His wish is their command

 In Germanic mythology Valkyries are fierce women who collect fallen warriors and convey them to Valhalla for an eternity of partying.  The name means "wish maiden" because they obey the wishes of Wotan, the chief god.  In Wagner's opera Die Walkure his favorite Brunnhilde gets in trouble because she tries to intervene on behalf of his son Siegmund after Wotan has ordered her not to.  She knew what he really wanted without being told, when his will was contrary to the requirements of his duty.  It's complicated.

Trump has yet to claim divinity for himself but it's a matter of time, as he sinks ever deeper into dementia.  He is already surrounded by a crew of wish maidens eager to carry out his most risible blurps.  No sooner had he disclosed that the Gulf of Mexico would henceforth be called the Gulf of America ("What a beautiful name.  And it's appropriate.  It's appropriate") than Margie Greene introduced a bill to do just that.  She had it all ready, hojotoho!

I understand Greenehilde and her sisters Macehilde and Lunahilde have already divided Canada into Congressional districts -- gerrymandered to favor the Conservative Party, of course -- and compiled a list of the words Canadians spell wrong (colour, labour, etc.).  For now, it's just a misdemeanor.

Spraytan must be disappointed by Cannonhilde in spite of her efforts to please him.  The judge has blocked release of Jack Smith's findings about the stolen classified documents but will allow the report on election interference to be made public.  For someone whose client is totally innocent, his lawyers are adamant that the "out-of-control private citizen unconstitutionally posing as a prosecutor" not be allowed to reveal the truth about the crimes uncovered in Motel a Lago.  Frankly, it looks like a job for someone with presidential immunity.  Oh, President Biden...

Gender aside, Mark Zuckerberg would make a fine wish maiden.  While others were content with groveling and hurling money at the Father of the Gods he was arranging to end fact-checking on Meta/Facebook, opening the door to all the Nibelungs and trolls who worship Spraytan.  Soon it will be indistinguishable from Xitter, a victory for free hate speech of all kinds.  It was too much for Nick Clegg, the former LibDem leader, who has been replaced by Joel Kaplan, a Dubya Bush enabler. 

The Biden administration -- yes, it's still there -- announced that medical debt will no longer appear on credit reports, preventing people from getting mortgages and other loans.  Medical debt is the leading cause of bankruptcy among ordinary Americans who don't run casinos incompetently.  Coincidentally I'm sure, the Shkreli Awards were announced by a panel of doctors, journalists and health policy experts.  They're all scum but I think my favorite is Cigna, which billed the family of a three-month-old who needed to be transported from Salinas to San Francisco following open-heart surgery $97,599 after deciding the air ambulance was "not medically necessary."  Sorry, UnitedHealth, you came in at number two despite the loss of your CEO.  

Every Ring production needs a sniveling, subservient Mime and it looks like ours will be unusually tall.  Senator John Fetterman (D-Really?) says he doesn't support the seizure of Greenland but as for "just buying it out," well, "remember the Louisiana Purchase?"  A couple things, big man.  Napoleon made the first offer because he needed cash for his wars.  And if you look at a map you'll see that the Louisiana Territory was contiguous to the US, not across the ocean.  Also, nobody asked the millions of people who lived there if they wanted to be American or French or just go on belonging to their own nations.  Two centuries later we see the world differently, or most of us do.  Greenland's prime minister and its king both say it's not for sale.  End of discussion.