How Joe Biden stole Christmas
It's a Festivus for the rest of us but not for poor little rich boy Donald John Trump. He will come into office with only three federal prisoners awaiting execution because mean old Joe Biden commuted the death sentences of the other 37. Donny wanted a big killing party on Day One and now it's all ruined, like the times nobody showed up for his birthday parties. "I will direct the Justice Department to vigorously pursue the death penalty to protect American families from violent rapists, murderers and monsters," the adjudicated rapist declared. "We will be a Nation of Law and Order again!" But he could not hide his frustration. Three! Other Leaders kill that many people before breakfast. Prince Bone Saw is laughing at him right now. To make matters worse, two of the three, Roof and Bowers, are heroes to a significant portion of MAGAworld, like the J6 monsters he has promised to pardon.
As if that wasn't bad enough, Biden vetoed the JUDGES Act. It stands for Judicial Understaffing Delays Getting Emergencies Solved -- the Republicans put more work into acronyms than they do into passing budgets -- and it would have created 66 new judgeships over ten years, meaning Donnie would get to fill 25 of them with great legal minds like Sidney Powell and Todd Blanche and John Eastman. Where does it say you can't be a judge just because you're disbarred? Unfair!
Somehow it's Joe Biden's fault that the whole Elon Musk thing has blown up in Donnie's face, adding a layer of goo to the orange clown makeup. Despite being the richest and therefore smartest person who ever lived, Musk has somehow become the most hated. He and his sidekick Ramaswamy keep proposing to destroy things that voters love (Social Security, Medicare, hell, even Mitt Romney denounced their recipients as moochers!), which in turn will cause trouble for all those Congressional MAGAs whose votes he needs. People make fun of the way Musk overshadows Donnie -- one radical Marxist named Dean Obeidallah calls him the PINO, president in name only -- and he couldn't even get the government shut down over the holidays. Amateur! Who's doing the real work, receiving the newspaper owners and CEOs at Motel a Lago, accepting their checks for his "inaugural committee" and "presidential library" and reminding them of the bad things that might still happen if they get nasty? Not Musk.
Donnie offered the gift of Americanization to Greenland and they threw it right back at him. "We are not for sale and will never be for sale," said Prime Minister Egede. "You're lucky we lease you land for Pituffik Space Base," he could have added. Leases expire, and if Donnie's not careful Pituffik may find itself looking for a home. Another foreign policy disaster and probably a Biden plot. Lousy Danes! Must end NATO!
Another spurned gift: Ungrateful Lara Trump now says she doesn't want to be a senator. Says she has a "big announcement" to share in January -- probably pregnant again. Worse, "Ron DeSanctimonious" can now pick a senator. The price of a Senate seat has probably tripled since Blagojevich talked on a tapped phone about selling Obama's. Biden's inflation is good for somebody and Donnie won't see a cent. This is the worst Christmas since 2020. Does Karoline Leavitt really think her stupid Gingerbread Donnie will make up for it? Stupid.
How could it be worse? January 6, 2025, could see the certification of the electoral votes disrupted again. This time it won't be
Don't string it all for the tree. Popcorn is a dish best served cold.
Happy hols, back on Thursday.
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