The best-laid plans

January 17, 2025

Made it, Ma! Top of the --- oh, shit.

In what we can only hope is a presage of things to come, another Space X billion-dollar firecracker experienced a "rapid unscheduled disassembly" deep in the heart of Texas. A lot of that flaming crap is Your Tax Dollars at Work, but in the US of Oligarchy does it really matter? Mi dinero es su dinero.

It's not just the rocketry business that's failing on stinky old Joe Biden's watch. Did you know that Hollywood is in trouble? Neither did it, but it must be so. Look:

You thought the studios were raking it in with woke talkies like Barbie and Wicked, you deluded libtard. Yet Foreign Countries have film industries of their own and their product is pouring across the border tariff free. Why hasn't Biden stopped this outrage? Isn't that the president's job? If we're lucky it's the shiny thing that will distract the Leader for the next four years or until the angels come for him. With Stallone, Voight and Gibson as his eyes and ears, we can expect more Ayn Rand musicals and Oliver Stone conspiracy epics. And yes, this time we get to win the Vietnam War. MAGA!

The flags will fly at the tip-top of every flagpole (sorry, Mr. Carter) but the crowds won't be there: Monday's Farewell to Democracy has been moved indoors because the predicted high temperature is 23F, probably the fault of DEI Mayor Muriel Bowser. The obvious solution would have been to move it to the Winter Palace in Palm Beach. It was cold in 2009 for Obama's inauguration, but Obama wasn't an obese old man who spent the preceding summer displaying the symptoms of dementia and a stroke. Better safe than J.D.

I hope there are enough seats in the Capitol Rotunda for all the neo-Nazis who want to attend. The latest to RSVP is Tino Chrupalla, the Fuhrer of Alternativ fur Deutschland, who presumably will not sit with the German ambassador. His party are considered terrorists back home. They can seat him with other fascism-adjacent leaders Milei and Meloni. Or with Nigel Farage. (Sadly, Tommy Robinson was not free to attend, or free at all.)

Official Conspiracy Steward Margie Greene isn't convinced. "I have personally attended many rallies where President Trump spoke in extreme weather conditions from cold to rain to heat," she types. "Is there a security threat...not only for him but for the people?" No Space X launches scheduled for the DC vicinity, if that's what she means.

On orders from Motel a Lago Mike Johnson removed insufficiently MAGA Mike Turner as chair of the House Intelligence Committee, and according to an anonymous Republican Turner is so mad he's "never going to vote for another fucking thing around here." The majority continues to shrink. So sad.

CNN isn't caving in to the Leader by firing editorial cartoonists like the Washington Post, or demanding "both sides" op eds like the LA Times. No, they are not dumping Jim Acosta, whose constant fact checking has landed him on the Enemies of the People list. They're just moving him from 10 am to midnight, by which time even the most avid news junkies are unwinding with Kimmel and Colbert. Golf clap, fellas.

This is the kind of problem I wish we had: Strangers' Bar, where members of Parliament and staff can get taxpayer-subsidized drinks, is already known for drunken antics. It's being closed for a "safety review" after a staff member reported that someone spiked her drink. MPs often leave their drinks on the bar while they go to vote and return for them later. Maybe don't drink and vote? It's such a dignified looking place.