Inside agitators
The Leader's weekend was ruined when he saw the pictures -- King Charles invited President Zelensky to his private residence at Sandringham, greeted him on the steps and didn't once complain that he hadn't stopped in Savile Row to buy a suit. Now he feels "less special" about his own pending visit. If he bullies and abuses another head of state, all must do the same. Right now the Keeper of the iPhone is trying to hide it so he won't launch a series of Social Truths about how Charles has "sausage fingers" and was mean to Diana and will never be as good as his mother.
J.D. Vance had a bad time, too. He was set upon by a mob of angry demonstrators who terrified his three-year-old daughter. At least, that's his version. The one captured on video suggests otherwise: a group on their way to a protest in Cincinnati passed him (and his security, presumably) and engaged him in conversation, during which he slipped and admitted that Russia invaded Ukraine in 2022, not the other way around. No wonder he panicked and virtually claimed it was an assassination attempt. MAGAts have been exiled for less.
It's getting harder to stay on script when it keeps changing. Howard Lutnick, the Commerce Secretary, was all rosy on Meet the Press, assured them, "Donald Trump is a winner. He's going to win for the American people...There's going to be no recession in America." More disturbingly, "We'll unleash America out to the world. Grow our economy is a way we've never grown before," etc., etc. At around the same time The Leader was telling the newest Kennedy Center board member Maria Bartiromo that there very well could be a recession because of his tariff fuckery. "It takes a little time" for people to adjust to loss of benefits, raising their own food and other minor details of the New World Order. Lutnick may be in hiding.
Paranoid much? K$H Patel doesn't trust the FBI. He wants a secure phone line to the White House from his home and his office so he doesn't have to go through the agency landline. He wants a private security detail (publicly paid for, of course). He wants to fire agents who investigated The Leader's many crimes, which runs into thousands; they fear not just retaliation from the Bondi Department but physical harm if the Trumpanzees learn their names and locations. Accidentally.
The Whitest Man in the World also has the sads. Impolite people have been protesting his exploding-car company Tesla and his "investigation" has traced the troublemakers to ActBlue, which raises money for Democratic candidates and progressive causes (as long as that's still legal). He advises that their funders include George Soros, Reid Hoffman and Herbert Sandler (as Keith Olbermann points out, Sandler died six years ago). Mae Musk even chimed in. She's "beyond furious!!!!" Really, Mommie, your little Nazi is old enough to do his own pouting and complaining. If you really want to help, wean him off the Ketamine. (Say...I wonder if ActBlue makes his rockets go boom.)
Mama Mae won't care for this:
Ah, outside agitators -- that takes me back. I'm just old enough to remember the civil rights movement in the South as relayed by black-and-white TV, the firehoses, the children being loaded into police vans, the sheriffs with bulging bellies and sunglasses. There was always a mayor or a city councilman explaining that there was never a minute of trouble with "our nigras" until the outside agitators slipped into town, generally "Jews and communists" from Up North causing trouble.
We are all outside agitators, unpaid protesters, making trouble for The Leader as he struggles to create a Golden Age between rounds of golf. Most of the media owners got the message and have neutered the Washington Post, LA Times, MSNBC more thoroughly than they were already. When the Associated Press was kicked out of the White House for refusing to play along with the "Gulf of America" nonsense, the rest of the room began studiously checking their mail or making lunch plans, hoping to hang onto their credentials to amplify whatever bubbles out of Karoline Leavitt next, knowing that any facts they slip into their filings will be deleted by editors. When schools are targeted for permitting "illegal demonstrations" and students with unapproved opinions are threatened with deportation or prison, their response is not "Fuck off" but "What First Amendment?" We need more outside agitators.
And inside agitators like Rep. Al Green. Because he stood alone, not holding a sign the size of a bidding panel at an auction but audibly speaking truth to power, the consequences pile up: Censure, threatened loss of committees, disgusting references to his "pimp cane" from Lauren Boebert, who seems strangely familiar with pimp accessories. Worse, his own "leadership" not only remained silent but scolded his supporters as if they were the problem. "Agitate, agitate, agitate," said Frederick Douglass, whose birthday the Maryland National Guard has been ordered not to honor. It's still good advice. We can't depend on Democrats like Gavin Newsom, John Fetterman, Hakeem Jeffries or the Timorous Ten.
Item: If your Amazon Prime subscription is coming up, consider carefully what you get besides free shipping. The platform will offer episodes from seven seasons of The Apprentice beginning in April. Presumably The Leader has a residuals deal. Could Jeff Bezos crawl any lower without sinking through the earth's crust?
Item: Senator Mark Kelly returned from a trip to Ukraine and wrote: "We can't give up on the Ukrainian people...The world will become a very cold and lonely place if we continue this ridiculous 'screw you, go it alone' foreign policy. It's dumb and it won't age well and it puts you and your kids and your grandkids at risk..." President Musk responded, "You are a traitor."
Item: Having trouble logging onto Xitter? Good. Why the hell are you still on it? The Times reports that "intermittent outages" are occurring today. Combined with the rocket explosion and Tesla stock in freefall, it looks like America's most hated outside agitator has made a lot of enemies, or so he whines. I say shit happens. Coincidence. Nothing to see here.
Item: The LGBTQ community is the designated enemy "poisoning the blood" of the Volk, with the transgendered singled out for special hatred. Today an actual Nazi (Third Reich) token re-emerged as The Leader posted an Army recruitment ad featuring the pink triangle worn by gay men in Hitler's concentration camps.
It may seem like Silicon Valley is depopulated, its worst incels running amok in Washington, but the techies who stayed home are quietly rebelling. As part of his groveling, Mark Zuckerberg ordered sanitary products removed from men's bathrooms at Meta, placed there for transitioning and nonbinary employees. Their co-workers are restoring them as a "subtle act of defiance." Now is not the time for subtlety. Agitate, agitate, agitate.
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