Any world that I'm welcome to

...is better than the one I come from, said Steely Dan in 1975.  Gerald Ford had proclaimed our long national nightmare over and was bumbling his way to losing the next year's election.  Everything seemed possible, and yet...

He's back!  Darren Beattie was fired from Trump I for attending a white nationalist conference, but in 2018 there was still a sporadic effort to present a civilized front.  As soon as he was confirmed Marco Rubio snapped Beattie up for the position of acting undersecretary for public diplomacy and public affairs.  A sampling of his diplomatic utterances:

Is this a call for genocide or just involuntary sterilization?  You make the call.

Fortunately we still have human rights warriors like Missouri attorney general Andrew Bailey.  Noticing that the baristas who concoct his morning beverage are becoming "more female and less white," Bailey is suing Starbucks to end its "discriminatory patterns and practices."  The prices are too high and the lines are too long because the "most qualified workers" are being denied these high-skill jobs.  Also not enough chocolate chips in Andy's muffin, probably.  When will white men be allowed to compete based on the color of their skin and the content of their frappuccinos?

Don't be surprised if the attorney general of Louisiana jumps on the bandwagon and sues the NFL on behalf of the white people not represented at the Superbowl halftime show.  The music critics at Fox News were confused and offended, led by Jeanine Pirro's parody of Emily Litella disparaging "Grammar" Award winner "Kendall" Lamar.  They won't be happy to hear that it was the highest rated halftime show in LIX years.  Best of all, it drove Trump and his entourage out of the stadium.

Jady Vance went to Paris to threaten European heads of state who want to regulate artificial intelligence because they fear its risks to privacy and national security.  He brought along his wife Usha, the least he could do after demanding the reinstatement of Marko Elez, the DOGE "kid" who singled out Indians as special targets of his racism.  I think Mrs. Vance should hold out for a bracelet at least.

President Musk let Trump sit behind the desk while he and his son X held a press conference.  Asked about his ludicrous claim that USAID sent $50 million to Gaza for condoms, the president acknowledged, "Some of the things I say will be incorrect," which is more than Trump has ever done.  The challenge, I suppose, is for the rest of us to tell the facts from the fiction, as Rob Brydon says on Would I Lie To You?  Based on the little boy's unfiltered critique it's also possible that he's less flatulent than the old man dozing at the Resolute.

President Musk has his own office in the West Wing but it's not big enough for these important events.  The press was summoned by a Xweet proclaiming, "I am 100% certain that the magnitude of the fraud in federal entitlements (Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Welfare, Disability, etc) exceeds the combined sum of every private scam you've ever heard by FAR.  It's not even close."  I'm glad Bernie Madoff didn't live to read that.  I'm also sure it's as full of shit as the Gaza lie.  When rich men like Musk and Romney use the word "entitlements" it means marginalized people should brace for enhanced screwing.

Speaking of screwing, the farmers for whom Trump expressed love during the campaign are as angry and confused as a teenage girl who accepted a ride from Matt Gaetz.  The Agriculture Department is "reviewing" payments for programs that range from cattle watering to environmental improvements.  Growers are also trying to find buyers for billions of dollars' worth of crops that used to be purchased by USAID for distribution in other countries.  Did nobody explain this last summer?  Did nobody listen?

In a post replete with lies, exaggerations and Olympic-level dishonesty, Trump more or less admitted his plan to sell out Ukraine in the name of "COMMON SENSE."  Ukraine will not be allowed to join NATO and Putin will get everything he wants.  The subservience would make Uriah Heep taste vomit.  Also, a cause close to Trump's choleric heart has re-emerged -- ending the tyranny of low-flush toilets.  Can incandescent "LIGHT BULBS" be far behind?  When do we resume putting asbestos in new buildings and heating them with coal?  I want a Dumont television with a 14-inch screen!