass deportations may have reached a tipping point if even Joe Rogan has had enough.  "Let's not let innocent gay hairdressers get lumped up with the gangs.  How long before that guy can get out?...Is there any plan in place to alert the authorities that they've made a horrible mistake?"  No, because they don't care.  The "innocent gay hairdresser" who has become the symbol of this outrage is Andry Jose Hernandez Romero, whose offense was to get some tattoos.  The Venezuelan who came here legally to escape gangs is now at their mercy in a Salvadoran concentration camp and the response by Bottle Blonde No. 1 Karoline Leavitt would gag a maggot, if not a MAGAt.  I see she is ordered to call it "the insane failing Atlantic magazine."  The Atlantic has been failing since 1857, even before Fritz Drumpf opened his first whorehouse in the New World.

Another law firm feels The Leader's wrath.  Willkie, Farr & Gallagher employs an investigator for the House Select Committee on the attempted coup of 2021, but its real offense is to employ Doug Emhoff, whose offense is to be the husband of Kamala Harris.  The firm also includes a litigator in the defamation suit of Shaye Moss and Ruby Freeman, for which Giuliani still owes them $148 million.  How are they still allowed to exist?

Don't read too much into this but there's a listing on eBay for what purports to be Melania Trump's wedding dress, a snap at $45,000.  The lister says she bought it in 2010 for $70,000.  Times are hard.

You have to put gas in the car but you don't have to put eggs on the table.  According to Clarify Capital, one-third of Americans have stopped buying eggs and say they won't resume until the price drops below five dollars a dozen.  I thought that would happen "on Day One" but here it is Day 71.  Damn you, George Soros!

Say goodbye to the Weideljungen.  Aktion fur Deutschland has jettisoned its youth wing, which is even more extreme, in order to protect itself.  The kiddies are facing a ban for violating laws designed to prevent a return to the Nazi past.  Say!  I wonder if the Boer would consider sneaking them into the US among his Afrikaners.

Say it with me:  "BUT HIS EMAILS!"  According to the failing lying crying dying Washington Post, national security guy Mike Waltz not only chats about bombing raids on Signal, he also conducts government business over personal Gmail accounts.  Is that wrong?  Is it less secure than the dining room at Motel a Lago?  Is he using launch codes to play Pick Six?  Is anyone in charge?

They're having quite the Fool Day at the third co-equal branch of government, the one with the dome over it.  The crisis of the day in the House is whether to permit Members with new babies to vote remotely, which is not quite the year of paid family leave that people expect as a right in the civilized countries.  A procedural rule failed because nine Republicans voted with the enemy, so Little Mike told them all to go home and sit in the corner until Monday, NO DESSERT AND NO TELEVISION!  Meanwhile across the hall Cory Booker has been talking for over twenty-four hours, getting some things off his chest and (let's be honest) kicking off his campaign for president.  It's being called "a real life Mr. Smith Goes to Washington," where of course Smith's filibuster failed.  But maybe Ted Cruz will try to kill himself.

Just fooling!