A penny saved

 

ATTENTION:  If you find any fissionable material lying around, please call the Department of Energy at (202) 586-1234.  The National Nuclear Security Administration has been unable to contact the employees who were responsible for these materials until they were fired last week by President Musk.  Some of their terminations are being rescinded, but the NNSA was unsuccessful in giving them the good news.  As we progress toward a leaner, more efficient government, mistakes will be made.  Suffering may occur.  We regret any inconvenience and are making every effort to keep track of all nuclear...stuff.

Also caught up in the cost-cutting DOGE frenzy:  the Atlanta office of the Veterans Administration Health Care System, where several employees had to be terminated.  A thousand, to be exact, including former Army Sergeant Nelson Feliz, Jr.  Sergeant Feliz says he feels "mistreated" by the notice that his further employment is "not in the public interest" after twelve years.  

Despite a national and chronic shortage of air traffic controllers, which may have played a role in recent crashes, pink slips also went out to them last week from the FAA.  Those terminated worked in radar, landing and navigational aid maintenance, but Presidents Day weekend is traditionally not as busy as, say, Christmas.

The 207th Birthday Celebration of Frederick Douglass and Civil Rights Heroes Day will be held on February 22 in Easton, Maryland, Douglass's birthplace, but without the customary parade.  This is because Greasy Pete has ordered the Maryland National Guard not to provide a flyover, a band or military personnel.  A few thousand dollars will be saved, but economies will certainly increase over the years.

Danielle Sassoon is also unemployed, but not because of DOGE.  On January 21 she was appointed Acting US Attorney for the Southern District of New York.  Sassoon had all the qualifications:  Young (37), blonde, member of the Federalist Society, former clerk to Antonin Scalia.  On February 13 she resigned rather than comply with an order to drop the corruption charges against Mayor Eric Adams, a newly recruited Trump collaborator.  In the New York Times members of the New York County Lawyers Association praised her courage, a message which was probably lost on the paper's spineless owner.

Also lacking in spine:  Booz Allen Hamilton, the DC contractor which withdrew its sponsorship of WorldPride 2025 for fear of offending the bigots.  They went further and scrubbed all references to LGBTQ people from their website.  How much subservience is enough?   Well...

The Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation (because there is no Committee on Imperialist Land-grabs as yet) opened hearings on the acquisition of Greenland to mollify the cult leader.  According to Chairman Cruz, "I met with the Danish ambassador this week.  I met with the Greenlandic ambassador and I gotta say, they were upset, they were offended.  They said, 'Greenland is not for sale' and I laughed and I said, 'Everything is for sale.'"  He will make them an offer they can't refuse.

You may have the impression that the bird flu epidemic is in its early stages but you'd be wrong.  According to epidemiologist zoologist veterinarian economist Kevin Hassett, all we have to do is the opposite of whatever the Biden administration did.  Rather than culling chickens to prevent spread, the answer is "a better, smarter perimeter" (fence).  Because chickens can't fly.  See?  By spring they'll be giving away a dozen eggs with every gallon of gas, which will also be practically free.  It's called faith-based agriculture.  Bird flu has been reported in at least 70 humans.  Clearly it's the right time to DOGE 25 percent of the employees who coordinate the network of labs monitoring the epidemic.  Somewhere Anthony Fauci is reflecting that he chose the right time to retire.

With eggs topping seven dollars a dozen and the virus somehow reaching cows in Arizona, it was time for the figurehead president to take a victory lap.  Literally.  At a cost of who knows how much he flew Air Force One to Daytona, Florida, climbed into The Beast (the up-armored presidential car) and had himself driven around the racetrack like a real NASCAR driver, vroom vroom.  The somnolent 78-year-old described the 500 as a tribute to "the speed, strength and unyielding spirit" that have seen the creation of the first internment camps since 1944, the gutting of the federal government and the threats to democracy across the world.  In other words, "America's Golden Age."  He actually added, "the future is truly ours."