Spring is just around the corner

 

If you look for good news, you can find it.

The genius who bombed the Department of Housing and Urban Development with this video has been found and "escorted off the property," with "legal ramifications" threatened.  I'm sure it was worth it.  HUD is so technologically challenged they had to run around unplugging TVs.  Giving Elon two left feet was the chef's kiss.

This person must have a confederate at Apple.  Some iPhone users discovered that when they used voice-to-text and spoke the word "racist" the system printed "Trump."  This so-called bug has now been fixed.  I wonder what happens when you say "rapist."

After giving himself credit for "the Best Opening Month of any President in history," the racist rapist noticed that Michael Wolff has published a new book.  Its revelations -- that he gorges on chocolate, that Ivanka and her husband refused to say on the record that he isn't antisemitic, that Melania avoided most campaign events -- are hardly earth-shaking but touched off tantrums anyway.  Something about suing writers and publishers "or even media in general" who cite anonymous sources and otherwise fail to praise him, the threat to create "SOME NICE NEW LAW!!!" to supersede the tired old First Amendment.  Somebody check his blood pressure/cholesterol.  And bring chocolate.

Elon keeps leaving Trump alone with foreign leaders and they take full advantage of his obvious mental shortcomings.  On Monday Emmanuel Macron had to explain that Europe is the main supporter of Ukraine and also how frozen Russian assets work.  Despite that, and because Marco Rubio is basically Renfield to Donnie's Dracula, he worked out his own deal with Ukraine.  Guess what?  We're not collecting anything like $500 billion in minerals, cash or Easter eggs.  "Ukraine would pay some proceeds from future mineral development into a fund that would invest in projects in Ukraine...existing oil and gas production would be exempt."  President Zelensky will be in Washington tomorrow to sign this before anybody figures out how the stable genius got rolled.  Today it's Keir Starmer's turn to share a Big Mac; he'll probably go home with the deed to Bedminster.

A month ago Canada's Liberal Party was dead in the water, with Justin Trudeau resigning as leader in advance of elections.  Now, according to Reuters, polls show them even with or slightly ahead of the Conservatives thanks to ads comparing Pierre Poilievre to Trump.  If the trend continues, the new PM could be Karina Gould or Chrystia Freeland.  Poor Donnie -- strong women on both borders.  Could this push him into full-blown psychosis?  And could we tell?

That concludes the good news.

Instead of covering Trump as an existential threat to democracy, the media obsess about trivia like the bruise on his right hand.  His flaks attribute it to "shaking hands all day," very unlikely for a notorious germophobe who spends much of his time napping.  He probably did that thing where he grabs Macron's hand and arm and tries to make him fall, but Monsieur le President was ready for him and pulled back.  I don't know.  Maybe it's leprosy.

Shhhhh...President Musk is talking.

Romania was persuaded (or bullied) into releasing the (alleged) human-trafficking Tate brothers and look who's going all high-minded:  Ron DeSantis says they're not welcome in Florida and his attorney general is looking for a way to keep them out.  DeSanctimonious indeed!

In news of the war on the arts, the Art Museum of the Americas in Washington has cancelled a show featuring Black artists of the Western Hemisphere and another of LGBTQ artists from Canada.  

Calling it "potentially worrisome," CNN reports that first-time jobless claims rose by 242,000 last week.  Imagine that.  But as with the people Elon impulsively fired from the Energy Department -- you know, the ones who used to keep track of the radioactive stuff -- the Agriculture Department is now struggling to find and re-hire bird flu researchers.  I'm no expert but it seems not letting some random Boer run amok in the first place would have made more sense.

After calling Joe Biden "the worst president in the history of our country," the bloated, fat, disgusting felon in the orange clown makeup declared, "This country has gotten bloated, fat, disgusting."  Then he waddled off for a bucket of lunch from the Colonel.  People, please, try harder.  Don't make the tub open fat camps in addition to cutting food assistance.  Have you tried Ozempic?

Joe Wilson (R-SC) is tired of being known as the bigot who yelled "You lie!" during Barack Obama's first SOTU.  Wilson's real name is Addison Graves Wilson, making him the only known politician to be named after three autoimmune diseases, but even that proud legacy is not enough.  He has introduced a bill to create a heretofore unknown $250 bill adorned with Fat Donnie's fat face.  It's never been our practice to put living people on our currency, but we've never had a monarch before.

We're still awaiting those articles of impeachment, Rep. Green, but your colleague Dan Goldman (D-NY) thinks he can head off a third Trump term with a resolution in support of the 22nd Amendment.  Why not one upholding the repeal of Prohibition?  Slow clap, Dan.

Putative House Leader Hakeem Jeffries is also studiously ignoring the fascisming of America, but he volunteered yesterday that there's "a lot of interest" in disgraced former governor Andrew Cuomo running for mayor.  He'll be dismayed to learn that the Attorney Grievance Committee of the Third Judicial Department is showing a lot of interest in disbarring Cuomo for his behavior toward women.  And yes, fascisming is a word.  I made it up, get used to it.

Like millions of others, I was shocked to read of the deaths of Gene Hackman and Betsy Arakawa.  The circumstances are under investigation as I write.  Hackman improved every film he appeared in, from the prescient The Conversation to his unexpectedly funny cameo in Young Frankenstein.  He was 95 and long retired from acting but it still feels like losing a friend.