Malign influence and other features

 I had an odd dream early this morning.  Putin had come to Washington for a first look at his new province and Trump took him to the top of the Washington Monument.  It was a beautiful spring day, the windows were open, and as they looked over the mall a man dressed as Galileo emerged from the shadows and shoved them both off the observation deck to test his theory that the tiny Russian and the hulking American would impact the ground at the same time.  I awoke to the sound of rejoicing.

Imagine my surprise when I heard that the boss has indeed been invited to Washington.  An international pariah since 2022, the dictator will meet his creature to carve up Ukraine and no doubt receive approval for his next "special operation," whether in Moldova, Poland or the Baltic republics.  It's just COMMON SENSE.  And NATO is too expensive for the US to keep up.

While he's here Vlad can get a sit-down with his "girlfriend" Tulsi Gabbard, confirmed today as director of intelligence by every MAGA but Mitch McConnell (Susan Collins was able to overcome her concerns, as usual).  Some things are too sensitive to discuss during their regular phone chats.  According to the New York Times she will shut down the Foreign Malign Influence Center, because what's the point?

Speaking of malign foreign influence, did you know that Tesla is making an armored vehicle?  The State Department was all set to order $400 million worth -- State? Not Defense? -- but the purchase has now been put "on hold."  Maybe it's because this one conflict of interest was too blatant even for the regime.  Maybe they explode like non-armored Teslas.  Maybe the hold will be lifted after the media loses interest.  Who can say?

Now that Roadkill Bob has been turned loose on all our health and whatever human services survive the DOGE axe, attention turns to Linda McMahon, presumably the last Secretary of Education.  At today's hearing she admitted she's "not quite certain" if the teaching of Black history might have to be defunded for violating the directive against diversity, equity and inclusion.  In fact, why teach history at all?  It will only make children wonder why they have to live in a twenty-first century hellscape instead of, say, the Great Depression.  Win or lose, McMahon already got some good news:  the criminal probe of her husband Vince for covering up allegations of sexual abuse was dropped by federal prosecutors, and only days after he attended the Superbowl with Trump.  Small world.

Since Trump holds daily "press conferences" for those who agree to humor him about the "Gulf of America," the salary of press secretary Karoline Leavitt should be in the DOGE crosshairs, don't you think?  But then the lady who brought us "Adolf Hilter" wouldn't be adding to our hilarity with statements like this:  "The president feels it would be much better and more majestic if these Palestinians could be moved to safer areas."  Majestic?  It's a perfectly cromulent word.  Karine Jean-Pierre spoke English as a second language and if she ever said something that dumb Fox would cover it for months.

Trump and his minion Rubio have been taking victory laps over the release of Marc Fogel, the American teacher held in a Russian prison on dubious drug charges.  Rubio insisted it was "not in return for anything...there wasn't some deal here where we had to release like ten spies."  No spies, just one felon -- Alexander Vinnik, who had pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit money laundering through his BTC-e cryptocurrency exchange.  Just a little yank on the choke collar by the Kremlin.  

In VMFO (Vote MAGA and Find Out) news, "hundreds of Alabama residents are receiving a $100 surcharge on their energy bills as a direct result of Trump's actions...the surcharge occurred because one of Trump's executive orders froze a grant that assists low-income residents with their energy bills..."  But, but, I didn't think the leopards would turn off my heat!

Has anyone considered that Nancy Mace may suffer from bipolar disorder?  Last week she was yelping "Tranny, tranny, tranny!" at a Comer Club hearing on USAID. This week she put on a tight white dress and a ton of jewelry to make a dramatic speech accusing her ex-fiance and others of raping her and filming it.  When did the House of Representatives become the Oprah show?  Is that the fiance who made her late for a prayer breakfast in 2023?  Does her government health insurance (untouchable by DOGE) include counseling?

I don't know who GOP Jesus is but I like the cut of his jib:

"WELCOME TO YOUR TRUMP MILITARY.  The nuclear-powered USS Harry S Truman ran into another ship in the Mediterranean Sea.  Maybe #secdef Pete Hegseth should reinstate DEI and get someone competent to drive the aircraft carriers?"

Must be Biden's fault.

American Conservative Union chair Matt Schlapp is having trouble controlling his schlapp again.  He's being accused of "lewd conduct" and sexually assaulting a man in a Virginia bar.  He appears to have gone to ground but the bar has video.  Also, the dumbfuck used a credit card.

Florida Rep. Anna Paulina Luna Mayerhofer Gamberzky caught Trump's attention when she introduced a bill to carve his fat face into Mount Rushmore.  (Perhaps a different mountain, with Andrew Johnson, Warren G. Harding and Richard Nixon?)  She was rewarded by being assigned to investigate "federal secrets" like Jeffrey Epstein's Rolodex (sure), UFOs, 9/11 conspiracy theories and of course the assassination of John F. Kennedy.  Her qualifications include six years in the Air Force and Oregon Air National Guard and work as a swimsuit model and cocktail waitress.  (But Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's job tending bar is somehow disqualifying.)  Luna has dived right into the biggest one, vowing to question the members of the Warren Commission and the doctors who performed the autopsy 62 years ago.  I hope she also has experience as a medium.  I'm not saying she's dumb -- no, wait, that is what I'm saying.