Pritzkrieg!

 

With so many Democrats in touch with their inner lapdogs we need to honor our heroes.  J.B. Pritzker has instructed Illinois's Department of Central Management Services not to hire any January 6 insurrectionists for state jobs.  "No one who attempts to overthrow a government should serve in government," he said, which means about fifty people including those with pending charges according to the Chicago Sun-Times.  Pritzker has also condemned The Leader's attack on birthright citizenship and his funding freeze, now rescinded.  And he swatted away Elon Musk's elementary school "joke" about his weight, which he has probably heard before.  Pritzker/Ocasio-Cortez 2028!

Stanford law professors Joseph Bankman and Barbara Fried have requested a pardon price list from the White House.  They miss their boy, cryptofraudster and John Belushi impersonator Sam Bankman-Fried, and figure this is the best way to get him home in less than twenty-five years.  Either Stanford pays its professors really well or they may have to mortgage the house.  And really, is defrauding the greedy any worse than what Ross Ulbricht did?  (Bankman-Fried's sentence was imposed by Judge Lewis Kaplan but I'm sure that won't enter into it.)

Robert Santos, the Biden-appointed first Hispanic head of the Census Bureau and a proponent of inclusivity, has resigned so The Leader can appoint someone or something more in line with his agenda.  Don't act shocked if it's UFC fighter Bryce Mitchell, who can't decide whether he admires Hitler more for "kicking the greedy Jews out" or for not wanting "a bunch of queers destroying his nation."  Bryce was at The Leader's inauguration and has been a guest of Tucker Carlson's.  

I hate to keep bringing up Nazism but it's all around us, like pollen.  Calvin Robinson, formerly of St. Paul Anglican Catholic Church in Grand Rapids, was defrocked for giving a Nazi salute at a National "Pro-Life" Summit last Sunday.  (The Anglican Catholics broke away from the Anglican Church when it started ordaining women.)  The ACC's press release said, "We believe that those who mimic the Nazi salute...trivialize the horror of the Holocaust and diminish the sacrifice of those who fought against its perpetrators."  Robinson is British and describes his gesture as "dry wit, in that typical British way."  He once gave a speech about how Martin Luther and the Reformation led the way toward Marxism.  More dry wit?  

As The Leader's numpties continue to be confirmed with Democratic collaboration,* people are starting to refer to Washington as...

John Ganz calls it "the slow and then sudden collapse of the longstanding institutions of a great democracy whose defenders turned out to be senile and unable to cope with or understand modern politics."  Maybe we should be talking more about the original Nazis.

The Leader held another press conference to trash everyone but his own cheese-paring regime and idiot Congressmen like Sean Duffy who voted against funding for the FAA.  Yes, that Sean Duffy.  Small world, huh?  After intensive investigation in front of the TV, The Leader has concluded that the Black Hawk was "flying too high, by a lot," even though its flight data recorder has yet to be recovered, much less analyzed.  He's an expert because he owns a helicopter and flies in it a lot and, well, Trump ha sempre ragione.  He brought out one of his favorite words to describe the qualifications for an air traffic controller:  "They have to be talented, naturally talented.  Geniuses.  Can't have regular people doing their job."  Or enough people, it seems -- apparently two people were doing a job that ideally requires four.  This is not at all unusual at US airports.  Asked if he planned to visit the crash site, The Leader amusingly replied, "You want me to go swimming?"  Of course not, we know you're afraid of water.  That's where the sharks are waiting.  According to an FAA report, two people were coordinating helicopter traffic and handling arriving and departing planes.  That's not genius, that's borderline ADHD.

Quotation of the day:  "Mr. Patel may be...the first nominee for FBI Director in history who felt it necessary to plead the Fifth."  (Senator Adam Schiff)  John Bolton called Patel "a climbing weed," which sounds like an insult to kudzu.

 *Thirty-one Democrats voted to advance Doug Collins's nomination as Secretary of Veterans Affairs.  He's a loathsome shit who joined a lawsuit challenging Biden's election and slimed Ruth Bader Ginsburg after she was dead.  Thirty-one.